Monday, February 25, 2019

Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage

This year will mark 30 years of marriage for my husband and I. Where does the time go? When we said our vows at the altar on that overcast morning all those years ago, we were young, happy and idealistic. We meant every word we said, but we had no clue how those words would play out over the years. We went through premarital counseling and had the necessary conversations. We even spoke to our pastors periodically for additional insight. As we continued to evolve yet stick to each other through thick and thin, it became apparent how the rose-colored glasses of unrealistic expressions could drain a marriage.
Having expectations is not bad, but choosing to make your expectations your reality without ever considering your reality becomes detrimental. In your mind, your expectations are valid, fair and even reasonable. But you neglect to consider that they don’t only involve you but others around you, in particular, your spouse. Unrealistic expectations won’t destroy your marriage unless you let them, but they can have a damaging impact on your marriage especially if you become a prisoner to your expectations. Through the freedom in Christ, give your expectations over to him and let God mold them, along with you, into what is realistic for your marriage. Our expectations are cares that we can willingly cast on Him (1 Peter 5:7). As you turn over your expectations to the one who’s always realistic in ways you can’t imagine, He’ll work on you and provide the clarity and wisdom for each expectation. Wisdom has taught me that the antidote for any unreasonable expectation is prayer, communication, and compromise. Here are 10 expectations that, if not checked, can frustrate your marriage.

Read the rest of the post here then feel free to leave a comment on this post.
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What if any were your unrealistic expectations in your marriage?

--Nylse

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10 comments:

  1. I love that you emphasized that having expectations is fine (it's normal, I think) but making your expectations your reality without considering what your reality actually is is very detrimental. I love a podcast where the woman giving it always brings up the suggestion that maybe your spouse/child/in-law/etc. is "exactly the way they are supposed to be." Maybe it doesn't fit your expectations, but maybe they are exactly the way they are supposed to be. Great food for thought. Thanks for sharing at #heartandsoullinkup

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  2. Talk about a truth bomb! This is so true. I certainly believe that having expectations is a good thing because it often lets you aim for the best ... but in marriage if you're expecting more than your spouse can even give or be, hmmm ... and often times you know what your spouse is even capable of ... yeah, that could certainly destroy a marriage. Thank you for sharing this! I have to be sure that my expectations are at least realistic in all aspects of my life.

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  3. A wonderful reminder that we do have expectations, but we are all broken people. It's amazing that God made us to live together in the first place--men and women are so different! Congratulations to you and your husband for 30 years together. :)

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  4. Yes, expectations can trip us up for sure! I think some of my expectations early in marriage were crazy little things that I made big things: should always be home for dinner at 6:00pm since that's what we agreed on; car repair stuff that my Dad always did because he was in the auto salvage business. My husband is a huge people person always losing track of time because of being fully invested in whoever he's talking to at the time. This would infuriate me when I had dinner ready at a certain time. But we worked through this - him being more aware and sensitive but also me chilling out of dinner being late sometimes. Foil works great to keep a dish warm! LOL. The car thing still bugs me because we end up paying more money on tires (because they never get rotated) and oil never gets changed on time. My Dad always did the car stuff growing up and that was my expectation in marriage. But I've learned that it's really something I can do myself and I need to just let that expectation go. There are bigger hills to die on than tire rotations and oil changes. Thanks for the great post today! Great insight and wisdom here.

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  5. Great wisdom, and congratulations on 30 years! I have found that our unrealistic expectations we place on our spouse can only be fulfilled by Christ and Christ alone. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  6. A great post! Learning to communicate and give and take is so crucial to a successful marriage.

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  7. super post! i didn't know I had expectations of Mark until he didn't reach them! Then I had to give them all over to Jesus. I still do! 31 years... (:

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  8. Wow, yes. So many women look to their husbands (or just to some nebulous idea of "marriage") to fill up their emptiness. No marriage--or no earthly relationship of any kind-- can bear the weight of all our needy expectations.

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  9. Great post. Thank you for sharing and happy 30 years. #goals

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  10. I think the three fold cord should be added into the expectations. We often look to each other or mentors when He has good plans.

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