Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Notes From My Daughter - A Valuable Thing in a Desolate Place; A Lost and Found Story

Occasional notes from my 22-year-old daughter. I never know what to expect when she writes, but it's usually a pleasant surprise.  Read on!

My Daughter
"Weird" things happen to me all the time and to be quite honest, it's no coincidence. I'm not surprised that God has intersected my normal day-to-day living with his reality because this is what God has always done and I've learned to just be present during the lesson so I can fully learn how God has used a moment to teach me some everlasting truth.

In 2015 one of those moments happened to come on the weekend I was celebrating my birthday. For me, my birthday is the new year (sounds egotistic but I don't care), and leading up to it I pray for vision, clarity and set new goals. To be honest, I wasn't that thrilled about turning 22. In high school, I truly believed that by 22 everything would come together. But here I was 6 years later, a "graduate" of USC who still had 1 class to complete, no direction, no church, no vision and I was so lost as to how it all got to this point. "Why isn't my life together?" I thought, and then I didn't want to think about it anymore, which goes to say I didn't want to talk about it, which led me to stop praying about it and eventually praying sporadically in general. Because how can I address God about a life I'm living halfheartedly and how could He understand?

But like I said, I didn't stop praying in total. My birthday is something I always prayed about and as I was asking God what I should do I kept seeing a desert. So I looked up national parks and my heart got stuck on going to Joshua Tree National Park, a huge desert 2 hours away from Los Angeles.

My friends were surprisingly up for it, which is a shocker because I don't have nature loving friends who like to explore desert landscapes just for the heck of it. Everything was planned and on Saturday, October 31,2015 we headed towards our destination with expectant hearts.

All the fun was had! We rock climbed, had a photo-shoot, had a devotion at the top of a mountain, picnicked and watched the sun set. We even prayed that God would show us a shooting star (ask and you shall receive) which He did! It was great, and then,at the end of the day, I realized I lost my phone.

As soon as I realized my phone was really gone the parable of the woman and her lost coin in Luke 15 came to mind. Specifically, the portion that read:
"8 Doesn't she light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?"
To which my first response was, "I'm not going to search the pitch black cold desert for a phone; next idea Lord." And once I gained a little more patience I added, "We have to drive back to LA and I don't want to come back here. I don't want to give up hope, but having hope about something so insignificant doesn't make sense." Regardless of how I tried to justify my position, the need to believe my phone could be found nudged at me the whole 2-hour ride back to LA. I dropped my friends off and we prayed with one another, after doing a thorough search of my car; then I proceeded on my way home.

Suddenly as I put my car in drive, it hit me how valuable my phone was: all my songs were on there in my voice memos, all my poetry in the notes section, all the things I hid and worked at on my own were on my phone.


I cried relentlessly as I realized the value of the things I had lost and the thought of never being able to recover them. While driving I began to pray and at the end of my prayer I looked up and to my surprise I saw another shooting star in the sky. I took it as a sign that somehow I would find peace at the end of this and God was with me.

God gave me a desire to work for what I saw as valuable and believe that it can be completed even when everything else seemed bleak. So the next morning I called the lost and found at Joshua Tree National park; I put my iPhone on "lost mode" from my iCloud account; I prayed and I went to church. My father took me to the AT&T store to find out what my options were for a new phone and what it would cost. I exhausted the options available to me for trying to find my phone and I was equally settled in trusting God, yet anxious to know what trusting God would lead to.

Later that day would you believe someone called my house from my iPhone to notify us that in this desert they found my iPhone! And they would be willing to help us get it back. According to the wonderful person who found my phone they were walking along an unusual route trying to find cell phone service when they looked down in a ditch and found my phone. Oh, and they don't even live in California they just happened to be doing a weekend trip with their outdoors group.

This particular moment of my perpendicular experience with God and my earthly life gave me a very important lesson: God values our diligence. I personally admire Nehemiah in the Bible, because he is the epitome of a diligent worker, but I've always felt like my personality is too different from his. I could not lead the building of a temple in 52 days but I'm glad God inspired someone to. But what work really boils down to is a series of intentional acts of obedience. Knowing what God has called you to do, you decide to systematically put in the effort, gradually progressing toward the point of completion, exhausted by every effort, because what He has said is overwhelmingly valuable in your life. Even if it seems impossible, do all that you can. God values your willingness to use your life to do His will.

And since God has allowed me to narrate these experiences I might as well let you in on a secret: I'm no one special, and what happened in this story could happen to anyone who is learning to trust God daily. I'm simply the person by which this story came and I hope it encourages you to trust God MORE each day.

In the comment section, I'd be interested to see what other lessons you readers may have found in my story and what those lessons mean to you. I hope you all have many moments like this in the new year. :)

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Christmas Story

At this time of year, we are all familiar with the Christmas story. In case you aren't, I'd like to share it with you.

Mary was the young mother of Jesus, bethrothed to Joseph and divinely impregnated with this miracle child. Mary was anywhere between 12 and 14; unlike today's teens and pre-teens she may not have had any exposure to the birds and bees. So while she may not have been familiar with the ins and outs of having a baby she saw many of her peers married at a young age. Though it seems strange to us it was normal to her. But this normal was going to get even stranger.

An angel came to her and told her that she was going to have a baby - the Son of God.  Initially Joseph, who was much older than her did not believe her and only thought about what people would say if they found out he wasn't the father. But he too is visited by an angel, who confirms Mary's story.  So Joseph's heart is now softened toward his intended wife.

Mary's first pregnancy is quite unusual. After visiting her relative Elizabeth, she feels movement in her womb. I can only imagine that at this point Mary is amazed, while being humbled, and slightly afraid of what the birth will entail. Any mother to be knows, that once you feel movement in your womb, your mind finally accepts impending motherhood while being simultaneously amazed by the miracle of human life.

To complicate things further Mary and Joseph have to make the journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem to be counted as part of the census. The trek from Nazareth to Bethlehem is about 100 miles; whether walking or travelling by animals this was quite an arduous trip in the third trimester. If walking, it may have made for a smooth uneventful delivery. If travelling on an animal's back I can imagine she felt every bump, as your nether regions are quite tender prior to delivery. Then, to give birth in a stable - with no additional medical personnel, just Joseph and God the Father watching over her to ensure that her delivery was smooth. I've often wondered who cut the umbilical cord, who cleaned her up and how did she recover so quickly.

