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Twenty five years is a long time, and over that period of time I
have recognized that we all come in to relationships with baggage - no one enters whole. Baggage is the
stuff you carry with you on your life's journey that weighs you down. It can be
remnants from childhood, a protective shell you built around yourself, pain
from prior situations, or tactics for dealing with certain situations. These
are all baggage in that they hinder your interactions with your partner. Many well-meaning
individuals try to get rid of baggage before they enter in to a serious
relationship, which is commendable but not complete, as you haven't met your life partner yet. Baggage becomes bulky and burdensome if not handled with care.
When I travel, I take luggage with me. My
luggage contains the things I think I need for my journey. My luggage increases
or decreases based on the length of my journey. When I reach my destination, I
typically unpack, though if it’s a short trip I may live out of my suitcase,
but to me that is never ideal.
In
marriage, there's no need to continue to carry baggage that you've had all your
life. Prior to meeting
your spouse, some part of you felt it necessary to carry baggage, but the
safety of marriage allows this baggage to be released. This is done carefully
and with great consideration, for as you
unload piece by piece you realize that you have greater freedom to love.
Baggage shows up in the ordinariness of life, like discovering
you're disciplining a child a certain way only because that's what was done to
you but seeing that it's not working in your situation. Unpacking of baggage is
sacred; when you travel you don't want your luggage to be lost or mishandled.
The same thing happens with baggage brought in to a marriage - it must be handled with care. If it is handled
carelessly, you may feel entitled to holding on to your baggage even though it
is weighing you down. It takes trust to allow your spouse to help you
unpack. And unpacking can happen anywhere and anytime. When we travel we unpack
when we have settled in. In life and
marriage settling in can take a lifetime. The complexity of human nature is
such that we may never discard of all of our baggage, but over time the load is
lighter because you know you have someone to help you.
In our marriage we both have baggage
around how we deal with money. It's not the money itself but what it represents
to each of us. I'm frugal because I always want to ensure that I have. He's not
as frugal as I, so sometimes we may butt heads over the most inane things. Over
time we've both learned to look beyond the immediate situation and recognize
each other's emotions so that we can handle the situation successfully.
Don't be afraid to release your baggage;
the safety of marriage will allow you to do so. Trust the relationship, trust
each other and trust God. If you think you are travelling lightly, ask your
spouse to help you see what you're ignoring. Unpacking leads to greater love and intimacy.
P.S. This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour
This was an incredible post! Wow, so much insight and wisdom. You truly have a gift with words and I hope that many have read this post and enjoyed it as I did.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! 25 years is incredible! You may butt heads but it seems that you have figured out a way to navigate that and make things work regardless. I love the idea that it's safe to let go of baggage when you get married. I let go of a lot of hang ups when I got married and then there are some others that I'm still working on.
ReplyDeleteOh wow 25 years is indeed amazing...makes me feel like I have so much life and experiences to be had with my husband. Thanks for the insight as always!
ReplyDelete