How to Blow Your Nose

I'm slowly adjusting to the joy of being a grandmother. Seeing the world through a child's eyes while having no direct responsibility for their upbringing. The pleasure of doing little things that bring joy like planting flowers or sitting for long periods coloring. Listening to her talk while she colors and learning her new favorite word - boring. "This TV show is boring." or "This music is boring." Everything is currently boring if it's not what she selected. 

Maternal Ramblings

April showers bring May flowers and Mother's Day. Some would prefer the flowers over the annual celebration that acknowledges our mothers, but I'm not one of those. I appreciate the flowers and the celebration of the day itself.

Until I became a mother, I can't recall that we ever spoiled our mother as children on this day. It might have been cultural (we grew up in the Bahamas), but we should have, considering what it took for her to deal with eight children. 

As a child, I had no idea all that went into motherhood and only saw what I thought was the detritus of a soulless caregiving role. The yelling, the never-ending chores, and trying to split herself into eight so we were all happy. Subconsciously, I

The Difference Between Hope and Faith

When my children were younger, I delighted in preparing their favorite meal. Though they had differing palates, whenever I promised to make macaroni and cheese, there was an eagerness that permeated the air. This delicacy wasn’t from the box; each ingredient was assembled into a bubbly, delicious covered dish. They couldn’t wait to sit down for dinner.

Looking forward to their favorite meal was hope. Simultaneously, because my children trusted me, they believed that macaroni and cheese would be ready at dinner time--this was faith.

Hope, in its simplest form, is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Faith is defined as complete trust or confidence in someone or something. The Hebrew word for hope, tiqvah, means something we hold onto. The Greek word for faith is pistis, which connotes faithfulness, conviction, and commitment, a reliance on God. Based on the definitions alone, hope and faith are often intertwined; hope is the soil in which we exercise our faith.

Ten Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children

You've raised them, and the hard work is over. It's 'me time.' You now get to relax and live your life. Variations of these themes exist for parents who have raised children, but this is never the reality. While the early years may be labor intensive, the latter years are emotionally taxing and take an equal toll on you. As adults, our control decreases but we have a more significant opportunity for positive influence. With the backdrop of prayer, we can navigate the seasons of our lives with success.

Braving Imperfect Motherhood

In honor of Mother's Day, I'm posting today instead of Monday. Hallmark would have you believe that this day has only one flavor. Read on for my experience.

Before experiencing motherhood for myself, I had this expectation that I was going to be a better mother than my mother ever was. That is, if I was ever going to be a mother at all. To be clear, I had a healthy childhood and my mother did a masterful job at caring for all of her children but as far as I could see motherhood was a tiring, messy task, with little to no reward.

These thoughts were so deeply ingrained, were it up to me, I would have lived my life to ensure that children were not on my radar.

Blessings or Not?

Children are a gift from God; a reward from Him. In the KJV it says ".....and the fruit of the womb is his reward." When we think of children we forget the gift part; we forget the feeling of receiving a gift - that feeling of unexpected glee and joy while simultaneously feeling undeserving of such a gift. It's equivalent to the feeling that you have on your birthday and you are presented with gifts because of the special person that you are.

More often than not we don't initially ascribe positive words or thoughts to children. 

Time for a New Start

All of a sudden, August 14th seems to be the date when most schools resume all over these United States (did you catch the irony in the name of this country? I digress). The Little One started high school on Monday and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. She is my late in life child, the child of my old age, our surprise blessing. Prior to discovering I was pregnant with her, I was seeing my way across the finish line and looking forward to a respite from childrearing. This time, I'm much closer, and there will be no surprises.

She started High School with all of its promises of new beginnings, experiences, and excitement. As an older parent, I'm there for her but I'm also nudging her to embrace the good that High School has to offer. As I've prayed for all of my children, I'm more cognizant of how to intercede for her in light of what's happening around us.

