My Son and Me

This post catches me by surprise as I never expected to have this depth of emotion around the relationship I have with my son. My son already holds a special place in my heart as he was my first child and he is the only boy. My son introduced me to motherhood, and it was a really pleasant introduction. I've never had complicated pregnancies or deliveries; as a matter of fact, I gave birth to all 4 children without any pain meds (I'm either strong or stupid!). When I had my son, I can't say I knew what love was immediately, but over time I learned.

My son was a pleasant baby with an easy going disposition. He was always a foodie who ate well. As a matter of fact, because I was a new mother and he was a good eater, I didn't introduce foods properly so when he developed allergies, I was never sure what he was allergic

Don't Let Another Wounded Soldier Die

The Girl - this is what she became.  She no longer had a name - everyone called her The Girl.  The Girl attended church and was a member of the Youth Choir.  The Youth Choir really blessed others when they sang, but as these things go, not everyone believed or lived what they sang.  The choir director could only do so much to ascertain a person's spiritual condition.

The Girl got pregnant. They were many cries of "How could this happen?"  "She sang every Sunday", and "Oh my goodness."  To hear it being told all of the ones condemning her were near perfect in their youth and never made any mistakes.  The Girl left the church and as far as I knew never came back.

On Being a Wife - Job's Wife

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"Why don't you curse God and die?" This is what Job's wife said to Job at the height of his suffering. Job had recently lost his livestock, his children, and his health. Job's wife was there as he was going through all of his losses, because she also lost possessions and her children also, but not her health. The loss of her children would be just as painful as the loss of Job's health; she was suffering in conjunction with Job.

Curse God and die - was this the raging of a mad woman or someone who was overly concerned for her husband?

If God knew Job was a righteous man, surely his wife knew. She knew his heart. Seeing him at his lowest point and not being able to do anything for him, she probably blurted out what she thought would release him from his misery - death. And since Job was so righteous the only sure fire way that she could think of for death to occur would be to curse God, anger God, reject the very deity that Job has been so faithful to his whole life; because in her grief, she had a warped view of God.

But Job's response indicated that he knew that she wasn't literally suggesting he do so - he said she speaks like a foolish woman, not that she was a foolish woman. Job knew his wife was not a foolish woman but again in her grief, she sounded like something she was not. Job was a smart man and recognized that. Because whatever his response and reaction to her, the Bible says, "In all of this Job sinned not."  He didn't sin in his response to her.  Sometimes in wanting the best for our spouses and doing all that we can but yet not feeling their pain, our anguished thoughts may not come out as clearly as they should. According to Job's wife, death would release Job from his suffering.

The Bible doesn't indicate that Job's wife suffered a greater fate for her words, and we know that Job was restored and went on to have ten more children. When we are suffering in marriage, the whole unit suffers, but we may not always express ourselves poignantly in our deepest grief to each other. This is where knowing each other's heart and having a solid foundation is important. This is why you never stop talking and communicating with each other.

If you've lashed out at your spouse because of their pain, I hope your spouse receives it in the spirit it was intended. I hope they understand that it pains you to see them suffer and if you could you would do anything humanly possible to stop their pain. I hope they don't respond in kind to you. I hope you get the opportunity to come back and clearly express yourself and perhaps ask forgiveness. Tricky times wreak havoc, but let's use it to come together, not pull apart. .

But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong. Job 2:10 [NLT]

What can you learn from Job's wife?

Walk In My Shoes

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We all need to try to do it, but it's not something that we can do successfully for we are all different. I think the initial impetus for the statement was to prevent anyone from being so quick to pass judgement (in a negative way). There's that word judgement. Because apparently if you walk a mile in some one's shoes and you come to a different conclusion other than the one they came to, you are judging.

I don't always need to walk a mile in some one's shoes to understand their predicament. I don't need to do drugs to know that they're bad, I don't need to touch a hot stove to know I will be burned, and I don't need to steal bread to know it's wrong, even if I'm hungry. Walking in some one's shoes comes in to play when you analyze the events leading up to a situation.

And this is where I say, "There but for the grace of God......" I've been angry and I've had thoughts I shouldn't have; I might have done things out of sheer desperation. But something stopped me. I didn't do it.

It doesn't make me better than you, it makes me human and it makes me empathetic.

I can sympathize with a lot of things. We live in a flawed world and the more I talk and interact with people, practically nothing surprises me in terms of what people will do. But that does not always mean actions are justified - if that were the case, our prisons would be empty.

No it means, there is a standard. There is a right and there's a wrong and regardless of if I walked in your shoes or not, there was a choice to be made in how to proceed.

We commend people when they do the unexpected, and we condemn them for being the base humans they are.

Walking in someone shoes can be helpful but it does not provide the arbiter of how to deal with a situation. It only provides a window in to how they were thinking and what they were feeling at the time. And then. you being you, get to decide differently.  You may speak about it or write about it, but everyone won't be on your side and that's fine.

I'm not discouraging trying to understand others by walking in their shoes, but if they come to a different outcome, put the shoe on the other foot and walk in their shoes. Please walk in my shoes, if you can. I'll understand if you don't or can't. Honestly, just listen, try to understand and acknowledge regardless of if you've walked in my shoes or not. We all need grace.

You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. Luke 6:36 (NLT)

Do you walk in other's shoes?