Guest Post: The Beauty In Between

After reading this piece written by her friend, the Little One turned to me with awe in her voice and said, "Mummy, you've got to read this!" I read it and immediately reached out to this young writer to get her permission to share her thought-provoking work. BTW the Little One is not so little anymore; she'll be 17 in March.

Meranie McGuire is just a young woman trying to live her life Coram Deo. Through her writings, she conveys the lessons God has taught her through prayer and the study of His Word. She currently attends the University of Southern California as she pursues her B.S. in Business Administration with a Minor in Religion. Meranie is young but has a deep understanding of the reality of God. There are no age limits when you're used by God. Paul noted of Timothy that "You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus (2 Timothy 3:15 NLT)." The same can be said of this writer. Read on.

The Rogue Squirrel

For the past three weeks in Southern California, it has been raining consistently. Every day there is rain - lots of it, torrential downpours. Nothing like I've seen since I've lived here. As I was listening to the rain and working one morning, I noticed movement in the backward. I stopped for a second then continued working. But the movement was still there, so I explored further. There was a squirrel in one of the chairs. Somehow he had poked a hole in the seat and was taking the cotton out of the chair. When the squirrel became aware of me, it ran off with the cotton in its mouth. I had never seen that before and it made me smile and marvel at the same time.

I could only deduce that he was using the cotton to keep his living quarters warm. I did some online research which confirmed that squirrels make nests in trees of leaves and limbs but for extra warmth, they will use whatever they can find, like carpet fibers and cotton.

The unseasonably cold and rainy weather brought that squirrel to a chair in my backyard where I witnessed him absconding with a mouthful of cotton. I'm not an animal lover by any stretch of the imagination, but this simple act by the squirrel magnified the greatness of God in all of His creation. That pesky squirrel was ingenious enough to find additional warmth for his nest by using my backward chair. It's a minor inconvenience for me and a lifesaver for the squirrel.

When I look at nature and see God's handiwork, I can only say that he is amazing. When I see how everything in nature works together perfectly, again I'm amazed. I surely could not have provided such detail if it were up to me. And if God can wire a squirrel to take care of itself, how much more care went into me? Just like He made that squirrel, He made me and knows every part of me. 

For the life of every living thing is in his hand and the breath of every human being. Job 12:10 [NLT]

Does nature move you to praise God?

On a Lighter Note....

In the past month, I've traveled a lot. While returning to the US with my daughters, going through  customs, in Miami I was asked by the officer if we were sisters. He kept expressing his disbelief and didn't believe it until he confirmed it by looking at our passports. I have 3 daughters and was with the 13 and 22-year-old. In NY, whenever I went out with my daughters, folks thought we were friends or sisters. At one store, in particular, the cashier asked where my daughter was from, not realizing she was my daughter and I said, "she's my daughter." She nearly freaked out. By the way, I'm never anticipating these responses.

This has been happening for awhile - I distinctly remember 5 years ago when we were returning from Jamaica, again at Customs, I was asked if we were sisters.

At my mom's funeral - someone had an in-depth conversation with my daughter believing she was me.  It was quite humorous - after the fact.

When I visited my mom in the hospital, several times I noticed the smoothness and softness of her skin. Though sick, the skin on her face was beautiful. I don't believe she had any wrinkles.

So honestly, I have to say I have good genes. But in addition, I only wash with Cetaphil Face wash and the only moisturizer I use on my face is Philosophy's Hope in a Jar. When I visit Jamaica, I visit Jencare Skin Farm and may purchase a moisturizer from their skin care line. Periodically, I use bentonite clay to cleanse my face and I use baking soda as a natural exfoliant as needed.

I tried using oils and butters on my face but found that over time my pores became clogged and I developed pimples. I drink lots of water on a daily basis and ingest a green smoothie daily.

I enjoy the compliments, and will accept them gracefully as long as they're being given. Because I'm sure there will come a day when someone believes me when I tell them my age; until such time, the youthful compliments never get old!

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Proverbs 31:30 [NLT]

What's your beauty routine?

Feeling Sexy

Going to the grocery can produce all sorts of feelings, but I'm sure sexy is not the first thing that comes to mind.

When I'm in the grocery store, in particular in the produce section I feel like I'm doing something GOOD for my family.

When I look at the tomatoes, I remember that my husband loves tomatoes, so I look them over carefully to get the best ones. As I move on to the sweet potatoes, I remember that my son and daughter love sweet potatoes, so to appease them I'll get one or two. If they're on sale I might get more. As I pass by the herbs, I think about how rosemary, thyme, scallion and garlic really enhance the flavors of any dish, so I throw these in my cart also. Kale, spinach, and cucumbers go great in smoothies and keep us regular and when we're regular we're happier so in the cart they go. Squash reminds me of how the Little One devoured this when she was a toddler, so I pick up squash. We've figured out our berry tastes - so if blueberries are in season or on sale in the cart they go.

