I've Been Thinking - Part 1

I started writing this post approximately two years ago. I've never shared anything this personal but now feels like a good time to do so. I don't know when Part 2 will be published.

I became a Christian at the age of eight. It was during our church's annual crusade. One particular night the words of Pastor Tom Roberts pricked my heart. At the end of the crusade, all who made a decision to follow Christ were baptized at a local beach. To this day, I still remember being at the beach (I assumed my parents took me) and being baptized. I remember feeling like a "new" person, if that is possible for an 8-year-old. But more than that, I remember the next day at school, a classmate

Woman of the Word - My Mother

If you stay open and allow yourself to experience everything you feel, you just may realize your emotional capacity. The reality is I miss my mother. We weren't always close in that classic mother-daughter sense or the way I am with my daughters because we came at this thing called life differently. From what she shared of her upbringing with me over time it wasn't idyllic, and some parts were hard. It was hard for me to hear but also hard for her to live through. It gave me a new appreciation for my mother.

When I got married and eventually became a mother, I realized that I am who I am because of my mother. I was strict - because of my mother. I was frank and blunt - because of my mother. I was exacting - because of my mother. I liked all of those things. I disliked that I was a yeller - because of my mother. The yelling forced me to become introspective and separate the good from the bad; because overall my mother was a good mother.

And then when I was tired as a mother and only because I was a mother, I realized my mother must have also been exhausted, often.

Ten Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children

You've raised them, and the hard work is over. It's 'me time.' You now get to relax and live your life. Variations of these themes exist for parents who have raised children, but this is never the reality. While the early years may be labor intensive, the latter years are emotionally taxing and take an equal toll on you. As adults, our control decreases but we have a more significant opportunity for positive influence. With the backdrop of prayer, we can navigate the seasons of our lives with success.

The Mentors We Need as Mothers

My phone seems to have a mind of its own where it inadvertently dials random people at improbable times. One morning I noticed that it had dialed Barb.  About an hour later Barb called back, and we had a divinely inspired conversation.

You know those older women mentioned in Titus 2:3-5? Barb is one of those women; a teacher of good things. She has an unpretentious manner which makes you share without being judged; you just feel loved. We talked about parenting grown children - does it ever end? She understood what I meant.  We spoke about Proverbs 22:6 - training up a child in the way they should go and when they are old. I shared that sometimes I don't have the fortitude to withstand the training up, and then the gap of time as it

My Son and Me

This post catches me by surprise as I never expected to have this depth of emotion around the relationship I have with my son. My son already holds a special place in my heart as he was my first child and he is the only boy. My son introduced me to motherhood, and it was a really pleasant introduction. I've never had complicated pregnancies or deliveries; as a matter of fact, I gave birth to all 4 children without any pain meds (I'm either strong or stupid!). When I had my son, I can't say I knew what love was immediately, but over time I learned.

My son was a pleasant baby with an easy going disposition. He was always a foodie who ate well. As a matter of fact, because I was a new mother and he was a good eater, I didn't introduce foods properly so when he developed allergies, I was never sure what he was allergic

Time for a New Start

All of a sudden, August 14th seems to be the date when most schools resume all over these United States (did you catch the irony in the name of this country? I digress). The Little One started high school on Monday and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. She is my late in life child, the child of my old age, our surprise blessing. Prior to discovering I was pregnant with her, I was seeing my way across the finish line and looking forward to a respite from childrearing. This time, I'm much closer, and there will be no surprises.

She started High School with all of its promises of new beginnings, experiences, and excitement. As an older parent, I'm there for her but I'm also nudging her to embrace the good that High School has to offer. As I've prayed for all of my children, I'm more cognizant of how to intercede for her in light of what's happening around us.

I pray for peace; I pray that she has a peaceful disposition and that she is a peacemaker.
I pray that she has no anxiety and that when she becomes uneasy, she is reassured that she need not be anxious about anything.
I pray for favor with her teachers, guidance counselors, administration and any position of authority that she interacts with.
I pray that she is surrounded by good friends and that she is a bright light to all; that her light will shine.
I pray for protection from people and things that mean her harm.
I pray for bravery to combat injustice and to speak up as needed.
I pray for wisdom and discernment.
I pray for determination and strength as there will be things that she will just have to persevere through - whether it's dealing with a tough project, making a team or short-sightedness on her part.
I pray for memory to recall God's word that is hidden in her heart; to recall what she has studied.
I pray that she will be a friend to the friendless.I pray that she exudes joy.

