Friday, January 27, 2012

Marriage - Silly Season



Your spouse doesn’t take out the trash like he’s supposed to for the umpteenth time.  Instead of calmly talking to him, you huff and puff and before you know it, you’re just being cordial.  That’s silly season.

Your husband lovingly touches you while you’re making dinner and because you think it will lead to something more intimate and you’re not up to it, you brush him off.  Unfortunately, he just wanted to hug you, but you’ll never know.  He feels like he’s been rejected one time too often and now he’s no longer the amorous guy you fell in love with.  That’s silly season.

I went to a movie preview last night about a marriage that had gotten in to a rut, which was now becoming a ditch. The wife was unhappy with the current situation and the husband appeared to be fine with it. They were married for 32 years and in the past 5 years had not slept with each other. Every time she tried to initiate something, he blew her off. To his credit, he never cheated on her, but he was willing to accept the boredom that had become his marriage.  The wife decided that they need help and booked a trip to see a highly touted marriage counselor. I didn’t agree with all of the counselor’s advice, but in the end the marriage was restored.

In marriage, silly season starts with little every day things that build up if never addressed.  When they’re not addressed, you convince yourself that this is our new normal “everyone goes through this” or you ignore it, hoping it will go away. Intimacy may suffer on both sides, because you no longer are on the same page. Sex is not the cure all for what ails a marriage, though it plays a part.

So how do you end silly season? The first person that recognizes that something is not right should nip it in the bud. How do you nip it in the bud? Deep heartfelt communication that makes you vulnerable, a willingness to do things differently, recognizing and understanding the heart of the other person and praying and relying on the scriptures. 

Marriages go through seasons and even good marriages go through difficult times. But when you’re in silly season and you recognize it, do what you can to change it. Don’t let it last any longer than it has to. 

Seems like marriage was on quite a few minds today, so I'll also share this link I received via email.

Ever went through silly season in your marriage? What's the longest silly season you endured? How was it eventually resolved?


8 comments:

  1. Oh, in 30 years of marriage, we have had our silly seasons. Fortunately, they never lasted long because we are both good at asking for forgiveness, we pray together and it helps to find humor in it and laugh together.

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  2. I really like this post! It made me giggle but there is so much truth to it. I have been married almost 10 years and I know we will continue to have silly seasons. Our seasons don't usually last too long when you put it all into perspective but sometimes it seems like forever. lol

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  3. I was just telling someone on Wednesday how smart you are. :-)

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  4. ours usually last a day because i am too much of a talker...i hate silence!!

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  5. I'm currently going through a "silly" season but it doesn't feel quite so silly right now. I saw the problem and am trying to nip it in the bud but I'm not getting much help. Pray for us that this silly season stays just that...silly and nothing more pronounced because right now I am not so sure.

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  6. I really like this post! It made me giggle but there is so much truth to it. I have been married almost 10 years and I know we will continue to have silly seasons. Our seasons don't usually last too long when you put it all into perspective but sometimes it seems like forever. lol

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  7. I love this! And oh my goodness yes! We have had our silly season. This was all truth!

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  8. Recently I heard a story about a missionary board that met for their annual meeting. One of the couples didn't attend, but nobody knew the reason for their absence. The board members learned later that they were divorcing...after almost 40 years of marriage. Your post reminded me of their story, because I think they had let things go on so long they became roommates with no interested in each other. It's tragic.

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