This post catches me by surprise as I never expected to have this depth of emotion around the relationship I have with my son. My son already holds a special place in my heart as he was my first child and he is the only boy. My son introduced me to motherhood and it was a really pleasant introduction. I've never had difficult pregnancies or deliveries; as a matter of fact, I gave birth to all 4 children without any pain meds (I'm either strong or stupid!). When I had my son, I can't say I knew what love was immediately, but over time I learned.
My son was a pleasant baby with an easy going disposition. He was always a foodie who ate well. As a matter of fact, because I was a new mother and he was a good eater, I didn't introduce foods properly so when he developed allergies, I was never sure what he was allergic to. He always seemed to love being around me and wanting to please me. Though this sounds idyllic it wasn't always the case. As is the way with children, as they grow they don't always adhere to your wishes. Also since he was my first child, I must admit that his quiet, pleasant disposition cloaked a whirlwind of emotions that I was not attuned to.
For the past week, I have been in NY spending time with my mother who was gravely ill. Through circumstances, my son was here also. When I came in on Friday night, I was tired but one of my brothers convinced me that I should stop by the hospital that night to visit my mother. I was surprised by her condition yet happy to see her. She said, "tell me everything," in a deep slow voice that I had never heard from her. She was alert enough to remember that I was not a night person and I was able to have some honest dialogue with her around her situation. She expressed the desire to go "home" and never anticipating all of "this". I spent a couple of hours at the hospital and told her I would be back later the next day.
On Saturday, I went with some family friends to visit her,around 11am. On that drive, I realized that walking to the hospital was a viable option that would probably allow me to reflect and unload each day as I walked. My son called me around midday on Saturday to let me know he was on his way back and he would meet me at the hospital Saturday evening. From that point on, until her death we walked, talked, and spent time together.
Though my mom was transitioning from Earth to her final resting place my son being with me each step of the way made it bearable. Our routine was to walk to the hospital, read
Our Daily Bread to her, pray and sometimes sing. Then she just wanted company in the room. So we'd talk, watch TV or take turns being with her. Each day she got less and less responsive. Wednesday was the worse - she slept all day and ate nothing. She couldn't suck water from a straw, but I was able to give her 2 teaspoons of water.
When we came in on Thursday morning, we both sort of knew without saying anything. My son read the Daily Bread and prayed. Then we proceeded to sing. Every hymn or chorus that was a favorite of hers, we sang. My son doesn't know hymns (he's a millennial), but he found them on the phone and joined in. We made beautiful music together. I determined that I would sing for as long as it took. Her blood pressure was very low and dropping rapidly. Her doctor came by to update me on her condition and told me what I suspected. As we kept singing my son hugged me, held grandma and sang along with me. I notified my siblings and anyone nearby to come. During one of our songs, I heard her gasp and take her final breath. My sister made it as did my older brother and they joined in the choir! My sister placed her hand on my mom's chest and felt when her heart stopped beating, but I was not aware of this until the nurse came to change the IV and mentioned that her heart had stopped. September 1st, 2016 at 12:18 pm my mom's heart stopped beating and my son was right there with me.
I never anticipated this connection from my son, but my heart is so full. My mom is no longer ill and she was truly peaceful when she left this earth. I'm happy about that. I'm overwhelmed by the love, kindness, and compassion of my son. I raised him. He was the first and I admit I didn't always know what I was doing, but God knew. As my mother would say to her grandson, "May you have God's riches blessings on your life."
Rest well, Mummy.
We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:2,7,8 [NLT]
PS - I love all my children equally.