As I finger a fruit or vegetable, I am simultaneously thinking of the family I have created and that has been entrusted to me. When I think of my family, I feel love and loved and this makes me feel sexy.

Fruits and vegetables bring out the most excitement, meats next and junk food brings out the least excitement.

Because grocery shopping can be a chore this feeling doesn't come over me all the time. But when it does, there's a smile on my face, I'm light on my feet, I feel liberated, attractive, happy, confident and beautiful. And if that isn't sexy, I don't know what is.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Psalm 139:14 [NLT]

When do you feel sexy?

This Person I've Become - Earth Conscious

Source

Having lived in California for the past 7 years, certain things were bound to happen, but who knew they would happen to me.  About a year ago California banned all plastic bags at the grocery store. We were warned a year in advance and then once the law was implemented had a six month grace period to comply.

I, who never cared about such things,  now keep a supply of bags in my trunk at all times. When I go grocery shopping, once the bags are emptied I find myself immediately walking back to the car to store them in the trunk. I ensure that anyone in my house who may shop, also has a supply of bags. This is a new routine for me. The consequence of not doing this is having to pay .10 per bag whenever I shop and I refuse to do this. It seems that many folks think like me, because if they forget their bags they put everything back in the cart until they reach their car.

This new law has made me:

• Cost conscious - It seems that you shop based on how many bags you have. I haven't seen any research to substantiate this but just by observation I've seen this phenomenon. Also many grocery stores now give you a credit depending on how many bags you have.
• Bag conscious - Any bag that comes in to my house now has the potential of being reused as a grocery bag; so those fancy bags from high end boutiques, beach bags, or tote bags all now double as grocery bags in addition to grocery bags themselves. I have relearned the art of folding brown paper bags and then stacking them neatly in to one of my tote bags. I haven't gone so far (yet) as to make bags out of old t-shirts though!
• Environmentally conscious - apparently those plastic bags were wreaking havoc on the environment, killing marine life and generally becoming a nuisance to clean up. In writing this post and digging a little deeper I've learned that those plastic bags are non-biodegradable which means they don't decay; so long term those handy bags cause more harm than good.

Source
This bag is surprisingly sturdy! I carried one in my pocketbook all the time

And this is a complete surprise to me since I was never a hippie tree hugging sort of person (please excuse my ignorance, if this offends! :)) Changes in the law can force us to change our routine, but other things may do so also. For instance I was recently convicted by my lack focus and I am now consciously working to change that.

Though change may be hard, if it is for our good why not embrace it to see how much better we can become.

The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.The world and all its people belong to him. Psalms 24:1 [NLT]
What new routine have you recently started? It can be anything but I'd love to hear.

Notes From My Daughter - Here's The Thing About Saying, "I would never date a black girl."

Occasional notes from my 20 year old daughter. I never know what to expect when she writes, but it's usually a pleasant surprise.  Read on!

PS - I have tried to instill in my daughters the following thoughts: Know your worth, stand your ground and men are stupid.  The stupid men part is a caveat and only applies when men aren't willing to accept any woman's, but in particular my daughters worth. Men aren't really stupid.  Seems like this daughter knows her worth, and wanted to share some thoughts on dating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My daughter

The fact that this needs to be explained is so utterly surprising to me, but being a black woman living in South Africa, I've heard this phrase expressed with unbelievable frequency. It’s not the individual component of you not wanting to date me that hurts, it’s the inherent racism that you condone that hurts black women globally. And the same goes to you black men across the world who would “never date a dark skin girl” or “never date a black girl” unless of course she’s an exception.


I realized long ago that for some people, I as an individual was an “exception” because of my body type, hair texture, and because “I’m not like other black girls” and I REFUSE to take that as flattery. (And this is warning for girls: when a guy finds you to be his exception, he will typically keep you around as his “friend” all the while trying to go after others. You’re his back-up plan because he is confused by your existence not because you’re his ideal. You have just been warned because he will never say it). I don’t need you to consider me as valuable by deeming my sisters as unworthy. But once again, let’s get away from the individual component and get down to the issues. There are only so many things about a person’s external appearance that can possibly make them attractive:

1. Their features; skin, hair, facial structure, body type, etc.

2. What the culture assumes about said person because of their features

3. What you conclude about yourself and how you would relate to the conclusions you’ve made about someone you do not know based off of culture and/or your own perceived notions.

Beautiful Black Women

How do you perceive blackness and how do you perceive womanhood to the point where when they intersect you are no longer interested? Seriously, I challenge all men to consider that. Many times we know a lot of stereotypes but we don’t really know the people that we are either consciously or subconsciously condemning as lesser than. 

