Lent, Ash Wednesday, Etc.

Today is my son's 24th birthday.

Today is the 4 yr anniversary of my brother's death. That means it's about 4 years since I've been blogging. I never knew I'd still be here.

Today is also Ash Wednesday, which takes me back to my childhood in the Bahamas. I went to a Catholic School - St. George's. On this day, we would all go forward and the priest would put a mark on my forehead. It had no significance to me back then and to be honest it doesn't hold any today. I don't usually give up anything for Lent, but at this time of year I become very reflective thinking about the past, the present and the future.

According to the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus Christ spent 40 days fasting in the desert, where he endured temptation by Satan. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of this 40-day liturgical period of prayer and fasting or abstinence. Ash Wednesday derives its name from the practice of placing ashes (formally called The Imposition of Ashes) on the foreheads of adherents as a celebration and reminder of human mortality, and as a sign of mourning and repentance to God. The ashes used are typically gathered from the burning of the palms from the previous year's Palm Sunday. Ashes were used in ancient times to express mourning. Dusting oneself with ashes was the penitent's way of expressing sorrow for sins and faults. [source: wikipedia.org]

Lent is a solemn religious observance in the liturgical calendar of many Christian denominations that begins on Ash Wednesday and covers a period of approximately six weeks before Easter Day. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, alms-giving, atonement and self-denial. Its institutional purpose is heightened in the annual commemoration of Holy Week, marking the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the tradition and events of the New Testament beginning on Friday of Sorrows, further climaxing on Jesus' crucifixion on Good Friday, which ultimately culminates in the joyful celebration on Easter Sunday of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. [source: wikipedia.org]

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For a large part of the world this day is huge - it's even a holiday in certain countries. Though many are not deeply religious the day still holds some significance and many give up something that's considered a great sacrifice for Lent. I found this interesting article on Bible Gateway.

What Twitter is Giving Up for Lent

Are you giving up something for Lent? So are thousands of Twitter users—and Stephen Smith has crunched the data to show us the top 100 things Twitter users are giving up during Lent. Here are the top twenty, followed by the number of tweets mentioning each one this week); as you can see, there are a few joke items in the list, but most are in line with expectations:

1. chocolate (6,313 tweets)
2. twitter (5,643)
3. school (4,638)
4. alcohol (3,782)
5. swearing (3,620)
6. social networking (3,032)
7. soda (2,840)
8. sweets (2,432)
9. fast food (2,238)
10. lent (1,597)
11. coffee (1,558)
12. junk food (1,545)
13. meat (1,517)
14. chips (1,442)
15. homework (1,299)
16. sex (1,289)
17. bread (1,263)
18. facebook (1,162)
19. you (984)
20. pizza (888)

So Happy Birthday son and keep smiling big brother. Today may be a good day to give up something and start anew. Because, life can change in an instant.

Any surprises on that list? Are you giving up something on that list during Lent? Does this day hold additional significance for you?

25 on 25 - Romance is NOT Dead!

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After 25 years, anything can get stale and romance is no exception.  As young newlyweds we could NOT be a part from each other - it was the farthest thing from either of our minds.

There was a time when we were visiting an aunt, and we were sitting so close to each other on the sofa you would've thought the other part was dirty.  Even she made a cute comment.

Any how life happens. Frequencies change. Bodies morph in to shapeless blobs (or not). Perspectives change.

We're working hard, having children, and juggling all of our responsibilities.

One of the beautiful things about a long marriage is that no matter what, you have each other and you know how to make each other smile, or put a twinkle in the eye.

But sometimes it feels like you should try something new.

So there was one time when we were both trying to up our romance game and we went to a popular marriage site.  My husband tried buying flowers for me once a week, and while I appreciated the gesture I told him he didn't have to do it anymore - I knew he loved me. He was doing it because he thought it would make me happy.  I was happy but the flowers weren't making me happier and it became a waste.
I also tried making a candlelight dinner at a popular romantic's suggestion.  I did that ONCE - maybe I should do it again.

