Friday, September 6, 2013

Thoughts on Moving - Lonely Days

Once we got settled in, there were many lonely days. The big girls were in HS and it was me and the Little One at home, every day. I remember when I had her, my dad said, "You never thought you would have another one." When we were moving he said, "Thank God you have her because she can keep you company." Truer words were never spoken.

I remember in particular one day just driving around and feeling melancholy. The Little One was in her car seat and as usual I was talking and she was responding. In her profound five-year-old wisdom she said, "Mummy you need to find a school for me and then find a job so you can have someone else to talk to besides me." I guess she too sensed my loneliness and perhaps she was lonely too.

The first order of business was finding a school for her.

Sticker shock - I was not paying what amounted to college tuition for a daycare/private school and I was not working yet.  After doing the rounds I decided to "homeschool" her. My goal was to teach her how to read, so I signed up with the local groups and went to weekly events. We found a Mommy and Me class that we went to once a week. The first day at Mommy and Me, she was so happy to see other little people and she was not shy; she knew all the songs already and sang them loudly. Over time I was able to connect with another parent outside of the class. Eventually I found a private Christian school for her that fit all of my requirements - she was happy from day one. It took longer than I anticipated but through her school, I was able to meet other parents and over time forge friendships.

Prior to school, I spent many days at the park. It became like a dance:
Go to a park; Little One plays well with another little kid; exchange phone numbers; call and never hear back from them or just never hear back from them again.  We kept going to the park though because it was important for the Little One to be outside and playing.

I tried Meetup and other social networking groups. The premise of these groups is good, but though you have common interests, folks just may not be your cup of tea. What I ended up doing was using the information from the group as a way for my family and me to explore and get to know the area.

My husband sensed my loneliness and did what he could. One day a co-worker gave him a coupon for a local gym and he brought it home for me.  He suggested I join, as it would be a good way for me to meet people - so I did.  Another time I felt I was going stir crazy so we took a weekend trip to San Diego, just because.

In all of this what I realized is that though I was lonely, I was not alone. I had my husband and children and they were a nice cushion to fall on. I had to figure out certain things but at least we all had each other.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish. Psalms 25:16-17

Have you ever felt alone, especially after a major change?

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