I have prayed a variation of these prayers for my children daily as they navigated the halls of learning and will continue to do so. I found these scripture bracelets on Groupon and got her one with her favorite verse on it so she could have a visual reminder of God's promises.

We're all in need of fresh starts. This country is in need of a fresh start, just as the thousands of students who start school annually. In the midst of transition let's not forget the importance of prayer. At the beginning of this school year, let's take a moment to pray for our children, their teachers, their schools, their communities, their homes, their countries. Perhaps the Little Ones, empowered by love from praying parents, can truly initiate the fresh start we all need.

Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Always be joyful. 

Never stop praying. 

1 Thessalonians 5:14-17

It's time for a new start; start with prayer.

--Nylse

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Mothers, Daughters and Self-Image

Eating disorders are pervasive in our current culture, and there was a time when it seemed to reach epidemic proportions. I wondered what part, if any, does a parent play, in particular, a mother, when it comes to body image disorders such as anorexia and bulimia which overwhelmingly affect females.

Research indicates that there seems to be a correlation between a mother's fixation with her image which may unintentionally send the wrong message to a child especially if she has a different body type. But then there are also cases where a mother didn't send a negative message yet the daughter still ended up with an eating disorder.

For myself, I cannot say that my mother ever made a fuss about her body image or her weight - she had other pressing matters to deal with like keeping house and ensuring her large family was happy. I was a very skinny girl, and my mother was not. I distinctly remember having a class assignment where we had to create a healthy diet. Working with my mother, we created the following menu: Breakfast - Bacon, Eggs, Bakes (Pancakes) and Orange Juice. Lunch: Rice and Beans, Chicken, Plantains, and Coleslaw. Supper: A Corned Beef Sandwich and Tea.

When I submitted this assignment to my teacher, I distinctly remember the teacher looking at this 'diet' in disbelief and then giving me the once over and deciding it was OK. I was unbelievably skinny, and everything in this menu was meant to fatten me up.  BTW I ate like a horse and still didn't gain weight; I was 99 pounds when I got married at 22 and after the honeymoon had gained a whopping 6 pounds. Finally, I had cleared the 100-pound milestone!!!!

I knew I was skinny because I was teased for it at school but I was never made to feel sorry for it at home nor did I ever feel bad because of my weight. My mother was not slim, and she carried herself well, so I never thought negatively or had any thoughts about her weight. She also didn't make any comments within my hearing regarding her appearance or her weight. But as I had children and heard what other mothers were saying about weight gain etc., I became conscious about weight - mine, and others. My daughters have always known that I prided myself on the way I look, but I wasn't overbearing with it. They've heard me say I feel fat without being anywhere near fat. As a mother, I had to be responsible for my words and actions yet still be a person. As it related to food consumption, I made food choices early on for the family that they didn't have a say in, based on what I thought was best. For example, I never bought sodas, focused on fruits and vegetables, and only bought wheat bread. This is what they knew, and this was their routine.

I became conscious of how I spoke to my daughters about weight and body image. The older they got, the greater wisdom I had to exercise especially if this was a touchy area. Sometimes I said nothing, and if I said anything, it was minimal. I'd seen other parents lose this battle and I learned that I had to pick my battles. Weight gain or weight loss, I still wanted my children to feel accepted and loved. Apparently, I wasn't always successful at this, because to a young child, a critique may seem like a deadly blow. One of my daughters told me many years later that I made her feel insecure because of her weight when she was much younger, but somehow it didn't lead to a downward spiral of an eating disorder. Maybe I knew to stop, perhaps she knew that she was worthwhile, or maybe it was a combination of both. Maybe in all of these maybes, God was in the mix providing wisdom, understanding, discernment, and grace.

There's a balance to how we do this, but even if we do everything right, we still don't know how it will be received by the child. That's the challenge of parenting. Ultimately I had to know that I was worthy, not because of how I looked or felt but because I was loved by God. This love gave me worth and confidence which my children could emulate and which I could pass on. I think this was my mother's secret and it became mine. It can be summed up in this quote by Naomi Wolf,  "A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem," with a caveat that the Source of this self-love is very important.

Young minds are particularly susceptible to the lies of the enemy and eating disorders are behaviors controlled by lies that show up in their approach to food. Am I saying that if you are anchored in Christ, you are immune from having a daughter that struggles with these issues? No, but what I have seen in my own life is that this makes a huge difference. A mother knowing Whose she is and who she is makes an imperceptible distinction to her daughter.

