Wifey Material.......Not

I have been a wife for 33 years, and I have never uttered the term "wifey material" to another woman as something they should be. I probably never will, yet so many women utter this phrase that I feel sorry for them. 

As a society, we've put marriage on a pedestal, idolized it, and made it the end goal. When we do this, we work backward, trying to figure out how to attain this goal, and end up with terms like "wifey material." Marriage is a worthy goal, but it's not the be-all and end-all. You can still have a fulfilling life whether or not you're married.

First of all, who coined this phrase? And why aren't men walking around being told to be husband material? (not that 2 wrongs make a right)

What I've Learned from Marriage and Motherhood

“Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew? Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two?  The Candy Man…. The Candy Man can. The candy man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.” I first heard the Sammy Davis version of this song on the radio and sang it to myself often. I never realized that I would have my own version of a popular candy: M&M’s®.

A Popular Candy

M&M’s themselves began as a reproduction of a foreign candy, named after two candy makers whose fathers were both candy magnates – Forrest Mars and Bruce Murrie. While abroad, Forrest Mars Sr. noticed British soldiers eating small, pill-sized candies called Smarties, made of a chocolate center and a hard candy shell. He was shocked to see that the candies held up in the summer heat and were small and easy to transport. Armed with his new knowledge, he moved back to the states to claim his spot in his father’s company. He secured a patent for the

Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage

This year will mark 31 years of marriage for my husband and I. Where does the time go? When we said our vows at the altar on that overcast morning all those years ago, we were young, happy and idealistic. We meant every word we said, but we had no clue how those words would play out over the years. We went through premarital counseling and had the necessary conversations. We even spoke to our pastors periodically for additional insight. As we continued to evolve yet stick to each other through thick and thin, it became apparent how the rose-colored glasses of unrealistic expressions could drain a marriage.

Real Life Marriage - Funny Married Stuff

When I first saw an episode of Funny Married Stuff, the couple were in the bathroom - he on the toilet and she at the sink, talking. I laughed because it reminded me of the many times my husband and I have done the same thing. It was refreshing to see; I've been a fan ever since. Interestingly, because I live in Los Angeles, I meet a lot of creatives. I met Lony'e, the creator of this series at church when I had no idea who she was. So it's been a pleasure to see the growth of this web series.

Actress Lony’e Perrine,  created the show with her husband Peyton to promote positive relationships. Despite the facts, media representation of marriages is widely negative, with even the most successful black comedy shows such as Blackish showing the stars exploring divorce. Tired of seeing negative images of marriages in the media, the creators of this series are trying to change the narrative. Actress Lony'e Perrine and her husband of 15 years, Peyton Perrine, created the web series Funny Married Stuff as a way to promote positive, fun, and real images of marriage by combining improv humor with a touch of marital lessons.

Stick By Me, I'll Stick By You

I bought this figurine maybe seven years in, because of what it represents - longevity, closeness, contentment while still dancing and liking each other as each has changed. All of this ran through my mind when I initially saw it. Then there's this reggae song that we have danced and mouthed the words to. It makes us smile as we groove to the music.

I love you darling, and that's no lie, oh-oh

Stick by me, I'll stick by you

When you cry, I cry, too, oh-oh

Stick by me, and I'll stick by you

Remember my heart and my love belong to you, oh-oh

Stick by me, I'll stick by you

Recently, I've been singing this song because 30 years later I realized that we've stuck to each other. Yes, we have.

Doing Life Together

"It is not good for man to be alone." With this bold statement, God put Adam to sleep and performed a surgery on him that created Eve - a woman. When God created Adam, He was pleased with all of his creation, up to that point, yet He recognized that someone vital was missing. He used Adam's rib to create and form Eve. How do we get a woman - a fully developed woman made for a man out of a bone? Only God could do that.