But in spite of it all - the divine conception, the angelic visit, the initial disbelief by her husband and the long journey just before giving birth, Mary persevered.

In childlike faith Mary, accepts this assignment. I am the Lord’s servant, may your word to me be fulfilled.”  Luke 1:38

Three days before Christmas and I am struck by the young mother - Mary and her role in the Christmas story. Mary was the vessel for the greatest human gift. Mary was obedient and Mary had great faith. What would have happened if Mary insisted that this was not going to happen? What kind of Christmas story would we have? Those questions don't need to be answered because at Christmas time we are celebrating what actually happened - a Savior was born.
Who knows what great things can happen through us if we are obedient to God's messages.

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 
17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 
18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 
19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:16-18 [NIV]

May you be blessed this Christmas, regardless of what's going on in your life and how you feel.


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The Christmas Spirit

If someone could define it, one would say the Christmas spirit is:

feeling happy, feeling content, happy to be alive, grateful, feeling generous, excited. All of these feelings are enhanced by the time of year and the accompanying accessories - trees, decorations, lights, presents, ugly sweaters, the colors red and green, eggnog, and snow or cold weather (though that depends on where you are from).

When I look at these characteristics, I realize that they are not confined to the month of December; one can have "the Christmas Spirit" all through the year (and without cold weather!)

Here's the secret - make a choice to be grateful every day that you are here regardless of your circumstances. Gratefulness will allow you to focus on the beauty of life; gratefulness makes you smile; gratefulness gives you much needed perspective; gratefulness generates good feelings.

I have recently rediscovered this secret; you see currently to an onlooker, life is not what I imagined it would be at this point in time; there are struggles and there are problems. However, I've recognized that these problems have the ability to impact my thinking but I have to choose to look at things differently.

So though my Christmas tree just went up, and my baking hasn't started, and I have fewer gifts (i.e. zero) under the tree - I have the Christmas spirit. I am grateful to be alive and to celebrate this time of year. I'm grateful for the ultimate Gift that was given to us at Christmas.

For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6 [NLT]

How are you feeling this year? What makes it feel like Christmas to you?

Monday, December 7, 2015


December 1st marks the beginning of Advent - an anticipation of the Christmas celebration of Christ's birth.
Here's an excerpt from my devotional this morning (source: Our Daily Bread):

During Advent, we emphasize hope, peace, joy, and love, which God sent with Christ.
HOPE. We have an inheritance reserved in heaven, a living hope through the resurrection of Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3-5).
PEACE. We will love life and see good days if we turn from evil and do good and if we seek peace, for the Lord watches over the righteous and hears their prayers (1 Peter 3:10-12).
JOY. We have inexpressible joy even though we have trials because our faith is being tested and proven genuine. The end of this faith is the salvation of our souls (1 Peter 1:6-9).
LOVE. We can love one another with a pure heart because we have been born again through the Word of God which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:22-23).

Hope, peace, joy and love though heightened at this time of year, can be emphasized and practiced throughout the year.
I love this time of year because:
  1. I love focusing on the reason for the season
  2. I love Christmas pageants and plays
  3. I love having my family around and spending time with family
  4. I'm a Christmas Baby
As you look forward to Christmas, think about Christ and all that he embodies.

Does your family observe any traditions that lead up to Christmas? 

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Five O Seven

The other day while driving, I looked down at my watch and it was 5:07 pm which brought back a flood of memories.

Before moving to LA, before working on Long Island, before commuting by car to work, I used to commute to and from Manhattan via the LIRR (Long Island Rail Road). I don't remember the schedule of the trains I took in the morning, but I will always remember the 5:07 from Penn Station to Hempstead. When I lived further east, I used to take a train to Northport; that ride was special but not as special as the 5:07.

I worked at 42nd and Madison and everyday without fail I would leave work at 4:45, maybe even 4:50. The subway station was in my building, so I'd take the elevator down, walk through the turnstile and make a brisk walk to the downtown platform. I would take the train one stop to Penn Station and then head for the track and board the train. It was always a madhouse, but everyone had the same objective. It was rush hour.

I don't know who would be first, but they were six or seven of us ladies who would sit in the same spot everyday. This was no mean feat during rush hour, but we were able to do it. We would commiserate about work, but more often than not, talk about our lives - relationships, children, weddings, birthdays, fun. Most times we laughed and when one of us was down we made a special effort to cheer that person up. By the time the train pulled in to Hempstead at 5:53, all was right with the world and I had 7 minutes to get to the babysitter so that I wouldn't have to pay overtime rates. Overtime kicks in at 6:00 pm for working mothers and it's usually exorbitant - $10.00 for every 10 minutes past 6.  Everyday I briskly walked to my car, got in and drove quite fast to get there by 6. Most times I made it with only a minute to spare; I was so pressed for time that I appeared rude - I picked up my children and left. When I got home I could breathe (for a second) then jump in to evening duties.

The 5:07 train ride was the highlight of my day. We were all at various stages of life - some like me young and just starting out, and some older with more life experience. Because of those ladies I got a real slice of life; my social life was enriched - I attended baby showers and other social events; we had a special bond that was cemented on that train ride. We kept in touch during that time, but as life sometimes goes, we eventually drifted apart. It was a special time and I cherish those memories.

“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.” - CS Lewis

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” - CS Lewis

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20

Whenever it is 5:07, I always smile.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Why Does God Allow Tragedy and Suffering?

This message is so timely - it seems it should be auto posted once a month.

With the recent events in the news, the question raised in the title is something that's on my mind. Lee Strobel sums up my thoughts in this post from the Bible Gateway Blog. Lee Strobel used to be an Atheist before he wrote The Case for Christ. I've copied the post in it's entirety here. (I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws).

The following message was delivered on July 22, 2012 by Christian author and apologist Lee Strobel, just days after the deadly theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Lee has graciously given us permission to post it here on Bible Gateway.

It was the worst mass shooting in American history – 70 people shot by a gunman, 12 of them killed, while they were watching the midnight showing of a new movie just 21 miles from where we’re sitting. There are no words to describe the anguish being felt by those who are suffering today; our heart and prayers have – and will – go out to them. There are so many tragic stories, so much pain. And many people are asking the question, “Why? Why did God allow this?”

