Don't Let Another Wounded Soldier Die

The Girl - this is what she became.  She no longer had a name - everyone called her The Girl.  The Girl attended church and was a member of the Youth Choir.  The Youth Choir really blessed others when they sang, but as these things go, not everyone believed or lived what they sang.  The choir director could only do so much to ascertain a person's spiritual condition.

The Girl got pregnant. They were many cries of "How could this happen?"  "She sang every Sunday", and "Oh my goodness."  To hear it being told all of the ones condemning her were near perfect in their youth and never made any mistakes.  The Girl left the church and as far as I knew never came back.

Notes From My Daughter - How Pain Makes Us Stronger

Occasional notes from my second daughter. I never know what to expect when she writes but I am always blown away. Did this child come from me? Read on!
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“I know why you run away and I know why you come back” – God to me, 1/1/17.

You live a very interesting life when you are both injury-prone and have a high threshold for pain. About 4 years ago while at an ice skating rink, my blade got stuck in a groove, and I started flying face first towards the ice. I managed to turn a bit before I landed but not fully. My knee hit the ice first and then I remember feeling a sharp pain in my shoulders and back. As usual, I didn’t scream. Life just paused on the ice rink and everything moved a bit slower.

Then I noticed all the people staring at me.

I quickly got up on my own politely refusing help,  assured the crowd that I was okay, and proceeded to skate nonstop for another 20 minutes.

As I prepared to go home I noticed I couldn’t fully bend down to take my skate off because my shoulders were stiff. I decided to just move slower, gently easing my hands towards my boots. It was only when I started rolling up my jeans above my ankles that I realized something felt different. I rolled my pants leg all the way up to my knee and that’s when I noticed my knee had swollen to twice its size. My knee was unrecognizable to me, my body felt foreign, but the pain felt very familiar.  

Pain is a feeling closely associated with power. The discomfort you feel when you become aware of your own pain is due to recognizing:

•  You are under an undesired control
•  You feel powerless to change the circumstance

In the moment, the pain seems purposeless but very powerful. It evokes a desire to fight or flight. You can either conquer it quickly or escape it quickly, but the impulse is never to endure.

Those who chose flight aren’t cowards in my eyes, neither is the one who chooses to fight, brave. They are both logical, though myopic, reactions aimed at survival. In every human relationship where pain has been experienced, these same fight or flight mechanisms are manifested. Some people assert a domineering identity and demand compliance from others so that their authority no longer feels threatened. Some people want to fight on purpose so that they can prove who the more powerful person is and hold that over the losers head. Some get silent, walk away, or altogether end the relationship. There are many possible outcomes but ultimately people instinctively want to survive which ironically is what causes more pain because it seems like there isn’t enough power for everyone.

My body has survived myriad pains and it has only been in slowing down that I was able to notice what was really happening. My injury prone body has undergone constant unaddressed stress that became a normalized way of existing for me. My high threshold for pain caused delayed responsiveness even in critical moments. I used to judge myself harshly for these impulses. "Am I arrogant for not asking for help immediately? Am I a coward? Am I called to permanently burden all of these pains? Why do I keep on reliving the same type of traumatic experiences? What’s wrong with me?" I felt powerless. I felt weak. 

God, however, showed me the issue wasn’t in being weak. The solution wasn’t in judging myself, as a matter of fact, I had all together misjudged the situation.

“I know why you run away, and I know why you come back.”

The moment God said this was honestly life-changing. Here I was ruminating on all that I had done, fighting myself looking for the power to change my circumstances when all I needed to do was slow down. Here I was judging myself for “running away” from God, feeling all types of guilt and helplessness and God met me with compassion.

For the One to know why I do what I do means you’ve been there while I’ve done it and didn’t fight me or flee from me during that time. He being unruled by time, slows us down when our impulses tell us to react immediately. He opens our eyes to the patterns and the motivations that sustain them and invites us to surrender instead of fighting for power. Why? Because God’s love always chooses to endure and that endurance provides an everlasting power that we cannot find on our own. With God, we are not required to be a slave to our pain. He never fights us nor flees us. He never leaves nor forsakes us even though he knows why we do so to him. His love endures, and He will walk with us as we painfully learn to live life in His unfailing love. (Deuteronomy 31:6)    

Think It Not Strange

I once stubbed my toe in my backyard. It was on a raised piece of concrete that I did not see but it was always there. I stubbed my toe so hard, I think I saw stars. I had to take several deep breaths to regroup; the pain was intense.

As I dealt with the pain, it reminded me of another type of suffering we go through - the trials and tribulations of life: taking a stand for the right thing and being alienated, the car not starting, insufficient funds, dealing with tough problems at work, dealing with difficult people, poor health. There are tons of trials in this life that happen to each of us, sometimes through no fault of our own.

That pain gave me clarity (and made me write this post). Though it seemed intense initially, over time it subsided and I learned to deal with the pain until it passed. Pain does not last forever but in the moment it felt like an eternity.

The English word 'pain' probably comes from Old French (peine), Latin (poena - meaning punishment pain), or Ancient Greek (poine - a word more related to penalty), or a combination of all three. Pain is usually an indicator that something may be wrong and in medical parlance it can be throbbing, chronic, acute, steady, pinching, etc.
As it related to my toe, I could have some degree of solace because I knew it would eventually subside and it did; that's the equivalent of accepting and rejoicing in your suffering.

The pain due to suffering because it's part of life is no different; suffering because of who we are as Christians is almost to be expected.
First, it's not strange. So we should stop questioning why things happen to us.
Second, trials make us stronger; they make us think differently, they make us resourceful.
Thirdly, they ultimately draw us closer to God.

The pain eventually subsided, just like most trials and I was wiser for the experience. I am now keenly aware of that rise in the concrete and will do all I can to never stub my toe again. But it just may happen again, and if it does I am now better prepared. Like the pain from a stubbed toe, your fiery trial won't last forever. It may seem intense as you're going through, it will force you to stop and breathe and it will eventually end.

Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you.  

Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

If you are insulted because you bear the name of Christ, you will be blessed, for the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you. 

If you suffer, however, it must not be for murder, stealing, making trouble, or prying into other people’s affairs. 

But it is no shame to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God for the privilege of being called by his name! 1Peter 4:12-16 [NLT]

How do you handle the fiery trials in your life?