Reflections on Fatherhood from a Daughter

Yesterday was Father's Day - a time to acknowledge the fathers in our lives and their contributions whether good or bad, physical, mental or spiritual - to our lives; though I do think these days are more an acknowledgment of the good and an ignoring of the bad. Life is never so binary or so simple - there's a whole spectrum between good and bad. As I talked to my father on Father's Day I was grateful that he is a presence in my life and that he's still here. Having lost two close relatives so far, death reminds me to cherish the people in my life even if they don't live up to my standards.

My father is old now and in old age, you become a certain way; some call it stubborn. Though everyone should be understanding of each other regardless of age, it seems that the older you get the understanding is not mutual. As the younger and as the child, I have to extend greater understanding to an old man who is my father.

I believe as a child I was fearful of my father as he and my mother were very strict, so I made it my point to obey and stay out of trouble. But our household was not turbulent in a horrible way; it was lively and noisy. I remember going to the beach every Saturday - all seven of us piled up in the back of a Ford Escort. At the beach, we spread our towels and played in the water. Then two to three hours later we'd spread the towel on the seat and pile back into the car and go home.  I remember the time my dad brought home a puppy which we christened Gilda, named after a hurricane. I remember our first dog Bobby who eventually had to be put to sleep because he got hit by a car. I remember my dad bringing home a box of Julie mangoes which were the sweetest thing I had ever eaten. He was happy as he watched us devour those mangoes. I remember a time when my father seemed to laugh more. I remember him going to work with pride every day and having workers from his company take us to school and then pick us up in the evening.

When we immigrated to America his disposition seemed to change - he was never able to go back to the professional level he had but in this transition, I learned from my father discipline, presence, perseverance, and stability. I got a new appreciation for "life isn't fair but you still have to live it well." Daddy didn't complain, he just did what he had to do for his family.

My father is a man of parables and few words - he says a whole lot while saying little. "You might be smart but you ain't wise" or "Marry in haste repent at leisure" or my personal favorite - "Start late, you finish late." I had to learn discernment through listening to him because everything he said was not applicable to me but his proverbs also required you to think. When I got married, I saw a different side of my dad as he walked me down the aisle. He was happy, proud and relaxed. Even then he was giving me some last bits of advice, "Take it easy, relax!; Hold on to my arm." We'd never been so close until that moment!

My dad's personality is somewhat reflected in me. He was very disciplined with his spiritual walk - every morning he woke up he had a cup of tea and he read the Bible. In the evening, we always had Family Devotions where he and my mother would lead and then we would go around in the circle reading the scripture, then he would pray and we would all kiss him and my mother good night. We did this for many years.

So I've had the presence of my earthly father all through my life but yet I've not always felt close to him though I love him dearly. I'm grateful that his presence has shaped me in ways that sometimes I don't even understand. I can't say that the void of an earthly father is replaced by a heavenly one because I've had both. But I do know my relationship with my heavenly father supersedes my earthly relationship and there is no comparison. My Heavenly Father is always there, always faithful, keeps his promises, disciplines appropriately, is holy, is a constant provider, forgives without question, and offers true freedom.

Earthly fathers will fail us; some may have abandoned us; some of us may have never known a father. I can't say I know what that feels like but I've known enough people - men and women, to whom the absence of a father has left them incomplete and troubled. And then there are those whose fathers were in their lives and they too don't quite understand their fathers and are troubled by some of their actions. The Bible gives us a picture of a heavenly Father that no human could ever live up to. My Heavenly Father is who I have chosen to anchor my life to - he never disappears, never leaves, and always understands me. I also know that the closer I am to Him, the closer he is to me. I'm grateful for the presence of my Dad and how he has impacted my life but more grateful that I'm a child of the King and that His presence brings a greater joy.

“He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since he is Lord of heaven and earth, he doesn’t live in man-made temples...... For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’" Acts 17:24-28
How was your Father's Day? What's your relationship like with your father? Is it worthwhile to compare your earthly dad to your Heavenly Father?