This has been a heart-rending summer for Colorado. First came the wildfires, which ravaged the houses of hundreds of our neighbors – and prompted many of them to ask the question, “Why?”

And those two tragic events are on top of the everyday pain and suffering being experienced in individual lives – maybe including yours. There’s illness, abuse, broken relationships, betrayal, sorrow, injuries, disappointment, heartache, crime and death. And perhaps you’ve been asking the question, “Why? Why me? Why now?”

That “why” question goes back thousands of years. It was asked in the Old Testament by Job and the writers of the Psalms, and it was especially relevant during the 20th century, where we witnessed two World Wars, the Holocaust, genocides in the Soviet Union and China, devastating famines in Africa, the killing fields of Cambodia, the emergence of AIDS, the genocide in Rwanda and the ethnic cleansing of Kosovo. And the 21st Century didn’t start any better. There was 9/11 and now the Syrian slaughters, and on and on. Why all of this if there’s a loving and powerful God? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Several years ago, I commissioned a national survey and asked people what question they’d ask if they could only ask God one thing. The Number One response was: “Why is there suffering in the world?” Incidentally, I did find an interesting statistical quirk – people who are married were much more likely to want to know why there’s so much suffering. I’m just sayin’.

But if you’ve never asked why our world is infected with pain and suffering, you will when they strike you with full force or they come to a loved one. And Jesus said they are coming. Unlike some other religious leaders who wrote off pain and suffering as just being illusions, Jesus was honest. He told us the truth. He said in John 16:33, “You will have suffering in this world.” He didn’t say you might – he said it is going to happen.

But why? If you ask me point-blank, “Why did God allow the gunman to spray the Aurora movie theater with gunfire just two days ago?”, the only answer I can honestly give consists of four words – “I do not know.”

I cannot stand in the shoes of God and give a complete answer to that question. I don’t have God’s mind. I don’t see with God’s eyes. First Corinthians 13:12 says, “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”

So when you ask about specific individual events and want to know why this particular thing happened, we won’t get the full answer in this world. Someday we’ll see with clarity, but for now things are foggy. We can’t understand everything from our finite perspective. And frankly, the people suffering from the Aurora tragedy don’t need a big theological treatise right now; any intellectual response is going to seem trite and inadequate. What they desperately need now is the very real and comforting presence of Jesus Christ in their lives. And I’m so grateful that so many churches and ministries of this community are helping them experience that.

But for us, let’s focus on the big, overarching issue of why God generally allows suffering in our lives – your life and mine. Friends, this is important: even though we can’t understand everything about it, we can understand some things. Let me give you an analogy.

Once Leslie and I were driving from Chicago to Door County, Wisconsin, which is that thumb-shaped peninsula that juts into Lake Michigan. We were driving up the highway in the dark, when it started raining heavily and we hit dense fog. I could barely see the white stripe on the edge of the road. I couldn’t stop because I was afraid someone might come along and rear-end us. It was frightening!

But then a truck appeared in front of us and we could clearly see his taillights through the fog. He apparently had fog lamps in front, because he was traveling at a confident and deliberate pace, and I knew if we could just follow those taillights, we’d be headed in the right direction.

And the same is true in understanding why there is tragedy and suffering in our lives and in our world. We may not be able to make out all the peripheral details of why — they may be obscured from our view — but there are some key Biblical truths that can illuminate some points of light for us. And if we follow those lights, they will lead us in the right direction, toward some conclusions that I believe can help satisfy our hearts and souls.

What are those points of light? Let me go through five of them that I’ve personally found helpful whenever I’ve been prompted to ask the question, “Why?” The first point of light: God is not the creator of evil and suffering.

This answers the question you hear so often: “Why didn’t God merely create a world where tragedy and suffering didn’t exist?” The answer is: He did! Genesis 1:31 says: “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

But if God is not the author of tragedy or evil or death, where did they come from? Well, God has existed from eternity past as the Father, Son and Spirit, together in a relationship of perfect love. So love is the highest value in the universe. And when God decided to create human beings, he wanted us to experience love. But to give us the ability to love, God had to give us free will to decide whether to love or not to love. Why? Because love always involves a choice.

If we were programmed to say, “I love you,” it wouldn’t really be love. When my daughter was little, she had a doll with a string in the back, and when you pulled it the doll said, “I love you.” Did that doll love my daughter? Of course not. It was programmed to say those words. To really experience love, that doll would need to have been able to choose to love or not to love. Again – real love always involves a choice.

So in order for us to experience love, God bestowed on us free will. But unfortunately, we humans have abused our free will by rejecting God and walking away from Him. And that has resulted in the introduction of two kinds of evil into the world: moral evil and natural evil.

Moral evil is the immorality and pain and suffering and tragedy that come because we choose to be selfish, arrogant, uncaring, hateful and abusive. Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

So much of the world’s suffering results from the sinful action or inaction of ourselves and others. For example, people look at a famine and wonder where God is, but the world produces enough food for each person to have 3,000 calories a day. It’s our own irresponsibility and self-centeredness that prevents people from getting fed.

In other words: look at your hand. You can choose to use that hand to hold a gun and shoot someone, or you can use it to feed hungry people. It’s your choice. But it’s unfair to shoot someone and then blame God for the existence of evil and suffering. Like that old cartoon said: “We have seen the enemy, and he is us.”

The second kind of evil is called natural evil. These are things like wildfires, earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes that cause suffering for people. But these, too, are the indirect result of sin being allowed into the world. As one author explained: “When we humans told God to shove off, He partially honored our request. Nature began to revolt. The earth was cursed. Genetic breakdown and disease began. Pain and death became part of the human experience.”

The Bible says it’s because of sin that nature was corrupted and “thorns and thistles” entered the world. Romans 8:22 says, “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.” In other words, nature longs for redemption to come and for things to be set right. That’s the source of disorder and chaos.

Let’s make this crystal clear once more: God did not create evil and suffering. Now, it’s true that he did create the potential for evil to enter the world, because that was the only way to create the potential for genuine goodness and love. But it was human beings, in our free will, who brought that potential evil into reality.

Some people ask, “Couldn’t God have foreseen all of this?” And no doubt he did. But look at it this way: many of you are parents. Even before you had children, couldn’t you foresee that there was the very real possibility they may suffer disappointment or pain or heartache in life, or that they might even hurt you and walk away from you? Of course — but you still had kids. Why? Because you knew there was also the potential for tremendous joy and deep love and great meaning.