If it feels forced, it takes away the romance factor.  So for us it's the little things - cooking a special meal because someone likes it, buying dinner because I'm too tired, doing the dishes, telling a joke and the other laughing, having an inside joke, a special look shared just by the two of us, hugging in the parking lot.

Because when you get right down to it, we may be old but we are not cold!!!!

That's us!

Thoughts on Moving - Location, Location, Location

Yesterday at church we chatted with a couple that have lived in Los Angeles all of their lives. As someone who had lived here all of his life he mentioned that he was surprised that Angelenos appear to be insular; and he couldn't figure out why that appeared to be so. He came to this conclusion after his house was broken in to while he was on vacation. This incident forced him and his wife to come out of their comfort zone and chat with their neighbors but it seems like the neighbors were quite comfortable in their boxes. No one saw anything suspicious activity around their house while they were gone. It almost seems as if most of the neighbors were truly minding their own business. Since the break in they've made an effort to connect with their neighbors.

We debated the merits of why the locals seem to stick to themselves, but came up with no good answers.

Later that day, I decided to talk to a neighbor. It's LA, so there's always something being filmed. The whole neighborhood received notices that the reality show "I Hate My Yard" was being filmed on our block. So we all knew which house it was (not because the yard was ugly, but because the notice stated the address). Being curious, I started to talk to this particular neighbor and she invited me over to see what the show had done so far. As we were leaving her yard, she saw my Little One on her scooter and recognized her from school. It turns out they both knew each other.

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All  of this got me thinking about insularity:

• Someone has got to be brave and say hello first. 
• People are usually really welcoming if you are friendly. 
• You might not get a connection the first time but you have to be persistent, especially if it's who you are. 
• It's worth it in the long run. 
• People may have built walls around themselves and perhaps have forgotten the reasons why. 
• It's easy to stay to yourself, harder to reach out, but more rewarding. 
• We won't know what each person is going through until we start talking to them. 
• At their core most people want to connect. 
• Life is more fun with friendly neighbors.

If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”[a] you are doing right. James 2:8 (NIV)

Do you know your neighbors? Do you make an effort to connect with them? Why would an entire town, village, etc be known as being insular?

Parental Pressure

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When I was a child it did not seem such a big deal or a self-esteem crusher if my parents did not attend my events at school. I can count on one hand the number of times my parents came to a track meet; and when they came, I can't honestly say that it mattered. I performed no better or worse than if they were not there.

Fast forward to when I became a parent. Apparently it is expected that we attend ALL of our children's events, and participate in ALL of their activities. If you have more than one child, just imagine. Each time I go to another recital, another spring concert, another open house, all I can think of is sacrifice. While I dearly love my children I do not think it makes me a better parent if I attend every event, nor do I think it damages a child's self-esteem if I don't. Nowadays, we are also expected to sit down each night and do homework. When I was a child I do not remember my parents doing homework with me; yet I was a straight A student.

Annually, at the Little One's school each student is required to do a science project. Every year, without fail the parents are pulled in to this endeavor and there is some underlying resentment on the parents' part. I remember making fossils as a child (one of my only science projects). I remember having to buy ingredients and my mom not knowing what the items were. I remember following the directions to make the fossils and my mom being mildly amused as I actually made the fossils. Her input was to buy the products, the rest was up to me and this is exactly how I try to approach these projects, though I have to admit in prior years I have put so much pressure on myself, the project felt like mine. On top of all of this, sometimes the school did reward the parents' effort, but more often than not, it was the child who did all the work himself that got the better grade - the child whose board did not look perfect but could articulate what he did. So it seems we are driving ourselves crazy so that we as parents can have bragging rights. When you think about it, that’s not the point.

I'm saying all this to say, as parents we have to draw a line. Yes, we want our children to succeed but their success is not because we did it for them, but because they did it. It is our job to nurture, and provide guidance and then step back and let them learn. As in science projects and life - we can't do it for them.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness. Titus 2:7 NIV

Have you caved in to parental pressure? Do you allow your child to do all of their work or do you "help?" How do you feel when your child earns a good grade with your help?