Monday, May 23, 2022

Wifey Material.......Not

I have been a wife for 33 years, and I have never uttered the term "wifey material" to another woman as something they should be. I probably never will, yet so many women utter this phrase that I feel sorry for them. 

As a society, we've put marriage on a pedestal, idolized it, and made it the end goal. When we do this, we work backward, trying to figure out how to attain this goal, and end up with terms like "wifey material." Marriage is a worthy goal, but it's not the be-all and end-all. You can still have a fulfilling life whether or not you're married.

First of all, who coined this phrase? And why aren't men walking around being told to be husband material? (not that 2 wrongs make a right)
This phrase puts undue, unnecessary, misguided pressure to live up to some archaic societal standard. And so many women contort themselves to be wifey material. Frequently its focus is on the superficial and tasks. There's this misguided notion that focusing on domestic tasks will make someone a good wife. Where is that written? But the thing that's sad about this phrase and what it does is that it makes a woman morph into something she is not, to please another. That is not sustainable.

I've never uttered this phrase or plan to because being who you are is enough. Be your glorious, quirky, messy self who is happy with who you are yet always looking to improve. Be a person of sound character imbued with Godly confidence. Be a person who seeks God in all of her ways (Proverbs 3:5,6). Be a self-reflective person (Proverbs 4:5-7). Be a person who exhibits the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Be a person who is slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). Be a kind person who extends grace and who forgives. Be the person God made you to be.

You aren't a wife before marriage; you're simply you. After marriage, you've added another title; for the rest of your life, you get to figure out what that means (that's not a bad thing, BTW). As with any role, you figure out how to flourish using your circumstances and what you bring to the table. Marriage is a coming together of two flawed people working to build something beautiful together.

Ultimately, you can't make someone love you or marry you, so may this phrase die a slow death.


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  1. Well, well, well. A slow death indeed. This post hits every single point I have
    made to many about being, "Wifey Material". This is a ridiculous statement.
    Each woman is different therefore each of us will be a different wife. Each man
    is different and will require a wifey to fit his needs and vice versa. You can't learn
    to be a wife or a husband until you are a wife or a husband. I will share this post
    everywhere I see the phrase "Wifey Material"
    Thanks for the post. 🖤

  2. Visiting from Inspire Me Monday. I haven't actually heard this phrase before. But I very much agree with you that marriage is not the end-all, be-all goal, or shouldn't be. We do what we do as unto the Lord and find our fulfillment in Him. Then we accept whatever roles He assigns us, while still living as unto Him and finding fulfillment in Him.

  3. Ugh, Nylse … I’ve not heard this phrase but I’m with you … it needs to go! I want my girls to be confident, secure in their own skin, using their own God-given gifts, etc., not trying to form themselves into something different for someone else. I pray the same for the guys that God may bring into their lives. This process has required a great deal of prayer, this past year especially. I’m guessing that it will continue well into the future …

  4. Thank you Nylse, for exposing this ridiculous statement, I have heard it and cannot stand it. I agree wholeheartedly with the need to remove it. It is degrading to women, and not at all reflective of who we are in Christ nor how He intended we should be treated.

  5. This reminds me of the old phrase, the-marrying-kind. If God has in mind for a couple to be married, He alone will prepare their hearts for each other. This is not to say it will be easy, because it won't be. However, when a relationship is God-ordained, it will be the most rewarding and life-enriching, human relationship imaginable. Trust & obey, my friends, trust & obey!

  6. Unfamiliar phrase, but the concept is disturbing. Single women glorify God in their own way.

  7. It's a statement that sure puts women in a box and doesn't allow for the holistic view of their skill set. I'd say when I married, I was more professionally minded - wanted kiddos but wasn't a motherly type. I'm so glad my husband saw me - the holistic me - and together we've encouraged each other to grow, become and walk out God's design for our lives. What have we discovered? There is so much more to who we are than we realized the day we said, "I do" almost 39 years ago!

  8. God calls us first to be his children… not someone’s wife! Thanks for this encouragement to get rid of the pressure from meaningless words!

  9. Such great wisdom in this!!

  10. I have not ever heard this expression but you have offered such wisdom here. I surely was not the best wife on the day I said, "I do." The Lord surely used each of my days as a wife, mom, and now Mimi, to stretch and grow me so I would become a display of Him. May we be wise in understanding who we are and pass that along to our daughters and granddaughters.

  11. Nylse, I've heard this expression before. I truly want to thank you for this wonderful message today. I am divorced and have been for a while. I have two adult daughters. I've dated, but have come to see that as I mature in Christ, that's not what I want in this stage of my life. Jesus is the love of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so at peace with being single and I'm busy serving him. I answered his call to write and share him several years ago. I love your insights and encouragement within.
    Thank you for linking up with Sweet Tea & Friends this month.

  12. Thank you for the encouraging reminder - that I am at my best when I simply strive to be all He has created me to be!!


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