Now, the analogy is far from perfect, but think about God. He undoubtedly knew we’d rebel against Him, but He also knew many people would choose to follow Him and have a relationship with Him and spend eternity in heaven with Him — and it was all worth it for that, even though it would cost His own Son great pain and suffering to achieve their redemption.

So, first, it helps me to remember, as I ponder the mystery of pain and evil, that God did not create them. The second point of light is this: Though suffering isn’t good, God can use it to accomplish good.

He does this by fulfilling His promise in Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Notice that the verse doesn’t say God causes evil and suffering, just that he promises to cause good to emerge. And notice that the verse doesn’t say we all will see immediately or even in this life how God has caused good to emerge from a bad circumstance. Remember, we only see things dimly in this world. And notice that God doesn’t make this promise to everyone. He makes the solemn pledge that he will take the bad circumstances that befall us and cause good to emerge if we’re committed to following Him.

The Old Testament gives us a great example in the story of Joseph, who went through terrible suffering, being sold into slavery by his brothers, unfairly accused of a crime and falsely imprisoned. Finally, after a dozen years, he was put in a role of great authority where he could save the lives of his family and many others.

This is what he said to his brothers in Genesis 50:20: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” And if you’re committed to God, He promises that He can and will take whatever pain you’re experiencing and draw something good from it.

You might say, “No, he can’t in my circumstance. The harm was too great, the damage was too extreme, the depth of my suffering has been too much. No, in my case there’s no way God can cause any good to emerge.”

But if you doubt God’s promise, listen to what a wise man said to me when I was researching my book, The Case for Faith: God took the very worst thing that has ever happened in the history of the universe — decide, or the death of God on the cross — and turned it into the very best thing that has happened in history of universe: the opening up of heaven to all who follow Him. So if God can take the very worst circumstance imaginable and turn it into the very best situation possible, can he not take the negative circumstances of your life and create something good from them?

He can and He will. God can use our suffering to draw us to Himself, to mold and sharpen our character, to influence others for Him – He can draw something good from our pain in a myriad of ways…if we trust and follow Him.

Now, the third point of light: The day is coming when suffering will cease and God will judge evil.

A lot of times you’ll hear people say: “If God has the power to eradicate evil and suffering, then why doesn’t He do it?” And the answer is that because He hasn’t done it yet doesn’t mean He won’t do it. You know, I wrote my first novel last year. What if someone read only half of it and then slammed it down and said, “Well, Lee did a terrible job with that book. There are too many loose ends with the plot. He didn’t resolve all the issues with the characters.” I’d say, “Hey – you only read half the book!”

And the Bible says that the story of this world isn’t over yet. It says the day will come when sickness and pain will be eradicated and people will be held accountable for the evil they’ve committed. Justice will be served in a perfect way. That day will come, but not yet.

So what’s holding God up? One answer is that some of you may be. He’s actually delaying the consummation of history in anticipation that some of you will still put your trust in Him and spend eternity in heaven. He’s delaying everything out of His love for you. Second Peter 3:9 says: “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”To me, that’s evidence of a loving God, that He would care that much for you.

Point of Light #4: Our suffering will pale in comparison to what God has in store for his followers.

I certainly don’t want to minimize pain and suffering, but it helps if we take a long-term perspective. Look at this verse, and remember they were written by the apostle Paul, who suffered through beatings and stonings and shipwrecks and imprisonments and rejection and hunger and thirst and homelessness and far more pain that most of us will ever have to endure. These are his words:

Second Corinthians 4:17: “For our light and momentary troubles” — wait a second: light and momentary troubles?Five different times his back was shredded when he was flogged 39 lashes with a whip; three times he was beaten to a bloody pulp by rods. But he says, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

Paul also wrote Romans 8:18: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Think of it this way. Let’s say that on the first day of 2012, you had an awful, terrible day. You had an emergency root canal at the dentist and the ran out of pain-killers. You crashed your car and had no insurance. Your stock portfolio took a nosedive. Your spouse got sick. A friend betrayed you. From start to finish, it was like the title of that children’s book: Alexander & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

But then every other day of the year was just incredibly terrific. Your relationship with God is close and real and intimate. A friend wins the lottery and gives you $100 million. You get promoted at work to your dream job. Time magazine puts your photo on its cover as “The Person of the Year.” You have your first child and he’s healthy and strong. Your marriage is idyllic, your health is fabulous, you have a six-month vacation in Tahiti.

Then next New Year’s Day someone asks, “So, how was your 2012?” You’d say, “It was great; it was wonderful!” And they’d say, “But didn’t it start out bad? Didn’t you go through a lot of trouble that first day?”

You’d think back and say, “You’re right. That was a bad day, no denying it. It was difficult at the time. It was hard. It was painful. But when I look at the totality of the year, when I put everything in context, it’s been a great year. The 364 terrific days far outweigh the one bad day. That day just sort of fades away.”

And maybe that’s a good analogy for heaven. Listen to me – that is not to deny the reality of your pain in this life. It might be terrible. It might be chronic. My wife Leslie has a medical condition that puts her in pain every single day. Maybe you’re suffering from a physical ailment or heartache at this very moment. But in heaven, after 354,484,545 days of pure bliss — and with an infinite more to come — if someone asked, “So, how has your existence been?”, you’d instantly react by saying, “It has been absolutely wonderful! Words can’t describe the joy and the delight and the fulfillment!”

And if they said, “But didn’t you have a tough time before you got here,” you’d probably think back and say, “Well, yes, it’s true that those days were painful, I can’t deny that. They were difficult, they were bad. But when I put them into context, in light of all God’s outpouring of goodness to me, those bad days aren’t even worth comparing with the eternity of blessings and joy that I’m experiencing.”

It’s like the story that British church leader Galvin Reid tells about meeting a young man who had fallen down a flight of stairs as a baby and shattered his back. He had been in and out of hospitals his whole life — and yet he made the astounding comment that he thinks God is fair. Reid asked him, “How old are you?” The boy said, “Seventeen.” Reid asked, “How many years have you spend in hospitals?” The boy said, “Thirteen years.” The pastor said with astonishment, “And you think that is fair?” And the boy replied: “Well, God has all eternity to make it up to me.”

