Sunday, October 27, 2013

Notes From My Daughter - A Testimony on Humility

My Daughter

Occasional notes from my 20 year old daughter. I never know what to expect when she writes, but it's usually a pleasant surprise.  Read on!

Everything God has called me to do in my life I've thought I wasn't good enough to do. So I silently said no, I snickered at God's voice like Hannah, I rebutted like Moses, and I tried to run away like Jeremiah.

But I've finally come to this point where I realized God doesn't choose the good enough people, and I'm honored (not scared) that he trust me to be obedient to him with my whole life.
I applied to USC convinced that I wouldn't get in, a part of it was my dream but at this point I was bitter and believed the dream was too big. My dad told me he wouldn't pay for all of USC’s tuition, but some gut feeling pushed me to give it my all. This application was actually blood, sweat, and tears. I gave my 100% to USC's application and did all other app's halfheartedly. If I had it my way I only would've applied to USC.

But like I said, another part of me thought I wouldn't get in. I saw it as a task too big for me to handle. I applied with hope, but not in faith. A part of me just wanted to apply so I can say I did and then prove myself right when I got denied.
But I was wrong, talk about dying to yourself, I was so wrong. I got in! I was overwhelmed and excited and scared. I was happy I got in, but didn't know if I could actually be a good student at USC. I really thought they made a mistake and anxiously awaited a rescinded letter for months. That conflict of emotions instead of driving me to my knees drove me insane. Up until this moment, I've exhausted myself to what seemed like the point of no return. And it seemed like I had proven myself right; once again I thought "You aren't good enough."

But God showed me I was wrong, the sentence wasn't over. I am not good enough without God. You cannot do the task God calls you to do without God. Mark 10:27 clearly states with man (by himself) it is impossible, but with God all things are possible. In John 15, without the vine you are nothing, but in him you can do all things. Yes God will prune you, and yes circumstances will hurt but God is not malicious and everything He allows He works for the good of those who truly love him. To love Him is to know him, and to love Him back.

Look, I wasn't good enough without God, I am truly nothing without God, but I'm here in Him now. Not even a 20 year history of not trusting him will stop Him from using my life for His glory. I belong on my knees in those moments of misdirection, confusion, and pain. A place where His strength is felt deeply and my soul is filled with His love. I belong in that place where I am broken before Him, instead of stuck without Him. I am changed by God only and only Him do I seek.

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