I pray for peace; I pray that she has a peaceful disposition and that she is a peacemaker.
I pray that she has no anxiety and that when she becomes uneasy, she is reassured that she need not be anxious about anything.
I pray for favor with her teachers, guidance counselors, administration and any position of authority that she interacts with.
I pray that she is surrounded by good friends and that she is a bright light to all; that her light will shine.
I pray for protection from people and things that mean her harm.
I pray for bravery to combat injustice and to speak up as needed.
I pray for wisdom and discernment.
I pray for determination and strength as there will be things that she will just have to persevere through - whether it's dealing with a tough project, making a team or short-sightedness on her part.
I pray for memory to recall God's word that is hidden in her heart; to recall what she has studied.
I pray that she will be a friend to the friendless.I pray that she exudes joy.

I have prayed a variation of these prayers for my children daily as they navigated the halls of learning and will continue to do so. I found these scripture bracelets on Groupon and got her one with her favorite verse on it so she could have a visual reminder of God's promises.

We're all in need of fresh starts. This country is in need of a fresh start, just as the thousands of students who start school annually. In the midst of transition let's not forget the importance of prayer. At the beginning of this school year, let's take a moment to pray for our children, their teachers, their schools, their communities, their homes, their countries. Perhaps the Little Ones, empowered by love from praying parents, can truly initiate the fresh start we all need.

Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Always be joyful. 

Never stop praying. 

1 Thessalonians 5:14-17

It's time for a new start; start with prayer.

--Nylse

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Raising Children

The process of making bread is similar to raising children.

The basic recipe is relatively simple with few ingredients; but in order to get bread, we must combine, mold, shape (even pummel) all the ingredients together. Then we must let the dough sit, until it rises.

Once it rises, we separate the dough and depending on our recipe, let it rise further before placing it in the oven.

Once it comes out of the oven, it's beautiful and ready to be eaten. One of my favorite memories as a child was eating slices of fresh baked bread with butter on Saturday afternoons.

In Proverbs 22:6 [KJV]we read, train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 31:28 [KJV] says, her children rise up and call her blessed. 

As mothers, we train our children by teaching, molding character, disciplining, hugging and being practical examples for them. Sometimes the hardest part is to just sit and wait while the bread is rising. Everything went in that is needed to make a loaf of bread, but with children, we don't know how long it will take for them to rise; for them to rise up and call us blessed.

I've had to sit and wait as my oldest went through a wayward stage. This child went off to college and probably had the typical college experience - enjoying his freedom away from home just a tad bit too much. When he came back home, I sometimes felt as if I didn't know him. But since he was an adult now, I learned it was better to pray and believe the promises of God's word than to constantly nag or harass him. So I prayed daily. I prayed constantly. I prayed often. My husband and I both prayed. Today, this young man is someone who lives to please the Lord; a young man who is not ashamed of what Christ has done and is doing in his life. He embodies Romans 12:1-2. But during his season, I had to wait and hope and pray and wait as God worked and formed him into the perfect loaf of bread.

Through my children, I know that the promises of God's word are true. As I've waited with each child, I don't wait idly. I wait with a belief that God's promises aren't empty and they will come to fruition. I wait as an exercise of faith. I wait hopefully.

So let's do our part in raising our children and trust that when they are old, they will not depart from our training and will rise up and call us blessed.

Traditional White bread Recipe

Mornings With Children

It seems that no matter how much you plan, organize and strategize mornings with children can sometimes be chaotic. Since the Little One missed a week of school she has had to make up a boatload of schoolwork. (BTW, what's the point of missing school due to an excused absence and still having to make up all the work? Isn't that why it was excused?! rant over).

On Friday she found out that she had to do a project in a weekend that everyone in the class had at least two weeks to do. She decided that she would tackle this project and get it done. I don't know if you know, but 8th-grade work nowadays is not like when you and I were in school. They're expected to know how to use technology well and incorporate into their assignments.  She's done more PowerPoint's at 13 than I did at 20. What was a PowerPoint back then?! (Second rant over.) Of course, there's always the Mac vs PC argument, and this teacher wanted the assignment completed in Keynote which is the Mac version of PowerPoint. Well, we're not a Mac house, so that's that. Anyhow she does the Keynote part of the project on her phone very tediously and eventually gets frustrated. The first part was to write a 600-word report.

This morning she wakes up and realizes that there is a capability in PowerPoint to add a voice recording, so she attempts to complete the presentation this morning. Let me add the presentation was completed but part of the assignment was to record an interview as part of the presentation. (As I type this, this all seems a bit much for one weekend.) So she was going to record the interview this morning, This recording took at least 5 minutes. She did it once, she did it twice, she even attempted it a third time but it would not work. Each time she played back the presentation the recording was not included.