And He will. God promises a time when there will be no more crying, no more tears, no more pain and suffering, when we will be reunited with God in perfect harmony, forever. Let the words of First Corinthians 2:9 soak into your soul: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” That’s absolutely breath-taking, isn’t it?

Finally, Point of Light #5: We decide whether to turn bitter or turn to God for peace and courage.

We’ve all seen examples of how the same suffering that causes one person to turn bitter, to reject God, to become hard and angry and sullen, can cause another person to turn to God, to become more gentle and more loving and more tender, willing to reach out to compassionately help other people who are in pain. Some who lose a child to a drunk driver turn inward in chronic rage and never-ending despair; another turns outward to help others by founding Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

As one philosopher said: “I believe all suffering is at least potential good, an opportunity for good. It’s up to our free choice to actualize that potential. Not all of us benefit from suffering and learn from it, because that’s up to us, it’s up to our free will.”

We make the choice to either run away from God or to run to Him. But what happens if we run to Him?

I started this talk with part of what Jesus said in John 16:33. Now let me give you the entire verse: “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. But be courageous! I have conquered the world.”

In other words, He offers us the two very things we need when we’re hurting: peace to deal with our present and courage to deal with our future. How? Because he has conquered the world! Through His own suffering and death, He has deprived this world of its ultimate power over you. Suffering doesn’t have the last word anymore. Death doesn’t have the last word anymore. God has the last word!

So let me finish the story of Leslie and I driving through the fog in Wisconsin. We were following the taillights of that truck when the fog slowly began to lift, the rain began to let up and we entered a town with some lights – things were becoming clearer, we could see better, and as we rounded a curve, silhouetted against the night sky, guess what we saw? We saw the steeple of a church and the cross of Christ. After driving through the confusion of the fog for so long, that image struck me with poignancy I’ll never forget. Because it was through that cross that Jesus conquered the world for us.

As that wise man once said to me: God’s ultimate answer to suffering isn’t an explanation; it’s the incarnation. Suffering is a personal problem; it demands a personal response. And God isn’t some distant, detached, and disinterested deity; He entered into our world and personally experienced our pain. Jesus is there in the lowest places of our lives. Are you broken? He was broken, like bread, for us. Are you despised? He was despised and rejected of men. Do you cry out that you can’t take any more? He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Did someone betray you? He was sold out. Are your most tender relationships broken? He loved and He was rejected. Did people turn from you? They hid their faces from Him as if He were a leper. Does He descend into all of our hells? Yes, He does. From the depths of a Nazi death camp, Corrie ten Boom wrote these words: “No matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still.” Every tear we shed becomes his tear.

And then the wise man told me this: it’s not just that God knows and sympathizes with you in your troubles. After all, any close friend can do that. Any close friend can sit beside you and comfort you and empathize with you. No, Jesus is much closer than your closest friend. Because if you’ve put your trust in Him, then He is in you. And, therefore, your sufferings are His sufferings; your sorrow is His sorrow.

So when tragedy strikes, as it will; when suffering comes, as it will; when you’re wrestling with pain, as you will – and when you make the choice to run into His arms, here’s what you’re going to discover: you’ll find peace to deal with the present, you’ll find courage to deal with your future, and you’ll find the incredible promise of eternal life in heaven.

As I’ve been saying, all of us will go through pain and suffering. But let me end by going back to this specific tragedy that took place two days ago in Aurora. For all the things it leaves us confused about, one of the truths it clearly illustrates is that life is so fragile and short. These people were going to a movie! They had no clue that this might be their last moments in this world. Friends, in this sin-scarred world, we never know when death will come knocking. Often, we don’t get any warning when a heart attack strikes, or when a drunk driver crosses the center line, or when a wildfire sweeps through a canyon, or when an airplane loses power. And so the question I’m compelled to ask you is this – “Are you ready?”

One of the first verses I memorized as a Christian is First John 5:13: “These things I’ve written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God in order that you may know that you have eternal life.”

God doesn’t want you wondering. He doesn’t want you steeped in anxiety over whether you’re headed for heaven. His infallible, inerrant Word says you can know for sure.

Don’t rely on the fact that you come to church or you’ve gone through some sort of religious ritual in the past. The Bible is clear that we can be religious but not be in a relationship with God. Religious activities and affiliations never saved anyone. Salvation comes from knowing Christ personally and receiving His provision for YOUR sin and YOUR future. It comes from making him YOUR Savior, by asking Him to forgive YOUR every sin, and by asking Him to lead YOUR life.

But it doesn’t happen automatically. It doesn’t come by attending a great church, or being baptized, or taking communion, or hanging out with a bunch of Christians. It comes from deciding in your heart that you want to turn from your sin, to stop trusting in your own resources, and to accept the forgiveness and eternal life that Jesus purchased on the cross and is offering you as a free gift. THAT is how you gain God’s peace and confidence.

So settle it now! Resolve this today, at this moment, so that if tragedy were to strike, your eternity with God would be secure. I don’t know all the ways God is going to draw some good from this Aurora situation, but wouldn’t it be something if He were starting right now, with you personally, and using this message to bring you into His kingdom at this very moment? Let the pain of that tragedy open your heart to Christ. Let’s take what was intended for evil and watch God start creating something good from it.

Pray with me right now to receive Christ – so that you can know for sure that even if the very worst thing were to happen to you after you leave the auditorium today, it will immediately be followed by the very best thing of all.

Lord Jesus, I believe that You are the unique Son of God. I confess to You that I’m a sinner. In repentance and faith, I reach out right now and receive the free gift of forgiveness and eternal life that You graciously purchased on the cross when You died as my substitute to pay for all of my sins. Please, Lord Jesus, lead my life – because from this moment on, I am Yours. I pray this is Your name. Amen.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Issues of the Heart

When the events in Charleston happened, it seemed like my brain turned to mush. I am a Christian, a churchgoer, and I cannot fathom how one can be sitting in church, praying and studying the Bible and in the next hour be shot by the person sitting next to you. It's unfathomable to me that the person you welcomed, could turn around and kill you. (I've seen strange things happen in church, but until Charleston nothing like this.)

After this atrocity occurred and the perpetrator caught, the victims' families and the shooter were in court together. Some of the victims families chose immediately to forgive and this action in and of itself made many wonder.

I don't have a problem with forgiveness.
I don't have a problem reading about victims forgiving criminal perpetrators. When you bring race in to the equation, I don't have a problem reading about Black victims forgiving white criminal offenders.