Like all of His creation, in His divine wisdom, God knew what He was doing when He made Eve for Adam. He knew the communion, and the intricacies of marriage were what Adam needed. It's fashionable to bash marriage today, but I am not from that school of thought. When Adam first saw Eve, he was awestruck! Wooo man! The Bible

Women of the Word - Ngina Otiende

I became familiar with Ngina (pronounced Ngay-na) through a popular marriage blogger. Ngina is a marriage blogger and author with a niche geared to newlyweds for whom the ideal of marriage does not live up to their reality. She provides practical, actionable resources to help the newlywed wife draw closer to God and her husband, one intentional choice at a time. Because she is from the continent of Africa, I also appreciated how her cultural background was interspersed in her writing since many things are written from a vanilla perspective. Meet this month's Woman of the Word - Ngina Otiende.

Ngina Otiende

I Never Prayed for a Husband

Anecdotally, I will share that I never prayed specifically for a husband. As a 21-year-old, the desire of my heart was to serve God and make wise choices with my life. I had a fleeting desire to have a boyfriend because so many around me did, but this desire didn't take over my life. I had friends who were male and that was good. I tried having a boyfriend once: I didn't like it, and my family didn't like him so that was a no go. Talking to guys who didn't have the same beliefs as me especially when it came to purity was problematic, so I avoided those guys. Outside of the physical, it was nice to have friends and I had lots of male friends, though they weren't all Christians but friendship removed any pressure of

Making Your Marriage Last Through Hard Times

I have a friend that I chat with regularly who has been married for 43 years. That’s a lifetime! I always enjoy our times together because whenever the conversation turns to anything marriage-related she smiles because she’s been through it all, and then she always reassures me. The things that come up are not earth-shattering, just things that are par for the course but that can become burdensome if our perspective is skewed. Things like dealing with adult children, or the empty nest phase, or just day-to-day stuff.

Blessings or Not?

Children are a gift from God; a reward from Him. In the KJV it says ".....and the fruit of the womb is his reward." When we think of children we forget the gift part; we forget the feeling of receiving a gift - that feeling of unexpected glee and joy while simultaneously feeling undeserving of such a gift. It's equivalent to the feeling that you have on your birthday and you are presented with gifts because of the special person that you are.

More often than not we don't initially ascribe positive words or thoughts to children. 

Is Marriage Really Such Hard Work?

When marriage and work are in the same sentence, marriage usually gets a bum rap and is given a negative connotation. As a sanity check, I asked my husband who has been married to me for 28 years - "Would you say marriage is hard work?" He said, "Hard????" with a puzzled look on his face.  Perhaps our thoughts around work need to be adjusted so we can stop making marriage seem so burdensome.

Dear Newlywed.........

Dear Newlywed;

At a recent wedding I asked another newlywed, "How's married life?" and she said it was the same as before she got married.
Nothing really changed. I hope that you, dear newlywed, are experiencing the newness of marriage. I hearken back to Biblical times where when a man took a wife he embarked on making his wife happy for an entire year. (Deuteronomy 24:5) This baseline expectation of happiness and newness is a great place to start from. Expect the best. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best intentions from each other. Be kind. Pray together. Communicate honestly. Value each other. Support each other. Expect the best but don't become a prisoner to your expectations as you will surely be disappointed. The greater the expectation the greater the disappointment so let go of unrealistic expectations yet remain open to the possibilities. It's not contradictory but the ebb and flow of life.

As a newlywed it probably won't take much to make you happy - you have each other what more could you ask for? You have your freedom and the ability as a couple to enjoy each other in every sense of the word. There is a joy and an awe in the realization that you're charting a new course together - enjoy it. It won't all be smooth sailing, but the more you communicate, the more you make the effort to hear each other, the greater the chance of minimizing the bumps. But there will be bumps - life has a way of doing that. Bumps may show up in the obvious places(jobs, cars, money, health) or in situations that you least expect, for example, a difference of opinion on the most inane thing. Either way, after being dejected and despondent, be honest, hold hands and navigate it together.

Don't lose yourself in your marriage. Expand and explore your interests - it makes for a more interesting life.