--Nylse

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Father's Day Reflections

Source

I'm grateful to my father - for he was the first reflection of what I thought a father should be. As an adult, I've had conversations with my father about parenthood. His love was unwavering, but looking back there are always things one can do differently, as he has said.
Be that as it may, I have a distinct memory of my dad and I going to McDonald's together during the 84 Olympics. I was 18 at the time, and I'm not sure what prompted the occasion. What I do remember is us being at McDonald's together, sitting, talking and laughing. They had these tear-off games on the fries where you could win additional prizes. My dad was smiling and encouraging me to play. I think I won another order of fries, which we shared.  This memory is in direct contrast to my years growing up with my dad, because he was the disciplinarian, and as a child I could not appreciate this role. I actually did not know what to think of him, but that day at McDonald's made me realize that he was all right. It probably was one of the only times that we have done something like that. Still makes me smile when I think about it.

Memories make an impression. I couldn't articulate to anyone what I was looking for when I found my husband but I am certain he had to possess certain qualities that I had seen reflected all my life. Qualities like:

• A strong faith in God
• Quiet yet outspoken
• Wise
• An appreciation for life

I found these and more in my husband and today I am glad for the father he is and has been to our children. I am so grateful that they see strong quiet leadership at home. That they see someone who always tries to walk out what they preach. Someone who is silly. Someone who is sensitive. Someone who has shown my children what it means to be a father and a husband.

When I read the Bible I see many imperfect fathers. I also see where God intervenes. Fathers aren't called to be perfect but they are called to be responsible for their offspring...and as my father would say, "to raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 1 Corinthians 6:13The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.; Psalms 103:13

He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. Proverbs 14:26

Thank you Father.

Fathers

I have been blessed to still have my father in my life.  He recently celebrated his 80th birthday - and what a celebration it was.

Here are lessons I've learned from my dad:

• He was a Godly man - He took to heart, "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."  He used biblical principles in raising us. We also had Family devotions every night when we were little.

• He was patient - with eight children and eight different personalities one learns to become patient.

• He was a provider - he took working seriously; he had many jobs throughout his life at various levels.  There was no shame in any of the positions, as long as we were provided for.

• He was strict disciplinarian - now this I did not like; but because every child is different some of us needed it more than others.  There's a story he told me many years later after I was grown: there was a time when he was about to smack me in the head or the cheek for some offense;  apparently I told him in my own childish way  never to do that to me - and from that point on he never did.  I don't remember this, but it sounds like something I would do (I can't believe I had the nerve to say something!)  So he was strict but also sensitive. He was not cruel.

• He valued education - we had to know our multiplications tables by the time we were 5 or 6 and guess what, we did.  We read alot in our house; no one was allowed to be bored; if you were bored the standard reply was, "Go read a book!"

• He enjoyed life - every Saturday afternoon all of us would pile up in our little Ford Escort and drive to the beach.  We would spend the whole afternoon at the beach and then eat conch fritters from a local vendor.  There's also another story that showed his fun side: we lived in the Bahamas, even though my parents were from Barbados.  We were aware of the local dishes, but my mom had never cooked them.  One Saturday, Daddy came home with some crabs and told Mummy that we could make crab and rice - a local favorite.  My mother had never cooked crabs before and she was also afraid of them.  What should have taken maybe 2 hours took the whole day, because my mom had no idea what she was doing.  We eventually ate our version of crab and rice, but never had it again. Then there was the time he brought home a box full of the best mangoes I've ever had.  We all sat there eating mangoes, like it was nobody's business.  One time we had just had a hurricane called Gilda.  A friend gave him a puppy - he brought home a box with the cutest puppy which we called Gilda. Gilda was a fun dog.

• He was faithful - he took his marriage vows seriously.

This is an ode to my father, but also to my husband because he mirrors the same qualities my father has.

God promises us long life, if we honor our parents. Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3.  I don't know how long my life will be, but God's promises are sure.  So today, and everyday tell all the dads in your life what they mean to you.

Happy Father's Day!