Under normal circumstances, reading about forgiveness is heartwarming, gut wrenching, and sometimes seems as if it's something only others can do.

True forgiveness is an act of the will that can only be done if the heart is right. The public forgiveness of the victims' families to the perpetrator brought these questions to mind:

How do we change our hearts so that we can forgive? This may be the hardest thing to do. When we hurt, it cuts deep and it seems to take a while to heal from the hurt. Being hurt is like a cut, which eventually over time heals. It speaks to the resilience of the human heart the amount of pain - both physical and emotional that we can endure. Yet when we ultimately choose to forgive, it's as if we speed up the healing process. Joseph was sold in to slavery by his brothers; if anyone had reason to be unforgiving, he did. He could have stayed angry and hurt over all the years thinking of what his brothers did to him. But Joseph forgave his brothers and if you read the story in Genesis, it would seem he did this long before he met up with them many years later. But the brothers did not know the condition of Joseph's heart. Many years later, they regretted their actions. Now after the "great reveal", and their father's death, they are now afraid that Joseph won't forgive them. In Genesis 50:16, 17 Jacob - their father, before he died, commanded that the brothers ask Joseph for forgiveness; so out of fear they are now doing so.  Joseph, the wronged party responded:  “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.  No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them. Speaking kindly to them was one evidence of Joseph's changed heart.

Is there a timeline for forgiveness?  I thought initially that the only timeline is yours - the offended party. But if you are never able to forgive, or won't, where does that leave you?  Protracted disagreement leads to resentment which if not tended to can snowball into unforgiveness. Matthew 5:21-26 speaks of reconciliation and sacrifice. Verse 25 says -  “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly." The context is regarding legal matters but the overriding concept is one of forgiveness. "Agree with thine adversary quickly" indicates that as soon as you have opportunity for restoration, follow through and seek forgiveness.  There may not be a definitive timeline in terms of hours or days, but you were never meant to carry unforgiveness to the grave. Allow your heart to heal and to change so that you can forgive, whether seeking or receiving. You can forgive as soon as you recognize that holding on to the hurt won't help you; then it's one less burden for you to carry. When we consider the importance of reconciliation, and the uncertainty of life, it becomes necessary to seek peace with God and with each other, without delay.

Does forgiveness change a societal double standard? In the short term - it would appear not. But the reality is, if all of us were willing to have heart transplants and forgive as often as we hold a grudge it would make a difference; it would go a long way to influencing a change here in our country where this country's sin of slavery of Black people, still leaves its mark. It doesn't indicate a weakness of Black people, but on the contrary a strength.  To react in kind when wronged - anyone can do that. But to react counter to what is expected, that strengthens you while it confounds and confuses the offender.

Is forgiveness really that hard? Forgiveness may be hard but it's not impossible. Think about how you felt when someone forgave you - on your part you were probably relieved and vowed never to do whatever caused the situation in the first place. You were the benefactor of grace and mercy. You may have been awestruck that someone would do something like this for you.  And then someone wrongs you - you now know about forgiveness because someone forgave you. You have a choice now - forgive or hold on to the offence? This scenario played out in Matthew 18:23-35.
Let's say you've never had to seek forgiveness from another human being (I'd like to meet you); because we are not perfect, the Ultimate Forgiver, forgave us all. Since he forgives us for any and everything, it's incumbent on us to try and do the same for others.

The Lord's Prayer may be the most quoted prayer from the Bible; in the middle of this prayer are these words: and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
Forgiveness is part of the Christian life, it's what we are called to do. It's not empty words or something to be done when we get around to it. It's necessary for harmonious living.

Forgiveness and reconciliation - that's the goal.

Can you forgive? 
I started this post a couple of days after the Charleston incident, but I was confounded on how to present the issue of forgiveness. At the time it felt too raw to write about forgiveness. Then my Time subscription came and the article provided a perfect segue in to my thoughts. This recent Time magazine article provides in-depth insight on forgiveness and what it means as it relates to Charleston victims and their families.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Restoration and Renewal

Job, a righteous man, has been on some roller coaster ride: first he had a lot - he was wealthy with a good family; then he had nothing -  he lost all of his possessions, his children and his health. His friends comforted him initially, which was good, but they ended up rebuking him as they "comforted" him. A fourth friend shows up - Elihu, who offered more palatable advice and then disappeared. Then God showed up out of the whirlwind and questioned Job.

When we recite the story of Job, we talk about his suffering and his eventual restoration but we often overlook what happens before Job is restored.

After God confronted Job, he is humbled and expressed it in Job 42:2-6[NLT]:

I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’
My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”

Job is humbled and acknowledged the sovereignty of God.  I think as humans we struggle with sovereignty - it's not a concept we are comfortable giving to other humans because we feel they are just like us. But God is not just like us - he is above us and defies human comprehension and is worthy of ascribing sovereignty. He can become like man and interact with us, but he is not only a man; He is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent.

Job also acknowledged his ignorance of God - surely I spoke of things I had no knowledge of. This may be the epitome of submission - recognizing that with all of your smarts, you will never be as knowledgeable of God.

He acknowledged that he had a spiritual encounter - not at all similar to what he had with his friends. His friends left him depressed and angry - God did not. As a matter of fact, Job was left in a better place emotionally and spiritually, though at this point in time his situation was still the same.

Job repented - "I despise myself." Job had an about face in his thoughts. Job knew he was a righteous man but after having an encounter with God, though righteous he despised himself. What a change in mindset.

Before Job was restored, God also rebuked Job's friends for the bad advice they gave him and for slandering God; they were wrong in their observations of how God works as it related to Job's life and in general. They did not provide an accurate representation of God's attributes; they totally overlooked God's grace, mercy and sovereignty. Therefore God instructed Job's friends to make a sacrifice and Job had to intercede or pray for them; at which point, God accepted Job's prayers on his friends behalf.

  • His fortunes were doubled
  • He had 10 more children - and his 3 daughters were considered especially beautiful
  • Friends came by to console him and to give donations
  • He went on to live to 140 and saw 4 generations of his children
  • He died an old man and full of years
We don't know how long Job's trials lasted, but he was never in them alone. God referred to Job as my servant, before the trials started and during the trials.