Why is it that if I say white woman, you don’t think she may have a loud or “intimidating” (I hate that adjective) personality, but that’s the dominant apprehension one typically has when it comes to dating a black woman? Can white people not be loud? What makes someone intimidating? Can a black woman not be introverted without being praised for her “atypical” demeanor as if her culture guarantees that she will be a loud banshee with no “class”? WHAT. IS. THIS. TOMFOOLERY?

Beauty in all shades

As you may be able to tell from the tone of this post I do take offense when I hear this from men of any color because this idea about dating in general is not simply coming from a vacuum of personal preference (that’s another post for another day) but from a culmination of messed up ideology that leaves the black women with the role of inferiority while everyone else is considered better than. Men I know this post might make you feel guilty, but have you ever considered that you just might be? I’m not here to criminalize you, but to really make you consider the common lack of empathy, consideration, and compassion projected towards black women globally. You do not experience her pain and you cannot tell her she is being dramatic because “it cannot be that deep.” The concept is foreign to you, but just because it is invisible from your point of view doesn't mean it is mythical. It may be difficult to understand but go out of your way to do so.

And black women, love yourself in the face of the mainstream ideology convincing you that no one else will. I am not saying this as though it is a simple task but I know I’m charging you to do something truly difficult. Don’t ask yourself “Will he ever date a black girl?”, as if you are some sort of alien to this world. I understand the distrust we have because of the experiences we know, but darling do not let them consume and DO NOT encourage the idea that you will never find love. Relationships are difficult and the way in which the world has framed them is very broken, but you are a beautiful complete human being made in the image of God. He’s your creator, not men. Don’t feel like you have to adopt other people’s culture, lose yourself, hide your culture, or anything else because of the lies and rumors that you've heard about your existence. You are accepted because of the unique elements that make you, you, including your blackness. There are challenges to loving and there are challenges to being loved but please know that you are not less than. You are so much more than you know.

2 generations

So in conclusion understand that by saying “You would never date a black girl” you are indeed validating every notion that society has upheld in efforts to oppress black women. Conversely understand that if (not saying it’s right, but if) a black women says “I would never date a white guy” its typically out distrust for the hurt they've already experienced unlike the disgust that typically comes from men and the stereotypes they have of black women whether they've experienced them or not. Also IF (once again not saying it’s right) a black women claims “I would never date a black guy,” you as a male typically still have other options that will potentially accept you. However, there is no privilege or mobility for a black woman; as a black women it’s typically understood that no one wants you because you are not the norm or ideal in a majority of cultures. This topic is too complex to fully address in one blog post but I hope I clarified the general pain, and expelled the foolish excuses that encourage the acceptability of the phrase: “I would never date a black girl.”

Young Beauties

 Lastly, this is not a request for black men or white men or any men to start asking me out. Once again, this is not about the individual act of dating but the mindset we condone around the simple human issue of relationship. Please leave me and my singleness alone :). I am content, I just wanted to explain the mechanisms feeding a deeply rooted wound that no one seems to understand besides those who have to feel its pain on a consistent basis. That’s all.

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

Source

When I came across the admonishment that as a woman I should strive for a gentle and quiet spirit, it was something I immediately wanted, but I wasn't sure if I could attain.

By nature I am exuberant, outgoing, and naturally possess a voice that carries - if I am called to speak I don't have a problem projecting and I don't necessarily need a microphone.

My vision of what a gentle quiet spirit looked like and my nature were diametrically opposed. Even in this I learned a powerful lesson - God can take anything and change it especially if it's beneficial and we are willing to submit.

I didn't know how it would play out. I surely did not have a personality change after requesting this in pray, as a matter of fact it has been a slow process.


Over time I've seen many changes:

• The need to be heard is diminished as is the need to be right
• The ability to have difficult conversations without raising my voice
• Becoming more contented
• Not easily offended
• A change in vocabulary (hint: "perhaps" is one of the most powerful words in the English Language; also instead of saying "that sucks" for example, I would describe a situation as unfortunate which feels more soothing and less inflammatory)
• There is a time for everything
• Anger and resentment are reduced.
• Attainment of inner beauty is a process - even if you are a gentle soul there are still things in your nature that can be polished.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:4

This verse speaks to working on the inside so that we are beautiful on the outside and a blessing to others. Today we are so focused on the outside, that we sometimes neglect the inside. The meek shall inherit the earth, but they will not be trampled over. I'm a work in progress, what about you?


Do you have a desire for a gentle and quiet spirit in the context of what God desires for you?

Beautiful the Solo Play

He makes all things beautiful in His time - Ecclesiates 3:11

Jozanne Marie in Beautiful

We go through a lot in life and often times we don't know why. If you believe in God ultimately you are able to reconcile the circumstances of your life, with attributes that aren't human. Things like grace, mercy, forgiveness, redemption, restoration and hope.