Take care of your body. Learn your body, learn your cycles become very familiar with who you are so that when you have to make decisions they are knowledge based instead of fear based.

Your in laws are in your life forever - it's much easier to get along with your new family than to have animosity. Treat them as you would your own family since that is what they now are. If you don't like your family, this is an opportunity to create a new extended family. Embrace it.

Be intentional about your marriage but don't be a nuisance. Your marriage is not the destination; there's so much more living ahead of you. You now have the benefit of not trying to figure everything out alone.

Ultimately, I want you to know that you're going to be all right. You're in this thing called life together and you will figure it out. You will figure out schedules, love languages, decorating schemes, how to argue (or not), which church to attend, careers, health insurance, bank accounts, where to live, what to do for fun, children (if and when they come), you will figure it all out because you have each other, you believe in each other and you have a firm foundation of faith in God.

All the best; I'm rooting for you.

Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Matthew 19:4-6

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 

1 Peter 4:8

--Nylse

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Time for a New Start

All of a sudden, August 14th seems to be the date when most schools resume all over these United States (did you catch the irony in the name of this country? I digress). The Little One started high school on Monday and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. She is my late in life child, the child of my old age, our surprise blessing. Prior to discovering I was pregnant with her, I was seeing my way across the finish line and looking forward to a respite from childrearing. This time, I'm much closer, and there will be no surprises.

She started High School with all of its promises of new beginnings, experiences, and excitement. As an older parent, I'm there for her but I'm also nudging her to embrace the good that High School has to offer. As I've prayed for all of my children, I'm more cognizant of how to intercede for her in light of what's happening around us.

I pray for peace; I pray that she has a peaceful disposition and that she is a peacemaker.
I pray that she has no anxiety and that when she becomes uneasy, she is reassured that she need not be anxious about anything.
I pray for favor with her teachers, guidance counselors, administration and any position of authority that she interacts with.
I pray that she is surrounded by good friends and that she is a bright light to all; that her light will shine.
I pray for protection from people and things that mean her harm.
I pray for bravery to combat injustice and to speak up as needed.
I pray for wisdom and discernment.
I pray for determination and strength as there will be things that she will just have to persevere through - whether it's dealing with a tough project, making a team or short-sightedness on her part.
I pray for memory to recall God's word that is hidden in her heart; to recall what she has studied.
I pray that she will be a friend to the friendless.I pray that she exudes joy.

I have prayed a variation of these prayers for my children daily as they navigated the halls of learning and will continue to do so. I found these scripture bracelets on Groupon and got her one with her favorite verse on it so she could have a visual reminder of God's promises.

We're all in need of fresh starts. This country is in need of a fresh start, just as the thousands of students who start school annually. In the midst of transition let's not forget the importance of prayer. At the beginning of this school year, let's take a moment to pray for our children, their teachers, their schools, their communities, their homes, their countries. Perhaps the Little Ones, empowered by love from praying parents, can truly initiate the fresh start we all need.

Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Always be joyful. 

Never stop praying. 

1 Thessalonians 5:14-17

It's time for a new start; start with prayer.

--Nylse

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What Love Feels Like

My husband and daughter

As the father walked his daughter down the aisle, her nervousness was assuaged by his confident reassurance. She had eyes only for her groom while steadily leaning on her Dad. This is love.

The groom looked on with wonder, as a tear fell from his eye; he had eyes for no one else. This is love.

"Who gives this woman to be wed? My wife and I do."  Yet another act of love, parents releasing what was held dear to her groom who will hold her dearly.

Love is more than butterflies in the stomach. It's valuing a person and treating them as you would yourself or better. It's being selfless which typically breeds more selfless love. It's forgiving often. It's not holding on to stuff. It's seeing the good in others - and always expecting the best even when they show otherwise. The element of love makes being patient and kind doable.  When you are loved, you cannot help but love in return. Love removes the rough edges and smooths out your flaws.