It is now 7:50 and we must leave because school starts at 8. She eats breakfast in the car as I drive to school.

She is so sad as she gets to school. She asks, "Why do I miss her so much?" She is just a mess and I pray with her and let her know that she can take her time. We hug for a while until she eventually regroups. She eventually gets out of the car, and I continue to pray as I make my way home.

Even without the specter of grief, mornings can be crazy. I know that she has to go through this and I'll do my best to continue to guide, support and comfort her. Sometimes in spite of our best efforts, things fall apart in the morning. Laundry is misplaced or worse no clean underwear; can't find a shoe or a book that's needed that day;  lunch is forgotten;  homework did not make it to the book bag. There's so much that can go wrong.

As a mother I've learned to take it easy, because unfortunately yelling or making empty threats just does not help....at all. Also, if I wake up early before all this mayhem, I'm better equipped to deal with it. Thankfully, this is not every day or even most days.

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. Jeremiah 31:3[NLT]
I hope tomorrow brings a better morning.

Work Life Balance

On the fourth Thursday of each April, more than 37 million Americans at over 3.5 million workplaces participate in "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day."(source: Forbes.com)

This year marks the program’s twenty-first anniversary. Initially, this day was called "Take Our Daughters to Work Day," but then it was recognized that parents, not just mothers, probably wanted to model working for their children, not just their daughters. Regardless of what is called, when I worked in corporate America I found this day very interesting.

First, companies embraced it with gusto and planned activities for children and even provided childcare. Then the gusto faded - and as an employee, it was OK to have your children with you on this day. It wasn't an off day as you were at work, but how much work got accomplished was anyone's guess. I don't know what happens nowadays since I currently work from home or consult.

Ironically, when children were at work it was harder to work. Depending on the age of your children, it was hard for them to grasp the concept that you sitting at your desk and "working" was actually work. For example, they did not get all the details that went into making a decision, so there were questions and other interruptions. The organization I worked with pampered the kids - they had the best chocolate chip cookies and fun activities throughout the day. My children were well behaved (and cute) so other adults wanted to engage them in conversation. The mother in me would encourage the conversation while at the same time being wary of kids being kids. Work-life balance was not achieved on this day.

The premise of this day may be convoluted but the old adage,"children learn what they live," is true; children model the behaviors we have demonstrated for them in all areas - not just at home or at work.

I grew up in the Bahamas and this day did not exist back then. My father was the Foreman/Manager at the Bahamas Electric Company. He had a good rapport with his employees for as children we knew many of them by name. Oftentimes they would pick us up and drive us to school. It was then we realized how well-respected he was. I never went to his place of work but the way he spoke about his job and the respect shown to him by his employees were indicators that he enjoyed what he did. He was also generally happy in those days. On the other hand, my mom stayed home. My primary impressions of my mom were that she was a hard worker - she was not lazy; she was resourceful and she loved to sew. My mother seemed happiest at her sewing machine. I absorbed the skill of sewing from my mom. I think at one point my mother also attended secretarial school. One of the skills she learned was shorthand. She taught me shorthand;I wish I still remembered it today. I learned important lessons from my parents and how they handled work. My parents were aspirational - I saw from their example that a willingness to work opened up a world of possibilities.

Work is a part of life; it's not only something that you do outside of the home. Work is valuable and its worth is seen in how we are compensated. When children are very young, as a mother, work-life balance seems to be in the forefront of your brain. Everyone struggles with finding a balance but men view work-life balance differently from women. Many women are often thinking of tasks to be done even while at work. I hear it's no easier being a SAHM (so as an aside, I wish the motherhood wars would end; there's no need to pit moms against each other and it's even worse when it comes from other Christians). But children grow up and the balance shifts over time.

You are responsible for your life and therefore how you balance your priorities. It's nice to have companies recognize that striking a balance is important, but it's even more important that you do so.

My priorities start with God, and then I would say everything else falls into place. If I were a bit more specific I think it might look something like this: God, Me, Family, and Everything else.  My faith is central to who I am, so if God is not first in my life, I don't know where or what I would be. He's been first in my life for a long time and that's not changing. But I've noticed that when I don't prioritize myself, many of the other priorities fall apart. Over time I've learned how important it is to take care of me. This may be  oversimplified, but this is how I attempt to achieve the ever elusive work-life balance.

Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33 [NLT]

And yet, 

“Better to have one handful with quietness

than two handfuls with hard work

and chasing the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6 [NLT]

How do you achieve a semblance of balance? What were your experiences with "Take Our Children to Work Day?"

The Sounds of Home

Without fail, by 10 o'clock on most nights, my body decides it has had enough for the day and shuts down. If I'm on the couch all of a sudden I am sound asleep. Last night I fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. I kept going in and out of sleep until I finally went to my bed. At some point, before I went into deep REM sleep, I heard the sound of a guitar and beautiful singing accompanying it. I smiled and thought about all the sounds that emanate from a home and what they mean.

As a newlywed, it was just me and my husband enjoying each other's company. I learned he was a movie buff, and so I broadened my horizons and watched a lot of movies. As a newlywed there was the sound of laughter, love, and conversation with the background noise of TV.

Soon after, we had our first child. Now there were the sounds  of a baby - crying, pooping, laughing, aahing cooing, interspersed with the sounds of us. Us figuring it out, us talking to each other, and us sleeping. Oh, the joy of sleep. Sleep became more essential and movies took a back seat. But we kept talking and always tried to laugh. The background noise of TV receded for a bit.

More children and more sounds - until my quiver was full.

There's now some constant sounds in my world - Family Radio playing Christian music, the whistle of the kettle daily for a cup of tea, the pages turning as we all read various books, horsing around with Dad on a Friday night; board game battles; the crinkling of a bag to get to a beef patty; the popping sound as we opened the Styrofoam container that contained jerk chicken from our favorite place; the wind chimes on the front door signalling another person has arrived or left; sometimes the slamming of doors (but not often). On Saturdays, there was music - oldies, and Jamaican music played loudly throughout the house. The sound of housework was a constant also - cooking, cleaning, mopping, dusting, organising. These things weren't done in a vacuum, so more talking, and sometimes bickering. TV noise increased again as we would watch movies in my bedroom as a family because that's where the DVD was.  Of course, as we all grew and changed we all produced different sounds - boo hoos, achoos, hmms, uh-ohs, groans, moans, stomps, claps, singing, snoring, shouting, yelling and hahas; always haha. Sometimes we whispered but mostly we were loud. Our love is loud.

Noticeably absent from our lives was the sound of pets - we never had any.

And now I am here - guitar playing and singing. This moment makes me realize that all those sounds brought us here to a point of exploration, growth and creativity.

As I close my eyes, smile and drift off to sleep, I am grateful for the sounds that come from my house today; the sounds that make my house a home.

Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.

How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! Psalms 127:1,3-5 [NLT]

What sounds come from your home?

A Chapter a Day - Proverbs 19

I've benefited immensely from this challenge in that it makes me realize that if one wants to be wise, they can be - if they choose to obey the Word of God and apply it to their lives. Let's maintain our form and jump into Proverbs 19.

Observations and Highlights

One of the constant themes in the book of Proverbs is dealing with those that are poor. What does it mean to be poor? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, poor is defined as lacking material possessions; of, relating to, or characterized by poverty; less than adequate, meager, small in worth; inferior in quality or value. It's a broad definition that covers a lack of physical possessions to a state of mind. To be poor is not a bad thing, either - it can happen to any of us.
So, even though you lack physical possessions you can still walk uprightly. Your physical situation does not necessarily determine your mental and spiritual state (v1). One of the benefits of being poor is being able to determine who your true friends are (v2). Remember, whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and He will reward them for what they have done (v19). Lending to the Lord is something we can't understand because it is not an earthly transaction. This reaps heavenly rewards.


One other powerful verse that can really impact our interactions is a person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense (v11). The practicing of wisdom produces patience that allows you to overlook actions that may irritate. Some folks aren't social in the morning and never say good morning - overlook it; someone persistently mispronounces your name - overlook it; someone cuts you off on the freeway - overlook it. We commit offenses every day - it’s up to us to decide how we respond to them. Someone told me a long time ago to ”Grow Duck Feathers” - so that things can just roll off my back. I've taken this advice to heart, but again it stems from the wisdom of God's word.