We saw the play Beautiful on Saturday. It left me speechless (and few things do). It was stunning in its capacity to show what the human spirit can endure. It also displayed the supernatural power of God's forgiveness and healing. We talk about redemption and restoration, but to hear what Jozanne went through and how she now holds no ill will to those who hurt her is amazing. Those that hurt her were very close to her and it was part of her family legacy, but with the forgiveness she chose to bestow, she has broken that legacy. With her life, God has made something absolutely beautiful.

Currently I am wrestling with a number of things as it relates to families and child rearing. I have recognized that I need to support my children even though I don't necessarily agree with their endeavors; this has been hard. I recognize what support does for a child - I supported one child in her endeavors because I believe in her and having that support behind her has made a huge difference. For the another child not having the support they so desperately need has also made a huge difference but not in a positive direction. My prayer right now is that God will take all of this and make it beautiful in his time; that He will change hearts - mine and theirs.

Perhaps you're not going through anything as harrowing as the character in the play, or perhaps you are.
Seek Him - 1 Chronicles 16:11 Isaiah 55:6-7
Trust God -  Proverbs 3:5-6
Forgive, for your own benefit - Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 6:14
Feel his love flow through you - remember the offense no more as God did with us; He hath not dealt with us according to our offenses - Hebrews 8:12; Psalm 103: 8-12
Trust God to restore - it's a promise -  Joel 2:25

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiates 3:11


God makes all things beautiful in His time. Let Him take your mess and make it beautiful. Will you?

Beauty and the Beast?

I recently saw this on twitter - "Two women cannot be friends when one is stunningly beautiful and the other questions her beauty."

I met Jo (not her real name) when we worked at a local college and had to share an office. She was the Program Manager and I was the Technical Assistant. I took this job because I was not happy being a SAHM and needed something else to keep my mind occupied.

Jo was pretty, but she had a stern exterior. I was my usual cheerful self. I never felt intimidated by her looks or capabilities; slowly but surely she began to thaw and we became friends.

One Saturday we were required to be at a workshop. As I parked, I saw this beautiful lady outside crying - it was Jo. I approached her and asked her what's wrong and that's when I began to hear of her relationship woes. I listened, and she eventually made it inside where she was able to complete the day.

Over time I got to know a lot about Jo; we were a good team. She encouraged me to pursue other professional opportunities because she saw something in me that I did not see. Ultimately we were both recruited to work in a local school district. This school district was a high need school district and it took a toll on both of us.

One day I passed by her office and notice that her clear complexion had broken out. I am one of those people that if I care about you, will ask you a question even if it's considered off-limits by others. I asked her about her face. She proceeded to tell me that a male co-worker had attempted to take advantage of her and she did not know what to do. Because a similar situation had happened to me in college, I knew she needed to speak up - and that's what I told her to do. I hugged her and provided the best counsel I could so that she wouldn't jeopardize her job and continue to suffer unnecessary stress. In the end, the offender was removed and she remained in her job.

A funny event that transpired during our friendship - we had to visit one of our schools together. When we arrived we were greeted by a very handsome custodian - who seemed to wear many hats at the school. Through the course of our interactions, it became clear that he was flirting with me and ignoring my co-worker. My co-worker was taken aback and I was highly amused (and flattered). She surely thought he would be attracted to her instead of me. Sigh...it happens. Perhaps we were both beautiful!

We started walking together in the evenings and our children hung out together. We were friends and her stunning beauty did not stand in the way of our friendship. Stunning beauties need real friends.

Maya Angelou wrote this poem called Phenomenal Woman which encapsulates the concept of beauty that comes from within and glows without. It's long but I wanted you to read it.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size 

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips, 

The stride of my step, 

The curl of my lips. 

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please, 

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees. 

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees. 

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes, 

And the flash of my teeth, 

The swing in my waist, 

And the joy in my feet. 

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered 

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them, 

They say they still can't see. 

I say,

It's in the arch of my back, 

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed. 

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud. 

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels, 

The bend of my hair, 

The palm of my hand, 

The need for my care. 

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

—Maya Angelou

This poem defines inner beauty that radiates outward. Beauty on the inside makes you more beautiful to look at. 

This thing we define as beauty is fleeting and ever changing depending on who is looking. I think most people are beautiful even if society's standards don't say you are. I think one's personality enhances one's looks.

Outward beauty fades over time, but your insides - your character can grow over time if nurtured.
Every culture has different standards of beauty - so what may be pretty here is considered unattractive elsewhere.  Your beauty shouldn't depend on who is looking at you. God made all women to be something beautiful

Take time to know you. Don't let anyone define your beauty. Know you're beautiful because God says you are.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”1 Samuel 16:7   

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

Are you beautiful? Do you have any beautiful friends? Do you question your beauty? Does the original statement ring true?