Love is knowledge. Love is sure. Love provides comfort like a roof over your head.
"Love knows no reasons, love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons, love has no eyes. But love is not blind, love sees but doesn't mind." — Hemant Kumar

So just love.

"My mother's last word to me clanks inside me like an iron bell that someone beats at dinner time: love, love, love, love, love." — Cheryl Strayed

Love provides a feeling of invincibility and hope.

"I strongly believe that love is the answer and that it can mend even the deepest unseen wounds. Love can heal, love can console, love can strengthen and yes, love can make change." — Somaly Mam

Love is what drives everything.
"There are four questions of value in life: what is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love." — Johnny Depp

This is why a wedding ceremony is a celebration of love; it encapsulates love in the past leading to an expression of love in the present which is the underlying support for love in the future. This is what love feels like. Simply love.

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 

1 Corinthians 13:13

--Nylse

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Magical, Mysterious, Miraculous Prayer

Have you ever felt that your life mirrored the spin cycle of a washing machine? Everything has been thrown in and now it's all spinning at the same time? It seems out of control, this spinning, but it's not, because the spinning is for a purpose and the spinning ends, but you don't often know when your spin cycle will end.

Wedding     Surgery     Paperwork     Travel

     Moving     Packing     Merging of families

              Post Surgery Recovery

       Spin Cycle

The best thing to combat the Spin Cycle is to be prayed for and to pray. One of the first instances of actual interceding for someone on their behalf, where the word pray is actually used happens in the Old Testament in 1 Samuel 7:5 where Samuel prays for the Israelites. The Israelites recognized that they were in their own spin cycle - they thought the Lord had abandoned them, which is quite literally how we feel when it seems like everything is thrown at us and we're out of control. Samuel gave them some instructions: "get rid of your foreign gods and your images of Ashtoreth. Turn your hearts to the Lord and obey him alone; then he will rescue you from the Philistines." During the spin cycles of life, we become distracted and our focus shifts from the One who matters. So the Israelites did so and worshipped only the Lord. Then Samuel told them, “Gather all of Israel to Mizpah, and I will pray to the Lord for you.”

The Israelites recognized their need, they changed their ways and Samuel prayed. Once Samuel prayed, the Israelites went on to victory. Prior to Samuel praying they had misplaced confidence but after he prayed, though uncertain, their faith was strengthened and they had success.

Pray is magical, mysterious and miraculous; it is healing, encouraging and an act of love to hear someone petition God on your behalf. It will remove anxiety; it will remind you to be still and propel you to pray. To intercede in prayer means to go before God on another’s behalf.

Lamentations 2:19 encourages us to, "Lift up your hands to Him for the lives of your children." So as the wedding approaches and there's standard pre-wedding jitters and stress in addition to dealing with a major health crisis, I took my daughter aside and prayed aloud for her. If I were focused on her demeanor during prayer, I'm certain I would have noticed relief, surprise, comfort, relaxation which encapsulates what happens when we are bold enough to pray for someone audibly in their time of need.

Sometimes it does not matter what you say - just the very fact that you are praying makes all the difference in the world. You experience a selfless love when you pray. Praying demonstrates a relationship - definitely between you and God, and between you and the person you are praying for. Praying demonstrates hope and faith. Praying says I know Someone who can help. Praying provides wisdom, guidance, and peace.

Prayer is as vital as breathing; I encourage you to do it. Pray from the heart when you're happy or sad; mad or glad. Don't worry what others think, it's your heart and it matters to God. There is absolutely nothing that you cannot bring in prayer to God. Just Pray.

Spin cycles come to an end and usually after all of that turbulence your clothes are clean. In the same vein, I know, just like any bride knows that the spin cycle of wedding planning will come to an end and with God's covering it will be the start of a new thing that God is doing in both of their lives, propelling them on to victory.

For we are not presenting our petitions before You based on our righteous acts, but based on Your abundant compassion. Daniel 9:18,19

We don’t know what to do, so we’re looking to you. 2 Chronicles 20:12

Men ought always to pray and not to faint.  Luke 18:1

If you can center yourself, be still, pray and be prayed for, you'll be able to go through your spin cycle and come out standing. Simply pray.


