Connections

"Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection." Brene Brown, from her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

A Good Partnership

Bryan Brothers

It's your team's turn to serve. Your partner and you go to the baseline, you quickly converse about a strategy, you both assume your positions, you execute. Whether you win or lose the point, you regroup, show some physical contact and do it all over again.

Doubles tennis, though not as popular as singles, is twice as much fun to watch with more energy and more surface area for play. It would seem that two are better than one, but doubles require more coordination, communication, and grace.

As a single, your strategy is your own - it's in your head and no one knows what will happen until you serve. But in doubles, both parties have to be on the same page. Often times you will see teams using surreptitious ways to communicate with each other so that the other side is unaware. They may use the tennis balls to cover their mouths or whisper in each other's ears. The point is, as a team, only they know what they're doing; no one else does. A doubles partnership is beginning to look like a good marriage - no one else needs to know every detail of your marriage; only you and your spouse are privy to that information.

Next, each partner assumes their position. The server stays at the baseline and the other player goes close to the net and crouches while her partner is serving. Once the ball is over the net, she gets up and is prepared to hit any ball that comes her way. The server moves in and covers the back of the court and is also prepared. They may have discussed what shots they were going to use and now they are executing. Some volleys are so long and exciting, the positions may change. Again, as in marriage, each person knows their position and plays, though sometimes each person's position may change based on the circumstance, it's for the betterment of the team.

After a point is played, whether a doubles team won or lost the point, at the end of each point they always hi-fived or touched hands and then re-grouped. Physical contact is important as it says, we're in this together. It's almost as if it didn't matter the outcome of the point, but that you played your part and made the effort. You made the effort. High five, shake it off, strategize, and continue to play the game. Continue to make the effort.

Our marriages require more coordination, communication, and grace. We start together and we're on the same page. We strategize, execute, high five and repeat. We forgive and give grace. We keep putting the effort in and serving up love like a good doubles game until this life is over.

Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? Amos 3:3

How is your doubles partnership?

--Nylse

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Communication

Communication is the basis for all relationships and in my family it is something we struggle with.
It seems as if many of us are stuck in the past, so when one person speaks, we're not hearing or listening to what they're saying but instead viewing them through an old lens. Does the younger sister ever become a person in her own right or is she forever trapped by her bullying big brother? When a younger brother speaks, can he be taken seriously or is he still viewed as the baby?
These are just examples, but I feel past events color present interactions in a negative way. After a while it becomes quite tiresome.
So how do we get past this? Here's what I've learned so far:

• Start with yourself - Acknowledge the role you play. Perhaps you are always snarky, or come across as having a chip on your shoulder, or maybe you're a smart aleck. If these accusations are coming your way often enough, don't just brush them off or ignore them. They may be some truth to them - so do the hard work and examine yourself. This may take some time, but it's worth it in the long run to you and your family.
• Let your family know of your struggle - this takes guts and may not be well received by all. But the point of this is that sometimes you may slip up. Also by letting them know, it shows your willingness to address your part in it. This may feel unnatural; you may feel exposed; but in the long run you are growing.
• Forgive and forget - in other words move on. Don't hold a grudge. Forgiving may be easy, but the forgetting may be a struggle. Sometimes you just want to hold on to the pain and hurt - let it go. When you have interactions with your family view the slate as being wiped clean. You may go back down the same path, but this time your responses can be different.
• Watch your tone - Sometimes how things are being said has more weight than what is being said. Be polite - manners maketh man!
• Commit this area to the Lord - He can do a new thing and work a change through you.

Interactions with my family are sometimes still problematic and boisterous. But the steps above have helped me tremendously as I constantly work on improving my communication. I remain hopeful, that eventually we can all sit around and have a peaceful, pleasant conversation.

What about you? Do you struggle with communicating with those closest to you? Do you have any additional suggestions?