This chapter also mentions relationships in the home. A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.(v 13,14) If you've read along so far, you know what actions make up foolish behavior. If you are behaving foolishly you are a foolish person; a foolish child is a heartbreaking. A quarrelsome wife is also exhibiting foolish behavior but a prudent wife is from the Lord. We can control how we provide an inheritance to our children, but as a husband when you have a wife that is wise and a blessing to you though you may have selected your wife, it was the Lord that guided you all along. A prudent wife is from the Lord.

Read on.

A Room To Grow

Source

As I read this article, I realized that it will be a while before I deal with another child going off to college. I am happy about this yet I think back on the past years with no regrets.

Some things we did not know
With your first child, it's so much harder than you think but it gets easier over time, but it's never easy. I shed buckets of tears after realizing what we had just done when we came home after dropping off the first child. I was shocked as the tears just came and came. Those tears were pleas that he would be all right, comfort in knowing that you've done the best you can and just plain old release. It may be one of the few times that I've cried so much and so long.

Many things we learned along the way

• The boy was not as finicky as the girls when it came to dorm rooms.
• Everyone needed a trunk, combination locks, bed risers and shower caddies.
• A lot of the items on those dorm room shopping lists are extraneous, (trust me you don't need a sleeping mask).
• Roommates matter, but sometimes you can't control who you will get. You learn to deal with what you have until next semester.
• Being an RA is a great way to learn leadership and possibly save on tuition. Worse case, befriend the RA.
• Care packages are nice but not vital; do what works for you and your family. Is there more care shown than having money in your bank account? But sometimes I sent books or other knick knacks that were well received.
• The freshman 15 can be real because of 1st yr meal plans and the freedom of being on your own; but after that, those 15 lbs may go in a different direction since the student may be on the starvation plan.
• Having good friends in your college town can make holidays like Thanksgiving easier. It's not always cost effective to go home for Thanksgiving if you are attending college out of state.
• Living off campus is totally different than living on campus; you will need furniture which is another expense or you will pay more for a furnished apartment.
• Everyone needs a laptop; a Mac is worth it for the long haul but not a necessity. On the other hand, having your own personal printer is not a necessity. 
• You don't need a full set of dishes; you can get cutlery from the cafeteria or just make sure you have a plate, a cup, a knife fork and spoon; and this can all be plastic.
• You have to figure out your storage options at the end of each school year. This can take the form of a friends garage, a friend's place or paying for storage. I still have stuff in my garage from college students who have stored stuff with me.
• Everyone is trying to get you to spend money; absolutely nothing is free.

We've argued, laughed and cried every year figuring out the logistics of moving children in to dorms and we have survived. We have more than survived - we have come out on the other side and are able to see our grown children growing in to the purpose God has in store for them. It was exhaustingly exhilirating. If we can do it, you most surely can.

For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die. Psalm 48:14 [NLT]

Ultimately a dorm room is a space for your children to grow. What was it like moving your children in to dorms? Did the reality live up to your expectations?

Commencement, Again

Yesterday, the third of my children graduated from college. This was my 3rd college commencement in the past 5 years. This was the rainiest graduation of the bunch - it never rains in California but it chose to rain Thursday and Friday.  The weather was unseasonably cold, and pretty much everyone in attendance wore a poncho. We were able to buy our ponchos on Thursday night from Target. And then I felt the urge to straighten my hair, so there was no way I was getting it wet. That poncho came in handy with my doo rag on underneath the hood. Seating was at a premium even though we got there early. In spite of the rain, I enjoyed all of the pomp and circumstance associated with this graduation, and yes the sun eventually came out (and the doo rag came off).

It just seemed that these last 4 years went very quickly.  At each commencement, I think about where my child was when they started college and where they are now as they are about to embark on this life adventure.

• I've realized that even though you think you're not prepared for the next chapter, all the experiences, all the course work, all the papers, all the late night sessions, were preparation for this moment right now.

• I've realized that every child's college experience is different, but the college experience does not have to be the one we hear about the most. It can be a successful one where you don't party, don't drink, don't experiment sexually yet you come out a well-rounded human being. It's not only through frivolity that we learn.