--Nylse

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This Is Your Opportunity to Create a Legacy

Sometimes I can't believe the family I have. I can't say that when I was growing up we were a close knit family as is portrayed on screen. We were close because we had no choice. No one was going anywhere and if we did it was done as a unit. As we got older, and life intervened we all went our separate ways. And these days, though I love getting together with my siblings we just don't have a close family dynamic. There are some elephants in the room whenever we're together and we just can't seem to get past them. We keep feeding the elephant when it should be kicked out; elephants don't belong with humans or in rooms.

This is a legacy.

With my husband, I have been able to create a family that makes me genuinely happy. We hang out with each other and we talk, really talk with each other. If there's no one else around I'm quite content to hang out with these people and in my wildest dreams, I never thought this was possible. As the wedding approaches, we find ourselves randomly practicing dance moves for the big day. We find ourselves vetoing another's silliness all in good fun or having our typical family banter via group chat.

My husband has always been more focused on us doing things as a family. That's the phrase he uses, "we're going to do this as a family." I wasn't always keen on this idea, but I went along and now today we just automatically do things as a family, if we can.

This too is a legacy.

He was intentional about creating good experiences, but so was I in a different way. I was big on Family Devotions, Sunday Dinners, Christmas and over time Thanksgiving and any other family holidays. Through a best friend, we started having birthday get togethers where we had a cake and sang Happy Birthday. It might have been just us or it might have included anyone who was over at the time. When we had children, I thought about what would my children think about their family. As much I could control it, I did my part in creating favorable memories. We still talk about the time I burnt my son's birthday cake, or the time my husband took a daughter on a shopping spree for her birthday, or the time another daughter thought she outsmarted me by buying a pair of sneakers.

This is a legacy.

Legacy happens whether you're intentional or not. You and your spouse are leaving an imprint on the next generation. As much as it depends on you, be willing to work with each other, compromise, talk and share to create beautiful moments for the next generation. Part of my legacy is knowing that we were so grounded in God's Word we lived it out and passed it on to our children while going after life with gusto. Whatever your legacy is, I hope it is grounded in love: love of God and love of family.

In Caesarea, there lived a Roman army officer named Cornelius, who was a captain of the Italian Regiment. He was a devout, God-fearing man, as was everyone in his household. He gave generously to the poor and prayed regularly to God. Acts 10:1,2

What's your legacy?



--Nylse

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My Best Marriage Advice

When I got married 28 years ago we went to counseling and as I sit here today I can't remember anything I learned in those sessions. I did a sanity check and asked a friend who also has been married for a long time and she also had the same response. Though premarital counseling was valuable there's nothing that beats experience. So here's what I've learned along the way:

Keep the doors of communication open. By any means necessary, communicate. Sometimes it will be loud, sometimes soft, sometimes nothing will need to be said. Sometimes you may use therapy speak, you know..."I feel this way when you say XYZ ....." but most times you'll be who you are. Sometimes you'll text and sometimes you'll leave notes around the house. The point is to communicate, communicate, communicate even in the mess.

Communication leads to other things - intimacy, knowledge, growth. Sex is a form of communication that is fun and messy and complicated! Enjoy it but just know like everything else, over time it will change. Drives change, bodies change, frequencies change - it's all good.

Hug and laugh often though there will be times when you don't feel like hugging and there's nothing to laugh about. Ride it through.

Grow duck feathers and let each other's offenses roll off your back. If you don't deal with an offense but try to smother it, it will lead to resentment. Resentment can start from the stupidest stuff and it just grows until you wonder why you're so angry with each other. Resentment is the third party that you don't want in your marriage, so learn to forgive without holding a grudge and forgive often. Have a short memory when it comes to offenses.

Learn each other as the person you marry today will change. We all change. Learn and grow together and do nice things for the old person and the new ever evolving person. Do nice things.

