How Wedding Planning Mirrors Daily Life

Going to the chapel and we're  gonna get married.

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we're going to get married
Going to the chapel of love

We are eagerly looking forward to my daughter's wedding. For us, there's a palpable excitement in the air. We've had long phone calls with the bride and the groom - my future son-in-love, to discuss plans for the day and life after that. We realize that the day itself is a celebration of their love and our love as parents.

But it hasn't been all roses and sunshine. This phase of our lives and theirs has been an opportunity for letting go. For us, as parents, it is recognizing that your children are indeed adults and they're going to be all right. We've all become keenly aware that everyone thinks differently and sometimes it's not right vs. wrong, just different, especially when it comes to wedding traditions. For example, on a very trivial scale - cake or cupcakes. If you're Jamaican, that would be Black cake. The trivial oftentimes leads to a greater understanding of whom each person is. While I appreciate our closeness as a family, boundaries are firmly in place which recognizes the bride and groom as a new emerging unit. In this planning phase, they are establishing patterns for their new life as husband and wife.

There are so many details involved in planning any endeavor and in that regard, a wedding is no different. Colors, cost, location, venue, bridal party, and the biggest detail - how many guests. Sometimes these details threaten to take over the big picture - the start of something new on your wedding day. With a loving fiance at her side, and her family as a sounding board, my daughter has been able to navigate the details. In our day to day lives also, details threaten to override the big picture and we have to take deep breaths, step back, pause, pray and remind ourselves of what's important.

As she plans and we're involved the following lessons are being learned:

Enjoy the journey. For all the details, this is a part of life and enjoyable part at that. Attitude is everything and it's only as stressful as we make it.

Planning forces you to prioritize. Money isn't the only consideration, peace of mind is important also so it's essential to also take care of yourself. Like Esther, this time of planning can be used to nurture your mind body and soul. (Esther 2:12-15)

Life goes on so there will be unexpected bumps along the way which can take many forms - health scares, unexpected costs, difficult people; all have reared their heads.

The planning phase is an opportunity to fall in love with your future spouse over and over again. When he sees how gifted you are at negotiations, this makes his heart swoon. When she sees you quietly taking charge of things she doesn't want to be bothered with, she is reassured again that she made the right choice.

This is an emotional time - sometimes you just need to cry especially if you become overwhelmed with some of the details. Or as you look ahead, you may cry because of the happiness and peace you feel.

Nothing works without having a good support system in place. The happy couple has a built-in support system in each other. In addition, they both can rely on their families and new family members. (Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 15:22)

The culmination of all of this planning is your marriage but the day still requires some thought and preparation whether it's a big or small wedding, casual or formal, big budget or low budget.

We've had many phone calls - where I simply reminded my daughter to not lose sight of what's ahead which is a declaration of your love and commitment to each other. It's a happy time and a celebration; trust me when I tell you no one will care what favors you gave them or if you even gave favors. They will remember the atmosphere of love in the room that the bride and groom exudes. When planning a wedding, as in life, it’s so important to enjoy the journey. So whatever your timeline is, give yourself permission to enjoy each step until the big day. Take deep breaths, step back, pause, and pray as often as you need to until that day when you can finally say "Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married!"

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” Geoge S. Patton

What have you learned from planning?

--Nylse

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How to Survive the Unexpected

When I'm in the midst of unforeseen events, I always have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason; everything happens when it's supposed to. I don't often remember this during good times but somehow this thought rises to the top of my mind during trying times. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism. When life is good, we take things for granted; it's almost as if we forget how to utilize our faith and trust muscles. We have a different experience during misfortune as there is an opportunity for solemnity and stillness.

Three weeks ago, in an effort to help her sister heal from a muscle injury, my older daughter placed a heating pad combined with Vicks on the Little One's calf. The exact placement was her outer left calf. After this treatment, there was a huge welt and then blisters which combined to form one large blister. It was at this point that I realized that she was burned, so I went to the pharmacy and bought the necessary first aid for a burn - burn gel and bandages. Of course, I checked with Google first which indicated that in approximately two weeks I should begin to see healing.

After two weeks, or thereabouts, I noticed that the site of the burn was not getting better, as a matter of fact, it looked gross, so I decided to visit the pediatrician because I had a concern about infection.