• People have bestowed a special honor on my husband and me for having raised 3 children (so far) who were able to graduate college. I accept the honor, but the greater achievement is that they all know the Lord and He is the guiding force in their lives. I've realized that though my children have graduated from college I still feel ill-equipped to pass on knowledge as to how we did this; parenting is complex.

• I've realized that there are no coincidences in God's plans.  We moved to California 8 years ago; but had we not moved I'm not sure that my daughter would have gone to USC. Had we not moved, I'm not sure that we could have afforded USC. 

• I've realized that even though the monetary value of college is sometimes questioned, that the greater value is in seeing your children grow before your eyes. It is a pleasure (and sometimes a pain) to hear them expressed well-formed thoughts that stemmed from classroom knowledge combined with their experiences and shaped by their character.

• I've realized that I've enjoyed most commencement speeches, though a year from now I won't remember all the details. This year I was left with 3 equations from Mellody Hobson:

1. hard-work + bravery = success
2. imagination + bravery = creativity
3. love+bravery = happiness

• I've realized that I'm just freaking proud of my children.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5, 6

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord, to them who are called according to his promise. Romans 8:28

"For just as the new heavens and the new earth which I make will endure before Me," declares the LORD, "So your offspring and your name will endure." - Isaiah 66:22

Commencement means beginning, but it also signifies the end of something. It's never too late to begin again.

Circles

Source

One morning as is our habit, the Little One and I were reading the Bible. We were reading this passage and as I read verse 22 she blurted out:

"Circles.  Circles!!

The Earth is round. Circles mean the earth is round.

Why did Columbus think the earth was flat? Why did anyone think the earth was flat?

All they had to do was read the Bible; it's right there."

It was right there all the time. I guess we could save ourselves a lot of trouble and gain so much if we would take the time to read the Bible and process what we read.

God sits above the circle of the earth. The people below seem like grasshoppers to him! He spreads out the heavens like a curtain and makes his tent from them. Isaiah 40:22 NLT

Do you read the Bible?

Catching Monkeys

Source

It is said that the way to catch a monkey is to take a coconut, cut a hole in it and place a pebble inside the coconut.  The monkey will see the coconut, place his hand in the coconut and grab the pebble. But then the monkey can not leave because he now has to figure out what's important - the pebble or the coconut. And so in his distraction he becomes easy bait to be caught. (I don't know how true this is, as I've never ventured to catch monkeys, but the premise makes for worthwhile discussion.)

Sometimes, we are like those monkeys. We hold on to things that we think are important and forget the bigger picture. We get sucked in by wanting things and then those things take a hold of us. Things like: placing a premium on getting a dream job; sending our children to the best schools; buying a car or a house; or a relationship.

When we finally get these things we hold on to them so tightly, and before we know it, we are not enjoying life. We're also in a position to be distracted and to be caught. At this point, we hear and interpret things differently. For example what used to be, "education is important and we will do our best to ensure our kids receive the best with what we have to offer." now becomes, "education is the most important thing and nothing matters but sending my child to an ivy league school."  What used to be, "this job is the next step in my career because I really enjoy what I do," now becomes, "I'm here and I don't care what I have to do or who I have to hurt to keep this job." Our thinking becomes warped the longer we hold on to the pebble. The coconut has more value than the pebble. The coconut can be used to sustain us and help others. The coconut wasn't meant to trap you but the bait inside the coconut was, and so many of us take the bait.

How about we open our hands and let the pebble go; just let it go because it's not as important as you think it is and if you really want a pebble you can get it outside of the coconut. When you put things in their proper perspective, a pebble is just a pebble.

Monkeys like humans are smart, but sometimes we do things that are to our own detriment. We focus on things we want that are so little and inconsequential instead of focusing on bigger things.  For me the bigger things are always about increasing my faith by trusting in the One who made all things. When tempted to take the bait, He gives me the wisdom, the insight and the foresight to let go of the pebble. In that moment of letting go I know that I won't be bait for anyone and I won't be a monkey that gets caught. You can still enjoy all that God has for you without it becoming the priority in your life.

19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Matthew 6:19-21 (NLT)

Have you taken the bait? What are you holding on to?