All men don't cheat or have a desire to; all women aren't domestic or automatically know how to change a diaper. Don't bring generalizations around marriage and gender roles into your marriage, instead, continue to figure each other out in the context of your marriage and work with what you have.

Most importantly, have the same spiritual foundation. Take divorce out of the equation. You're stuck with each other like peanut butter and jelly so figure it out because peanut butter is so much better with jelly!

Marriage is a wonderful thing. I don't say that lightly or because it's the thing to say. I am the person I am today because of my marriage. Marriage has allowed me to develop and grow in ways  I did not know I was capable of.  The preparation isn't what made it work but rather the commitment to each other and to the marriage. This commitment cemented in love has allowed my marriage to blossom for marriage is love in action.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

What was your premarital counseling experience like? Do you remember any of it? What's the best advice you received prior to getting married? What's the worse?

--Nylse

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A Good Partnership

Bryan Brothers

It's your team's turn to serve. Your partner and you go to the baseline, you quickly converse about a strategy, you both assume your positions, you execute. Whether you win or lose the point, you regroup, show some physical contact and do it all over again.

Doubles tennis, though not as popular as singles, is twice as much fun to watch with more energy and more surface area for play. It would seem that two are better than one, but doubles require more coordination, communication, and grace.

As a single, your strategy is your own - it's in your head and no one knows what will happen until you serve. But in doubles, both parties have to be on the same page. Often times you will see teams using surreptitious ways to communicate with each other so that the other side is unaware. They may use the tennis balls to cover their mouths or whisper in each other's ears. The point is, as a team, only they know what they're doing; no one else does. A doubles partnership is beginning to look like a good marriage - no one else needs to know every detail of your marriage; only you and your spouse are privy to that information.

Next, each partner assumes their position. The server stays at the baseline and the other player goes close to the net and crouches while her partner is serving. Once the ball is over the net, she gets up and is prepared to hit any ball that comes her way. The server moves in and covers the back of the court and is also prepared. They may have discussed what shots they were going to use and now they are executing. Some volleys are so long and exciting, the positions may change. Again, as in marriage, each person knows their position and plays, though sometimes each person's position may change based on the circumstance, it's for the betterment of the team.

After a point is played, whether a doubles team won or lost the point, at the end of each point they always hi-fived or touched hands and then re-grouped. Physical contact is important as it says, we're in this together. It's almost as if it didn't matter the outcome of the point, but that you played your part and made the effort. You made the effort. High five, shake it off, strategize, and continue to play the game. Continue to make the effort.

Our marriages require more coordination, communication, and grace. We start together and we're on the same page. We strategize, execute, high five and repeat. We forgive and give grace. We keep putting the effort in and serving up love like a good doubles game until this life is over.

Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? Amos 3:3

How is your doubles partnership?

--Nylse

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Find Good Friends

"Find good friends." This is what my dear friend said to me as she shared her recent experiences. "Find friends that have your best interest at heart, that will do you no harm, that you can trust. You don't need many, but if you have one good friend, you are blessed." She was practically choked up as she said those words and as we spoke with each other I knew exactly what she meant. Having completed a major move, she had to rely on her friends more than she anticipated but they came through for her.

Real friends, true friends, good friends will do that for you. Perhaps she thought her needs and requests were burdensome, but the friends in her life didn't see it as such. They stepped up to help carry the load,

Good friendships stand the test of time; there are shared memories that are hard to walk away from because of a perceived slight or a real hurt. Because sometimes friends do hurt each other, but not intentionally. If it's intentional, question that friendship. Sometimes in our well-meaningness, we may say or do things that aren't received in the manner we anticipated. My friend explained that she has said things to her friend and the friend would say, "you know you need to apologize to me for what you said." She'd apologize as she never meant to hurt her friend, but she still needed to speak her truth and have her friend receive it. Sometimes truth convicts and hurts - so the apology maybe for the expression but not for the truth. Good friends are able to be truthful with one another but due to closeness, the painfulness of the truth may hurt more. Iron sharpens iron; this is not an entirely pleasant process but a profitable one for both.

