Monday, June 26, 2017

Find Good Friends

"Find good friends." This is what my dear friend said to me as she shared her recent experiences. "Find friends that have your best interest at heart, that will do you no harm, that you can trust. You don't need many, but if you have one good friend, you are blessed." She was practically choked up as she said those words and as we spoke with each other I knew exactly what she meant. Having completed a major move, she had to rely on her friends more than she anticipated but they came through for her.

Real friends, true friends, good friends will do that for you. Perhaps she thought her needs and requests were burdensome, but the friends in her life didn't see it as such. They stepped up to help carry the load,

Good friendships stand the test of time; there are shared memories that are hard to walk away from because of a perceived slight or a real hurt. Because sometimes friends do hurt each other, but not intentionally. If it's intentional, question that friendship. Sometimes in our well-meaningness, we may say or do things that aren't received in the manner we anticipated. My friend explained that she has said things to her friend and the friend would say, "you know you need to apologize to me for what you said." She'd apologize as she never meant to hurt her friend, but she still needed to speak her truth and have her friend receive it. Sometimes truth convicts and hurts - so the apology maybe for the expression but not for the truth. Good friends are able to be truthful with one another but due to closeness, the painfulness of the truth may hurt more. Iron sharpens iron; this is not an entirely pleasant process but a profitable one for both.

Good friends give each other space but they also know when to step in.

Good friendships don't feel draining but rather are refreshing with no fear of judgment.

Good friends nurture each other spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Good friends regularly check on each other.

Good friends really get to know each other through shared life experiences.

Good friends don't try to connect with each other, they just do.

Good friends are people of integrity.

Good friends have unbreakable bonds.

We see vivid examples of friendship in the Bible - David and Jonathan  (1 Samuel 18:1-3) whose souls were knit to each other. There are aspects of friendship in the relationship between Moses and Aaron - brothers who were there for each other (Exodus 17:11-12).  An unlikely friendship occurred between Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17), a daughter and mother-in-law. Friendships surprise us and come in all shapes and forms; we never know where a friendship will take us.

I recall Drew and Rob from college. Drew and Rob were good friends in college and have remained so with their bond getting tighter over time. Drew suffered a major health crisis in recent years and Rob was there for him as he spent a significant amount of time with his friend as he recovered. I can hear the love in Drew's voice as he talked about Rob. I think as a culture we are surprised by deep friendships between men, but it happens. It's a given that women will have friends, but gender alone doesn't determine the quality of our friendships.

A friend is one of the masterpieces created by God.  A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature - Ralph Waldo Emerson. We all have the opportunity of being masterpieces by being good friends.

Can two walk together, except they are agreed? Amos 3:3

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. 
Proverbs 27:17

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. 
Proverbs 18:24

Be a good friend and find good friends. Are you a good friend?


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  1. What a wonderful post! Completely agree with what you wrote.

    The question, "are you a good friend?a' is one I ask myself often. I feel that my friends really came through for me in the last few years so I often wonder if I'm doing the same for them. I hope that if I continue to ask myself that question, I always make it a point to always be a person that can be counted on, during good and bad times. The only way I can answer that question is, I truly hope so.

  2. I love hearing stories about true friendships like Drew and Rob. They stand the test of time and hardships. I've been blessed with several great friends, 3 of which I've had since I was 6 years old. We still have to be intentional about making time for each other (we live in different cities), but it's worth the effort we put into it. Thanks for the encouragement to value those friends, Nylse!

  3. Good friends are a treasure! I loved reading this post and I completely agree. It's important to consider if we're being a good friend to those God has placed in our lives. Visiting from #raralinkup

  4. this is exactly what I want to understand better! Even at my "old age" of 60, I find friendships very confusing? I had a close neighbor friend all my growing up years and she was even my matron of honor. We acknowledge each other on facebook, but that is about it. Our mutual friend growing up, they have vacations together, have each other's children at their homes and we all live in different states so its not because they live closer. I had another great friend in college, but she went on to be a missionary and I went on to finish my degree... I don't even know how to find her. Other friends I had were mostly from our children becoming friends. One such friendship, she called me her best friend! Our children were dating and after 10 years ( age 10-20) her daughter broke it off. My son was devastated. My daughter was her friend too and she was getting married soon after this happened. She felt she still had to have her friend and ex-girlfriend of her brothers in the wedding. That was tough and to this day my daughter regrets it. This friend, was getting married soon after my daughters and her mom/ my friend asked me if I would help make the rehearsal dinner food since the groom family was from out of town. I said yes and down closer to the wedding, she asked how I was doing. I said honestly, this is hard. She said then i don't want you to do it. I said I wouldn't do that to you but she demanded me not to help. So I ended up doing nothing and the whole wedding was dreadful to be at. My daughter was in it but even that didn't help. I had lost the friendship and my son was depressed and my husband and I were concerned. Seven years later, and 2 times being defriended on facebook... supposedly she didn't do it? I messaged her every year happy birthday. She returned a message back for mine. They had moved away so I no longer saw her in church. One time after a birthday greeting where I asked her forgiveness because I am sure I had hurt her somehow and I truly did not want to do that. She said, "I don't understand how our friendship changed course?". .. but their are season's of friendships.She said I was forgiven. I don't think she even realizes how she has hurt me in all of this? I don't want to be bitter and I truly want to forgive... this happed 9 years ago for heavens sake! I pray continually for her and hope to know that I have truly been forgiven and have given grace and forgiveness to her. Thanks for letting me open up my broken heart in this very long story!

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