Life's Little Pleasures

Source

There is a lot of unrest in the world as I write; without me naming specific incidents you can probably recite them.
Those things can weigh you down, so instead I'll think about life's little pleasures. Not because I'm in denial, but because these things make me happy and when I'm happy I can tackle bigger problems.

So here's some of life's little pleasures:

• The Little One had a friend over; they're doing nothing special but the laughter and enjoyment of each others company puts a smile on my face.

• When visiting my parents in NY seeing the smiles on their faces as everyone was around.

• Having conversations or small talk with my children; extra pleasure - hearing maturity.

• Catching up with friends over a cup of tea.

• Alone time.

• Couple time.

• Holding hands.

• Sunrise - being outside at the crack of dawn.

• Telling a joke and everyone getting it.

• The satisfaction you get from the smell of clean laundry just out of the dryer; actually being at the dryer when it stops so you can still feel the warmth of the clean clothes.

• Exercise.

• Reading - I just completed a variety of books on my vacation which increased my enjoyment.

• Praying - in the moment right where you are; sometimes just to offer thanks or to ask for help.

• Answered pray - seeing solutions in small ways to big things that I've prayed about. 

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Little pleasures for me often involve laughter, smell, touch and memory. Little pleasures put a smile on my face. Little pleasures remind me that even though this world has gone mad, there's still much to smile about and perhaps there's something I can offer to quell the madness. Little pleasures have a huge impact.

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 

James 1:16, 17 (NIV)

What can you add to the list of little pleasures?

Mom of The Year

After Kevin Durant's touching MVP speech, I may not be a contender for the Mom of the Year.

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But really, what is the mom of the year? Who determines if you're a good mom to the children that were entrusted to you? Who knows the sacrifice you make for your offspring?
Who can understand the person you've become since motherhood changed you?
Why do we give out, or even rely on these titles?

If you've birthed a child, changed a diaper, examined poop, removed mucus, tricked a child in to eating - you're mom of the year.
If you've wiped skinned knees, and elbows, or felt sad when your child was hurt - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself standing up for your child in ways you never expected - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself wanting to protect your offspring from every bad thing - you're mom of the year.
If you  equip your child as best as you can to deal with every possible situation - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself yelling because they've done something dumb, yet regretting it later - you're mom of the year.
If you've punished them, though it hurts you - you're mom of the year.
If you've instilled discipline - you're mom of the year.
If you've loved their friends like they are your own - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself crying when they first leave home - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself cooking their favorite meals because they're coming to visit - you're mom  of the year.
If you always want the best for your children - you're mom of the year.

I re-read Hannah's story recently - she too was a mom of the year. For many years she prayed for a child and promised the Lord that if he granted her request, she would give him back to the Lord. She became pregnant, and after he was weaned (anywhere between 2-3 years) she entrusted him to the priest, Eli, just as she promised. But she went on to have 5 more children. For whatever reason, her first child made her pray and make a promise to God. Children do that to us, don't they?

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Motherhood is not the be all or end all, but it is fulfilling and matures you in an unexpected way. If you're not a mom, be sure to show your mom some appreciation; let her know that she's your mom of the year. If you're mother, don't beat yourself up; enjoy all the moments of being a mom and even if your children don't say it now, may they rise up and called you blessed, as you embody the qualities of mom of the year.

Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her. Proverbs 31:28 (NLT)

Happy Mothers Day!

Women, Exercise and Change of Life

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I was reading a recent blog post about one woman's need for surgery due to female issues. But I was disturbed by the comments. There were two over riding themes:

1. A lack of knowledge on what happens at this stage
2. A lack of exercise

From my own experience, exercise is not a cure all but it comes pretty close. I'm on the other side of 45 and pretty close to 50. I'm still tickled when folks don't believe my age or somehow think my children should be younger. I'm flattered when I'm told my daughters and I could pass for sisters. BTW - I will enjoy these compliments until they stop coming.  I use to try to rebut, or wonder what people think my age would look like, but now I gracefully smile and say thank you.

But there's a segment of women that have let themselves go physically. They have doughy arms, distended bellies and dimpled thighs. They try to convince themselves that they're fine, until they start dealing with the effects of aging combined with menopause. It's rough. But what I know is that if you take care of yourself physically, dealing with female changes aren't so hard and daunting. Infrequently I'll have hot flashes,or other physical changes associated with this phase of life. There was a point when I actually had insomnia. I found that when I increased my exercise the insomnia subsided. None of these things have ever reached the point (for me) where I thought I needed medications or hormones to correct.