Good friends give each other space but they also know when to step in.

Good friendships don't feel draining but rather are refreshing with no fear of judgment.

Good friends nurture each other spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Good friends regularly check on each other.

Good friends really get to know each other through shared life experiences.

Good friends don't try to connect with each other, they just do.

Good friends are people of integrity.

Good friends have unbreakable bonds.

We see vivid examples of friendship in the Bible - David and Jonathan  (1 Samuel 18:1-3) whose souls were knit to each other. There are aspects of friendship in the relationship between Moses and Aaron - brothers who were there for each other (Exodus 17:11-12).  An unlikely friendship occurred between Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17), a daughter and mother-in-law. Friendships surprise us and come in all shapes and forms; we never know where a friendship will take us.

I recall Drew and Rob from college. Drew and Rob were good friends in college and have remained so with their bond getting tighter over time. Drew suffered a major health crisis in recent years and Rob was there for him as he spent a significant amount of time with his friend as he recovered. I can hear the love in Drew's voice as he talked about Rob. I think as a culture we are surprised by deep friendships between men, but it happens. It's a given that women will have friends, but gender alone doesn't determine the quality of our friendships.

A friend is one of the masterpieces created by God.  A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature - Ralph Waldo Emerson. We all have the opportunity of being masterpieces by being good friends.

Can two walk together, except they are agreed? Amos 3:3

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. 

Proverbs 27:17

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. 

Proverbs 18:24

Be a good friend and find good friends. Are you a good friend?

--Nylse

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Thoughts While In a Lingerie Shop

The wedding is approaching and as such, there are different events that go along with a wedding. In my day, I had a bridal shower where I was showered with everything from housewares to lingerie. So I visited a lingerie store and I have questions.

Why are male appendages everywhere?

Why are cake toppers, toys, and assorted gadgets in the shape of the male appendage?

Why are there so many toys made for every crevice in the body?

Why is everything so "in your face?"

In this particular shop, there was a whole section devoted to pornography which left nothing to the imagination. Why?

We were visiting for lingerie but found that and more. Curiosity got the best of me as I wandered around until I just felt soiled and dirty. I knew this wasn't God's design so I mentally checked out until the other parties were done. As I was mentally checked out I was struck by this thought: As Christians, we are called to be different; no part of our lives is exempt from this calling, including our sexuality." Nowadays, sex is over the top and in your face and I can't help but feel that this is not the way its supposed to be. The world has made the sacred into the profane; something special into something sordid. God created man and woman, and when He was done he declared creation very good. Genesis 1:27, 31

But as Christians, we can redefine the standard. What this specifically means is that we don't have to do things the way the world does and we can still have fun which is defined as enjoyment, amusement or lighthearted pleasure; we can still enjoy ourselves. Too many Christians act as if they don't know how to enjoy themselves. The world doesn't get to define what is fun or what is acceptable. If things aren't in line with who we are as believers, we don't have to participate. This may take some courage but it's worth it because there's no internal conflict on our part and there's no obligation; it's freeing. So as a Christian, your bachelor party shouldn't have strippers and debauchery and your bachelorette party doesn't have to display male appendages at every turn. By participating in these activities there's an unspoken assumption that you're missing out. Are you? You're not. One last thought - how are you any different than your non-Christian friends? You may be inadvertently creating a path of confusion for them by your choices.

Perhaps, this was the wrong store for purchasing lingerie, as the lingerie appeared to be an afterthought. This is not my area of weakness, but if it's yours I would recommend finding a different type of lingerie store or purchasing online (google "Christian lingerie," but be careful!) because there's nothing wrong with frilly undergarments that make a girl feel pretty for her intended beloved, or just to feel pretty for herself.

As our minds are transformed, our consciences can be our guide. A transformed mind does not use the standard of the world but the standard of God to determine how to live.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

How do you approach purchasing lingerie? What would you say to a bride to be in this area?

--Nylse

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