I went to the doctor on Friday. When he examined her leg he said, "That's a big eschar" which sounds like big ___ scar! As I sat there, I wondered why the Doctor would be unprofessional and make such a statement. I thought I waited too long to bring her to the doctor. For reassurance, I asked him to repeat what he said and he said, "eschar....ESCHAR - which means a dry, dark scab or falling away of dead skin, typically caused by a burn, or by the bite of a mite, or as a result of anthrax infection. [Source: Google.com] When I indicated what I thought he said, we all had a good laugh.

She was referred to the Outpatient Clinic of the Burn Center which is across the street from the doctor's office. I went in on Tuesday with the expectation that she would be treated on an outpatient basis. Instead, I was told she had a third-degree burn which would require debridement - the removal of damaged tissue or foreign objects from a wound, and skin graft surgery. She would have to be hospitalized and the surgery would commence on Wednesday and then the skin graft surgery would take place on Friday. What we thought would be an outpatient procedure became a five-day hospitalization.

After we got over the initial shock, this is exactly what happened.

What has this experience taught me?

God's placement - The Burn Center is a world renowned facility located in my neighborhood. Automatically she would be receiving the best care for this type of burn regardless of its size. By default, she is now part of a burn survivor community and will reap the benefits for many years of receiving treatment here.

God's provision - We have lived in California for 10 years and have struggled with connecting with others. We had the mistaken notion that it would be the same as when we were in New York. But this incident showed me that community is being part of the family of God. The Little One and us have been overwhelmed by the genuine care and concern demonstrated by the body of Christ. I never expect this care, even though we are called to look after each other and to bear one another's burdens. I will now be more intentional about caring for others in their time of need.

God's providence - So many things could have been worse in this scenario, but they weren't and I attribute that to the mighty hand of God that orchestrates all things. The Little One is in good spirits despite the surgeries, the older sister does not have unnecessary angst over this situation, we are now more educated than we ever thought we would be on burns and can now help others in this situation, and this is yet another situation where I have increased my faith by trusting God more.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. Psalm 139:16

You CAN rely on God's placement, provision, and providence for all areas of your life even when circumstances are unforeseen.



--Nylse

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Women of The Word - Michelle Harris Collins

Women of the Word is growing faster than I anticipated. Praise God. I met Michelle Harris Collins when I moved to California. Initially, it was through Track and Field but as I spent more time with her I discovered her heart for the Lord. Last year she spoke at a women's conference I attended where she fired up the entire room! I'm excited to share her insight with you. Be blessed as I was by her.

Michelle Harris Collins

1. As someone who studies the Bible, what are your favorite tools and resources?
MHC: Whenever I need to prepare a specific message, or for leisure reading, I use various commentaries to gain different perspectives. I don't have a favorite. Although my personal version is the New King James version, I also like to read different versions of the Bible, in order to gather a more wider meaning of a familiar or unfamiliar verse. Additionally, Google is my friend and right at my fingertips if I want to study deeper in Greek or Hebrew for context comprehension.

2. Old Testament, New Testament or both?
MHC: Both. I love the patriarchs in the Old Testament. The New Testament shows us what the church in action should be.

3. Why do you study the Bible? What was your initial motivation?
MHC: Having been raised in the church, the church life can become what you're told as opposed to what you learned. As I matured in my walk with Christ, I developed and answered my own yearning for the things of God, including His word.
The Bible serves as a blueprint for most of the issues we face in life. I am intrigued by the characters, character flaws, the faith and even the dysfunction. I believe what is most captivating is the way in which God, as Father rescues, delivers and fights for and on the behalf of His people.

4. How does inspiration work for you? How do you know that what you're writing or understanding is as if God is moving the pen and you're just the vehicle?
MHC: Inspiration is a sudden quickening in my spirit that calls me to immediate action. It is the divine unction to move in a certain direction, to share a nugget that is downloaded in my spirit in word or deed and even a tug to pray.
I know that it is of God when the manifestation is more than I could have ever imagined.

5. How do you handle complex topics that may not align with popular views? (Can you give an example?)
MHC: By personality, I have a need to understand and until I reach a state of understanding where compassion is displayed, I know that I must continue to deal wisely with complex issues. The Bible says that we must bring down "every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ." And for me, this includes all judgmental thinking, pride, and prejudice, which are contrary to what Christ stood for.