So I want to encourage all women to make physical exercise and well-being a regular part of their lives.

• Start by walking, and gradually build up to something more rigorous. I like to run as I can pretty much do it anywhere. Besides the investment of proper sneakers and proper attire, this is something that is low cost. And we all know the benefits of running.  It doesn't have to be running; it can be speed-walking, dancing, swimming, table tennis, hiking, horseback riding, weight lifting, cycling, stair-climbing. The main criteria is that it works up a sweat.
• Push yourself, a leisurely stroll is just that, leisurely - you need to put in some effort.
• Watch what you eat; make sure you're getting all your vitamins.
• Drink lots of water.
• Incorporate more fruits and vegetables in to what you eat.
• Make small changes over time; Rome was not built in a day.
• Watch your portion sizes
• Connect with other women who have this mindset.
• See your doctor annually.

You've raised children, and as a dear friend of mine says, "Now it's my time." For so long you've put yourself on the back-burner. No more, use this stage of life to start nurturing yourself physically, which hopefully will spread to other areas. It feels good to invest in yourself and its not selfish.

From a spiritual perspective there is nothing wrong with exercise or taking care of our bodies. We are told to take care of our bodies, but not at the expense of our spiritual health.

“Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8 (NLT)

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19,20 (NLT)

She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. Proverbs 31:17 (NKJV)

Do you exercise on a regular basis? What works for you?

Disclaimer - before attempting any physical exercise program, please consult a health care professional.

Leaving the Nest

At this point in our lives we have a child that is preparing to leave the nest, and I'm reminded of eagles.

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As parents, we were the ones that taught her how to fly. We did that by teaching and modeling what we taught. This sounds very formal and oversimplified as I write, but children learn what they live. Having children forced me to become consistent in my beliefs.

As the eagle teaches her young ones to fly, so do we. When eagles are babies, the mother eagle uses her beak and picks up the eagle. At this point in time the bird can't fly, so as the bird starts to fall the mother eagle flies underneath the baby and catches it, so that the fledgling is flying on her wings.  Because eagles learn by imprinting (i.e. imitation) she will continue to do this, until the baby soars and can leave the nest. One motivation that the mother eagle uses is food. The baby needs to learn to fly in order to hunt for his own food so that he too can grow. As the baby grows, he won't leave the nest unless he has to. At first the mother is responsible for all of the baby's needs - she would bring meat to the nest. The baby eagle has grown and can fly, but not fast or far yet because he is still growing. At a certain point in time the mother eagle will stop dropping food in to the nest. It may even look like she is harming her young. But the mom knows once the fledgling is hungry enough, he will use his wings, imitate her and fly to where the prey is, hunt, eat and then return. Eventually the fledgling will not return.

An interesting illustration is thus recorded by Sir Humphry Davy:, "I once saw a very interesting sight above the crags of Ben Nevis. Two parent eagles were teaching their offspring, two young birds, the maneuvers of flight. They began by rising from the top of the mountain in the eye of the sun. It was about mid-day, and bright for the climate. They at first made small circles, and the young birds imitated them. They paused on their wings, waiting till they had made their flight, and then took a second and larger gyration, always rising toward the sun, and enlarging their circle of flight so as to make a gradually ascending spiral. The young ones still and slowly followed, apparently flying better as they mounted; and they continued this sublime exercise, always rising till they became mere points in the air, and the young ones were lost, and afterwards their parents, to our aching sight." (See Isa. 40:31.) - Easton's Bible Dictionary

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Eagles in the Bible are noted for their strength (Isa 40:31), their longevity of life (Psalms 103.5), and for caring for their young (Deut. 32:11,12). As my daughter leaves, I'm hoping that as parents we have given her what she needed - we were her first role models and I hope that we've imprinted the right things on her heart. I am praying for the strength and beauty of the eagle in her life. And when she's tired, I hope she knows that she doesn't have to carry it all but that she can rest on Eagle's wings.

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isa 40:31

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

Have your children left the nest? How was your imprint? Were you ready for them to leave?