Sometimes, we wish to be restored and also have our latter greater than our beginning, without actually going through the trial and humbling ourselves. It's not just the going through, it's the changed mindset to one of submission that actually helps us to overcome.

Where are you right now? Are you encouraged by the story of Job? Do your trials make you stronger or bitter? In your trials are you momentarily angry with God or do you accept his sovereignty? Does knowing why you go through anything help you? If yes, how? If no, why not?

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Why? Because I Said So.

After Job went through all of his trials God showed up, but probably not in the way he expected.  All along Job had been questioning why all of these terrible things were happening to him. His friends showed up but then they started to speculate and pontificate, making the situation worse, yet Job still had no idea why he was suffering. He didn't realize that this was something that God ordained.

If you've ever had a toddler that kept asking you why, you might be able to relate to Job. When you as the mother or parent finally say, it's because I said so, in that moment you are exerting your parental rights and authority. All questions cease because you said so.

Well, God finally showed up and in a manner of speaking said to Job, it's because I said so.

In Job 38 and 39 God appears to Job out of a whirlwind and immediately sets the tone: God said, "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?"  I can imagine Job inwardly cringing and saying 'uh oh." God tells him he has to man up: "dress for action like a man, I will question you and you make it known to me.

God proceeds to give Job a dissertation on the universe in the form of questions that Job cannot answer or conceive the answers to:

  • Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
  • Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place?
  • Who kept the sea inside its boundaries and said here your proud waves must stop?
  • Do you know where the gates of death are located?
  • Where does light come from and where does darkness go?
  • Have you visited the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of hail?
  • Who created a channel for the torrents of rain?
  • Who laid out the path for the lightning?
  • Can you direct the movement of the stars?
  • Do you know the laws of the universe? Can you use them to regulate the earth?
  • Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind? (Job 38:36 - my new favorite verse)
And then He goes to the animals in the universe:
  • Do you know when the wild goats give birth?
  • Have you watched as deer are born in the wild?
  • Who gives the wild donkey its freedom?
  • Will the wild ox consent to being tamed?
  • He mentions the ostrich who appears dumb but has great speed to protect her offspring.
  • Have you given the horse its strength or clothed its neck with a flowing mane?
  • Is it your wisdom that makes the hawk soar and spread its wings toward the south?
  • Is it at your command that the eagle rises to the heights to make its nest?
  • And finally - shall a fault finder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it.
 Job is not the first person to think that he could get the answer he wanted from God. At the end of this questioning, Job recognized that even though he wanted answers from God all along, he could not answer God's questions. Job saw his limitations and recognized his weakness. Job was humbled. I want to be aligned with someone who is all powerful - not just a mere man.
In our trials, we are never alone. God is there and if we will just still our minds, we can hear what he is trying to tell us.

Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind? Job 38:36 [NLT]

Can you remember a time when God showed up? Was it during a tumultuous time? How do you feel about the sovereignty of God - i.e. because I said so?

Monday, November 2, 2015

Depression is Real

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash
I'm a Christian; I came to this realization very early in life and have lived a life aligned with the Christian faith. Within Christianity, there are common thoughts that persist even though they are untrue. One of those thoughts is that Christians don't get depressed, or depression is not real.

In reading the book of Job in the Bible, Job acknowledges that he was depressed. His troubles were weighing him down and he didn't understand why so he suffered bouts of depression during his trials.

In Job 30:11,18-23  Job feels cut off and far away from God.
In Job 20:1-14  Job acknowledges that he's faded from prominence.
In Job 30:15-17; 24-31 Job mentions living in terror; he's poor depressed and sick.

Job had all of the conditions that were ripe for (situational) depression, and he expressed it to his friends and to God.

In addition to Job there are many other Biblical figures that dealt with depression:

David - Psalms 37-40 David reflecting on instances when he was wronged. How often the psalms comfort us when we are down.
Jonah - Jonah 4 Jonah felt sorry for himself because of what God decided.
Elijah - 1 Kings 19 Elijah experienced an emotional letdown after defeating false gods.
King Saul - 1 Samuel 16:14-23 - Saul was tormented in his spirit.

So it is foolhardy of Christians to act as if depression does not exist or to simply make light of our emotional state. Job was ill, lost his possessions and his children.  He reasoned with God, questioned God and yet he was still depressed and his situation remained the same. But Job had something many depressed people may not have - he had hope. He did not go into a state of permanent despair, a place where many seem to be and can't seem to escape it. He knew God had the final answer and he would continue to trust God in spite of his circumstances and no matter how he felt.

Depression is an all-encompassing word for when we're feeling down; however, there are degrees of depression (Source):
  • Situational depression is, as the name implies, brought on by adverse situations.
  • Clinical depression is an ongoing condition that lasts every day for most of the day and for longer than two weeks.
  • Chronic depression is less intense than clinical depression but can last much longer—two years at least. It's characterized by fatigue, sadness, and general malaise, and it can be punctuated by bouts of clinical depression.
In your depression, you may be prone to losing hope. Even as a believer you may feel the debilitating consequences of depression; the sadness that overwhelms and makes you feel like you can't go on; the fatigue that drains and immobilizes; the fuzzy feeling that clouds your thinking; the inability to express emotions properly. When we are overtired, stressed, or anxious for long periods of time this may lead to depression. Or sometimes there can be a hormonal imbalance as is the case after giving birth.
The point of this post is that depression exists but it doesn't have to be permanent. You don't need to remain depressed forever. I have been depressed at various points in life. Once I recognized it, I did everything I could to get past it. I researched remedies, went to my doctor, took more time for me, prayed more, and read my Bible more which led to amazing revelations for me that ultimately removed the depression. Like Job, even when I was depressed I never gave up hope. I chose to believe the truths of God's word vs. the lies of the devil. I shared with those closest to me and they were able to help, hold my hand and encourage me.
I've noticed that in marriage when one is up the other is down and vice versa - and it's good because we can be what the other needs at that point in time. In the rare or occasional moments when we're both down we talk it out, laugh it out or hug it out because sometimes nothing can be said. Job had his wife, who is often misunderstood and his friends who at some point became miserable comforters. But in all of this when humans failed Him, he held on to the faithfulness of God. He never gave up on God.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!

If you're depressed don't give up hope; seek help and trust God that this too will pass, if not in this life, in the next.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Miserable Comforters - Don't Be One

Job's three friends became miserable comforters.