6. When confronted by the truth of scripture, even for difficult topics, how does it re-orient you?
MHC: I'm grateful for the Holy Spirit that resides in me, to poke, nudge and rebuke when I'm confronted with the truth of the scripture. Allowing the Holy Spirit to do His perfect work is living in submission to the Spirit of God and a call to be more Christlike.It's a matter of life and death. I have no desire to be a walking dead and I don't want my brothers and sisters to do the same.

7. Tell us a little bit about yourself, current projects you are working on and where you can be found.
MHC: I am a Speaker, Author and Founder/Program Director of The Persona Program www.thepersonaprogram.org, a youth organization for girls 7-18, where through our sessions and events, we develop confidence, build character and promote proper conduct. I designed a WORKbook for moms raising daughters "30 Ways in 30 Days to Be That Mom."  It's a journal style guide that allows the for the nourishment of the soul for both mother and daughter. I am a wife of 17 years and mother to our two daughters and son 16, 12 and 8 years old. I am enthusiastic about seeing others embrace their divine magnificence and allowing their creative aspirations to flow for the advancement of the Kingdom.
You can follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/personaprogram/ and https://www.instagram.com/michelleharriscollins/
More information for the Persona Program can be found at www.thepersonaprogram.org

8. How do you deal with discouragement and doubt? (Bonus question)
MHC: I constantly feed my spirit with positivity. It serves as my bank. Therefore, whenever I'm low in spirit, in turn, my own spirit dispenses whatever I previously deposited. Works every time! So I encourage everyone to read, listen to podcasts, find a mentor, pray and you too will be filled.
--Nylse

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Book Review - Americanah & Crossing the Lines

Sometimes no matter how much we plan, things don't go as expected. In the midst of planning a wedding which by the way is going well, we've had some unexpected turn of events all related to our health. My husband has a nagging knee injury that required an MRI and my Little One suffered a third-degree burn. And life goes on.
So while working and waiting, I read. I'm reading my Bible and completing a Bible Study but I also read whatever interests me.

One of my newest favorite authors is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Her most recent novel is Americanah which lived up to all of its positive reviews. Americanah captured all of my senses. I read it with awe not just at the storyline but at the way, the sentences were constructed and thoughts were developed. This is a confident writer who has no problem sharing her world, or her heritage with the reader. It's shared as common knowledge though it is new to many who are reading.
The story of our two protagonists - Ifemelu and Obinze starts off in Nigeria and winds its way through London, various cities on the East Coast of America and then back to Nigeria.
In mainstream culture - one would say they were high school sweethearts whose paths diverged and then they finally come back together. But in the Nigerian and African American cultures, this is so much more colorful. There are cultural norms associated with immigrating and then returning home - hence the name Americanah - a Nigerian slang term for someone returning from America pronounced with a heavy emphasis on the last syllable.
There's the plight of being undocumented while trying to maintain your dignity and make a living. There's getting to know others who are not like you and falling in love. There is losing yourself in love, yet trying to find out who you really are. There's a discovery of your race and what it means in other countries outside of your own; discovering you weren't black until you came to America. Then there's coming home and how it makes you feel whole again.
Through the eyes of Ifemelu and Obinze, we experience all of these things while we receive a sociology lesson on various cultures. This is pleasurable reading.

Then recently I read Crossing the Lines: A Novel by Richard Doster. This book caught me by surprise in a good way. I don't know why I downloaded it to my Kindle but I'm glad I did. Have you ever thought about the Civil Rights movement through the eyes of a white sports reporter who really loves the South but hates its portrayal to the entire world, while figuring out where he fits and how he feels based on his Christian faith? Those are the intersections that are explored in this book in a believable and entertaining fashion.

As a sports reporter, Josh Hall takes a stand on the integration of baseball and his family suffers for it. As they attempt to rebuild, he is presented with new professional opportunities that have him interviewing leaders of the Civil Rights Movement - Martin Luther King, in Montgomery Alabama and Arkansas. The book humanizes the bus boycott and the integration of Central High. While all of this is happening, we are also introduced to the genius behind the musicians B.B. King and Elvis Presley. We see how race impacted the music of the times and how we came to have the Blues and Rock and Roll.
The book is set in Atlanta, in a suburb, where Hall's local church also struggles with how to deal with integration. The struggle is for the "Beloved Community" that MLK envisioned and the one vs the exclusionary status quo.
This book is a lesson on race in America, with some of the ugliness removed.





--Nylse

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