Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11 - A Crisis of Faith

I pondered long and hard if I wanted to write about 9/11 considering that so many others have and would be, and decided I must.

9/11 started like any other day for me. There was one ironic event that occurred at the beginning of this day - at least it now appears profoundly interesting when I think back. I was listening to Family Radio in the mornings, because I liked the hymns and the morning show by Dr. Cook. Between shows, the announcer made a point of saying in a very cheery voice that since today is 9/11, don't forget to thank your 911 dispatchers. I had never given this much thought before. Who knew that so many would be calling 911 within the next hour or so?

Prior to 9/11 I had recently been downsized and up to this point, I was trying to determine what I should be doing with my life. I had already dropped the children to school and went to the park for my regular morning walk/jog (i.e. - my time alone with God). My husband normally commuted in to Manhattan, but on that particular morning he woke up with a debilitating migraine, and decided not to go in. Thank God! When I came home my husband ran out of the house in a state of panic (in his boxers) saying, "Everyone's calling you, you wouldn't believe what happened, a plane crashed in to the World Trade Center." He's telling me this, but I'm not grasping the magnitude of the situation. As a matter of fact I wanted to blow him off, but I didn't (I think it was the boxers!). We proceeded to watch the unfolding events on TV and I contacted my friends to make sure they were OK (2 of them had husbands in WTC) then proceeded to see both towers collapse on the TV with running commentary from my husband.

When the towers collapsed, it hits me like a brick. The image of the planes hitting the towers and then imploding is seared in my memory; first one, then the other. It was a perfectly synchronized disaster; both buildings were smashed in to the earth.

I had an appointment to see my career counselor that day. Trying to maintain some sense of normalcy, I went to see him. We didn't talk about too much that day, except the morning's events. I was his last client for the day. After I left, the center was closed for the remainder of the day. Driving back home the roads were like a ghost town - it was eerie.

I couldn't cry, instead I got a massive headache that lasted for 3 days. First I kept thinking about all of those people, trapped, trying to escape for their lives. Then I thought, "Darn, my job search has to go on hold for a while!" Then I thought, "Is that selfish of me only thinking of myself when thousands have died?" And "Who is Osama bin Laden?" "Why would anyone go back to their desks?" Oh, I had such conflicting thoughts.

For days I hoped that all the people that were trapped in the towers were safe…but it was not to be. At some point during this day, I ended up at my best friend's house with another friend. The three of us lay on her bed, with me in the middle and we just sat, talked, and maybe cried for what seemed like an eternity.

At the end of this horrible day, I just wanted to hug my husband and children, and that's what I did.

Life goes on, and in our house as we watched the unfolding events, we prayed so that our children would have peace instead of fear.

Ten years later, 9/11 represents something so horrific you question your very reason for being. A friend of mine was in the towers when they were hit, but survived. She said, "you have to understand we didnt know what was going on; you could see it on TV, but we had no idea." She told me how her supervisor told a group of them to go back to their desks; she didn't. Those who went back were never seen again. She talked about the fear and just running, being so dirty after she got out and being directed to showers, probably at a gym. The only thing she looked forward to was getting home to her husband and her daughters. She thought I knew what she went through - I had no idea.

When we go through a crisis of faith we have no idea of what we're going through until after. Also in a crisis there's something that keeps you going. For many it's family; but for me it also something and someone bigger than my earthly family. Regardless of what happens, I know that I have a God that is faithful and loving and if I lean on Him I can get through any crisis.

Later this week, I'll share my own personal 9/11 with you.

Where were you on 9/11? What has 9/11 taught you?

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I have to lean on him everyday!! I know that I can't even walk without him.
    9/11 reminds strongly reminds me that tomorrow is not promised so live for today.


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