Sunday, January 13, 2013


I attended a bridal shower last night for a new friend; as it turns out she happens to be a comedian and she is quite funny naturally.  At this event, I met other women who I had seen in passing but had never had a conversation with them. Invariably, we ended up talking about how we ended up in LA. Many were born and bred in LA never left, and some of us had a long winding road before we got here. It was nice to hear that they were a few island (West Indian) connections also. It always warms my heart to know that there are normal people in LA; I think I fell in to the trap of thinking that everyone here was a transplant or affiliated with the entertainment industry; so every time I meet a regular person I smile and am encouraged.

Moving is hard because once you move you know longer have the easy accessibility of friendships. I am a mother  - so I made friends through my children, through school, through church and from living in one place for a long time.  There was a rhythm to my life that allowed me to connect and establish relationships.

Moving changed that rhythm and unwittingly I hungered for it. I live in the valley and when I first moved here I wanted to be friendly with any person of color I saw, since they were so few of us. So I would say hi to random strangers who were black, exchanged phone numbers, initiate some text conversations and then never hear from them again. Over time I felt like a stalker. I tried Meetup - but the women I met were not my cup of tea. They were all single looking for men on online dating sites and complaining about the shortage of men. And I was happily married for a long time with 4 children - why was I there?  I got tired of reaching out - it felt like what I imagined a first date feels like multiplied by one hundred.

So at some point I accepted my situation; I had friends on other coasts and could call when I need to, but I wanted someone to just have a cup of tea with or do nothing with, just because.

Let me insert at this point - that this may or may not have driven my husband crazy, but he was going through the same thing in a different sort of way. His temperament is different than mine and the need did not appear so critical. Women crave relationship especially of other women - its how I'm wired (can't speak for all).

When the Little One started school, over a period of time I connected with a couple of other moms. We are a diverse group - Vietnamese, Mexican, Filipino, Korean and Black, but we have learned so much from each other in the past years and have a good time whenever we get together. Friendships are growing.

The Little One also did Track, and when I went to the first Track meet my first thought was, "so this is where all the Black people in the valley are." The comedian is a Track mom as were a couple of other moms at the shower. Friendships continue to grow.

When you move, everything takes time; you're never going to have exactly what you left because you are in a different place, with different people. But if you are open, you can establish a new rhythm that's just as rich. It's different, not bad.

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5,6

How do you make new friends? How are your friendships affected by your moving  - if you've moved? Would you say that when you don't try to make friends, the people you meet surprise you in  a pleasant way leading to friendship?


  1. I moved a year and a half ago :) I make new friends by really putting myself out there and pursuing new friends. Most of the friends I made are groups (church, play groups, mommy groups, story time, etc). I noticed that my mentor friends relationships are not affected at all. My peer relationships tend to weaken some unless we're both keeping in touch on a regular basis. The distance hurt some friendships. I am constantly trying to make friends and I think that your mention of Prov. 18:24 rocks because that's what I try to do. I also pray that God will bless me with good friends. While I waited to establish deeper friendships I just did all I could to bless others. It takes time but I think I will reap what I am sowing when it comes to friendships. I love your post!!! {hugs}

  2. Blessings from an Island girl (Trin - Trinidad & Tobago)

    Moving is hard, though its a example of life forward movement that encourages us to keep it moving, psychically, emotionally, psychologically and metaphorically.

    Friendships-ah that is a animal all unto itself, some come, some go, all bringing lessons that allows us to ---again, keep it moving.

    thanks for sharing.



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