"I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are!
Won’t you ever stop blowing hot air?
What makes you keep on talking?" Job 16:2[NLT]

Job's friends knew him, yet at the point of his greatest need in attempting to comfort him, their words became like swords that inflicted severe lacerations. After the first round when Job heard their arguments, but did not agree with them they became more vitriolic. It was almost as if they were upset that he still maintained his integrity - it was no longer about Job but about them.

First they wondered if he did something that would cause all of this calamity to fall on him. Remember Job was a righteous man - God and the Devil knew it, so the answer to their query was Job did nothing wrong. Job was not afraid to speak up in his defense; he knew he was a righteous man, but he questioned God because the degree of his suffering was incomprehensible to him.

Because Job never veered from his convictions - his friends went in harder. They called him names and accused him of many things (Job 15-21). They called him:

  • Wicked
  • A Windbag
  • Pious
  • Proud
  • Stupid
  • A sinner
  • A maggot
  • A worm

In spite of these harsh words Job continued to stand up for himself and was never cowed by his friend's words. A weaker person than Job may have taken some of these friends words to heart.

In chapter 16:2 he calls them miserable comforters and after the final round of speeches from his friends he wonders what has gotten in to them: "Where have you gotten all these wise sayings? Whose spirit speaks through you?" Job 26:4[NLT] (Go Job!!!)

All of Job's trials including the words of his friends were meant to make him turn his back on God, but Job was a man of integrity and stood his ground. In spite of his grief and his downed spirit he knew his friends were wrong, unkind and not very encouraging.

Sometimes when we are going through things, the very people that we think will comfort us with their words, don't. Sometimes pride gets in the way and the comforter can no longer empathize. Sometimes even without pride, it's hard to walk in another's shoes and really feel what they are feeling.  Sometimes we think our advice is so good we wonder why our hurting friend rejects it. Perhaps the time wasn't right - they just needed you to be there. They needed the gift of your presence, not the presence of your voice. Perhaps you were a miserable comforter to a hurting friend or you were the recipient of words that wounded more than helped. Let's learn from Job's friends - let's watch our words as we attempt to comfort our friends. Let's speak less and listen more. Let's be slow to rush to judgement.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9 [NLT]

What can you learn from Job's friends during his greatest need?

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Potty Training

Potty training made me realize that parenting was going to be a bit more complicated than I anticipated.

Before I had children, I determined that they would be well behaved and obedient; they would have good manners, excel in school and be all around good children, all because this is what I wanted.

And then I had children.

Potty training the first child - my son, was a bit of an adventure. Everyone said boys are harder than girls so I anticipated some difficulty. It was a Saturday and I placed him in underpants. I told him when he had to use the bathroom to go to the potty or to let me know when he had to go;  at this point in time I don't remember. What I do remember was him not understanding initially, so when he had to go, he stood right where he was and made a puddle.  I remember spanking him on the butt and telling him the next time he has to go, go to the bathroom. Well that spank worked, and by the end of the day he had the hang of it and there were no more accidents. Soon he was potty trained.

Looking back- I realized that this child wanted to please.

Then came my first daughter. Potty training her was a non-event. It was time to be a big girl, and a big girl she became. I don't remember any accidents or protracted discussions.

Looking back - I realized this child was efficient.

So by now when the third child comes along I figure I'm a pro at potty training. I've potty trained two children and we're still standing. I approach potty training this child, a girl, with confidence, which I would soon learn was misplaced. I did everything I did with the first two but nothing worked; absolutely nothing. This child was content to wallow around in her filth even though she knew it was time to be a big girl. I remember giving up and saying to myself, "I've never seen an 18 year old in diapers, so I'm sure we'll eventually figure this out." What saved me was her preschool teacher; basically she had more patience than I.

Looking back - I realized this child was strong-willed.


Before potty training, I never took in to account the individual personalities of each child. After potty training I was keenly aware of this and learned that the approach needs to be tailored based on the child. I'm glad I had this light-bulb moment when they were quite young. Though we are all made in the image of God, each of us has our own unique personality - we are variations on a theme. I realized that I couldn't rely solely on my knowledge, but I had to rely on the One who made these children. The point was, whenever I thought I knew something, I was humbled by a child teaching me to do things a different way. The child was never in charge, but as a parent I was willing to make adjustments to get the best result.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 [NLT]

Did you learn anything profound from potty training your children? What preconceived notions did you have about parenting before becoming a parent?

Update - I have 4 children; it's not that I didn't learn anything from potty training her but she is a work in progress so I didn't mention her. By the time she came around I learned not to rely on prior knowledge but to approach this with no pre-conceived notions. She is not as strong-willed as child #3, but seems to be a combination of #1 and #2. Suffice it to say, I did not forget her. To my attentive readers - thank you for noticing.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Friendships - Three Good Friends

Job was a lucky man - he had three good friends. When his friends heard of all the calamitous things that had happen to him, the three of them made a plan to see their beleaguered friend. When they saw him they sat with him for seven days and said nothing.

Then they opened their mouths - and it all went downhill from there.  Thankfully the friendship survived.

It's great to have friends that can be there for us through the good, but especially the bad. The Bible speaks a lot about friendships; even Jesus had his disciples who were followers and friends. John 15:13-15[NLT]

Job's friends were intentional - when they heard, they got together, and traveled from their homes to be with him. Imagine this, in the time before cell phones or email. The communication was not instantaneous and yet in spite of the elapsed time they made a plan to be there for their friend. Whenever they got there it would be the right time.

Job's friends shared his grief - .When they first saw him they cried loudly - these were some emotional men! Then they sat with him for seven days and seven nights and said nothing for they saw that his suffering was great - this is the epitome of being there for a friend. Your presence alone is a wonderful comfort; nothing needs to be said.

Job's friends were male - we make a big deal today about female friendships and the need for girlfriends, but a little known fact is that men need friendships also and Job had this in spades. Men can be vulnerable and open with each other (in their own way) and reap the benefits of friendship.

Job proved to be a very good friend, for at the end of his trials Job prayed for his friends in spite of some of the things they said to, and about him, and then Job was restored. Is there a correlation?

11 When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. 12 When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. Job 2: 11-13 [NLT]

Human beings seem to do better when they have friends around; it's as if we were wired for this interaction.

How many of us have three good friends? How many of us can forgive our friends and remain friends with them?