Saturday, March 25, 2017

The Comfort of a Long Marriage

As I approach my 28th wedding anniversary today, marriage is on my mind.

I remember when we first met.

I remember our long phone calls.

I remember when he proposed and me having no doubt on how I would respond.

I remember planning the wedding.

I remember my mother making my dress and I remember my future Mother In Law bringing anthuriums from Jamaica.

I remember that I was not a nervous bride and that my future husband was actually on time!

I remember riding to the church in an antique limousine.

I remember the bridal party colors (peach for the bridesmaids and turquoise for the Maid Of Honor) - what was I thinking?

I remember the wedded bliss of the first year - we both agree that this was not a difficult year for us.

I remember the excitement around getting pregnant and looking back, recognizing how both of us had no idea how our lives would change. I remember each subsequent pregnancy.

I remember when we purchased our first house that became a home.

There are so much more memories, that happy tears, sad tears and anything in between rim my eyes as I type this.

The 28th year is not like the first year -we've built lives together and there's a history between us. The giddiness is gone which has been replaced by a steadfastness. Right now we're in a bit of a rut - figuring out what's next and where do we go from here. Being an emotional support to our adult children while not forgetting about each other. Determining which new dreams we want to pursue and figuring out if we have the time, resources or energy. Making sure the 14-year-old (whose birthday is on our anniversary) is getting the best of us. We're in a rut, but we're in it together and sometimes glimmers of that giddiness may reappear.

If I had one marriage key to share it would be to make sure that you agree on the big things, the foundational things, your values, because no matter how strong the winds that blow, you won't be shaken. In our rut we still share, and we still try to talk to each other daily. We still hug and remember to kiss when saying goodbye. The hardest part may be the constant re-learning of each other and just recognizing the person in front of you not who they used to be. I'm the energizer bunny in my household - but I used to be more high strung. Sometimes you get so used to dealing with high-strung you don't recognize the calmer version in front of you.

A three cord strand is not easily broken - this was imprinted on our wedding stationary and this has proven to be true these many years. This has been our foundation. We're in a rut but we're not easily broken because the Person at the center of our marriage keeps us together. I don't know what I expected, but this is a good rut to be in - with someone who loves me unconditionally and vice versa. We're coming out of this rut together and looking forward to many more years ahead.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Here's to hoping that you can take comfort in the longevity of your marriage. How many years is it for you? If you're single, do you wish to be married? Why or why not?

PS - We're doing something new and exciting today; I'll share with you later.

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  1. Happy Anniversary! Enjoy your rut. I'm single and wish for a true love that I can grow old with.

  2. Thank you for being real and sharing this. I feel many people put up facades or they have a I realistic view of what marriage should be like. My husband always use to tell me that marriage and love is like a mango season. At times it bare and un fruitful. Then They flourish and grow and are sweet and the cycle happens again and again. Ruts are good if approached the way you are approaching it. You'll come out of it better and stronger because of the bond that keeps you together. We're going on 14 years and I hope we get to 28 like you!

  3. At the start many new things glitter & shine. It is through time, stress, and fire that we are able to determine what an item is truly made of. Not only does it confirm what we paid for, but also brings a greater appreciation. Andree, you and Garth already struck gold! Thus rut is a temporary appraisal of its worth. - Steven Fitz-Henley

  4. 28 years, congrats!! I think any marriage will go through a rut but your foundation is what will get you through! You are inspiring to me and I hope to celebrate 28 years too! It's 7 years for us now.

    Excited to hear your news :)

  5. Oh my goodness, we had the same wedding colors! Haha! Congratulations to you both on such a long marriage. I find that once you get over the 20th year, it gets sweeter. Here's to many, many more happy anniversaries. I am looking forward to hearing about your exciting adventure.

  6. Congratulations to you.
    Its wonderful reading your testimony.
    God bless

  7. Oh, how I love all those "I remember's" because, approaching our 27th, we're right behind you and I'm amen-ing you loud! This long journey of decades is just the best.

  8. This is a wise post. I enjoyed your musings down memory road, and I agree that after 17 years, our marriage looks different but better and more God-pleasing in lots of ways.


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