The enemy of our souls won't quit - so he may not get his hooks in to create full-blown eating disorders, but he'll keep trying. As Christian mothers, we have a power that can defeat the enemy. We have to believe it, tap into it, and use it. Perhaps with the strength of the scriptures, one less daughter will fall into an eating disorder.

God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalms 34:18

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Proverbs 28:13

There's no age limit on any of these verses. To deal with anything, you must first acknowledge that it exists. Start there, then reach out to others around you until you have the resources and strength that you need. Please don't believe the lies that lead to an eating disorder; starving the body to control the mind does not provide a balance of health and well-being and doesn't give the answers that started you down this path. God created you to fulfill His purpose through you, so know that self-inflicted pain is no way to live. God wants you to thrive while you're alive, not live a life of lack because you are trying to control your body. Turn over the controls to Him. 

--Nylse

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What's With the Whining?

What's with the men of Ephraim? In Judges 8:1 the men of Ephraim asked Gideon "Why did you fight the Midianites and didn't call us?" Recall that Gideon asked for men to fight and received a huge response - 32,000 men. It's highly implausible that the men of Ephraim were excluded from this call. Gideon handled their question with tact and diplomacy and diffused what could have become an ugly situation.

In Judges 12, they made a similar accusation to Jephthah - "Why'd you fight the children of Ammon and not tell us?" They also threatened to burn Jephthah's house down.

Jephthah seems to be a no-nonsense, cut to the chase kind of guy because he responded by saying, "I called for you and you didn't help, so God helped and delivered me."

Then Jephthah ended this nonsense once for all - he and his men fought against the men of Ephraim. Apparently, the men of  Ephraim were better talkers than fighters for the scripture gives the impression that they were easily captured. Even in war,  the men of Ephraim tried to be coy and evasive but Jephthah was one step ahead of them. He asked the Ephraimites to pronounce Shibboleth knowing that most of them did not pronounce the h due to a regional dialect. (It would be the equivalent of asking someone to pronounce tomato - depending on where you are from you would pronounce it differently). If you said Sibboleth it identified you as an Ephraimite and you met your end that day. 42,000 Ephraimites were killed that day and we never hear of the men of Ephraim complaining again.

According to 'Psychology Today' whining is when the dissatisfaction voiced is trivial or inconsequential and not worthy of special attention. There is a distinction between complaining and whining; whining is worse. Complaining involves voicing fair and legitimate dissatisfaction with the goal of attaining a resolution or remedy. When we voice legitimate dissatisfaction but do so without the goal of attaining a resolution we are merely venting.

The Ephraimites were cowards and chronic complainers who spoke up after the fact. This type makes leadership challenging because as a leader you have to assess the validity of a whiner's complaint and then determine how to address it. Gideon diffused it but Jephthah got rid of it. Instead of whining after the fact, state your case and your willingness to assist, when plans are being made so that it is clear what your motives are and where your heart lies. Complaining and whining especially after the fact can lead to unintended dire consequences. Whining can wear a leader out - think parent and child or team leader and team members. A whiner is not usually viewed in a positive light. As a parent, if you have a child that's a constant whiner, it wears on you (and of course we can't handle our whining child like Jephthah did though a similar thought may run across our minds (but that may just be me)).

There's another interesting lesson here - you are known by how you speak. I have an accent, so when I speak one of the first questions asked is "Where am I from?" This is a loaded question because I'm often not sure how to initially respond.  As humans when we interact with a youngster who speaks well and does not whine we almost automatically wonder who is this child and who are his parents. You want to see the source of the child's behavior; in the same manner, our speech should shine as Christians. As a Christian, you can be clearly identified by how you speak.

Jephthah judged Israel for 6 years - one of the shortest on record, and then he died.

If you are a whiner, sincerely submit this to Lord. This may be a hard habit to change but you may benefit sooner than you anticipate as whining endears you to no one. As a leader, be prayerful and mindful as you determine the best course of action for dealing with whiners.

The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you. Matthew 12:37

Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. 

Matthew 7:20

Are you a whiner? If you're a whiner, why do you whine? As a leader, how do you diffuse whining?

--Nylse

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Mornings With Children

It seems that no matter how much you plan, organize and strategize mornings with children can sometimes be chaotic. Since the Little One missed a week of school she has had to make up a boatload of schoolwork. (BTW, what's the point of missing school due to an excused absence and still having to make up all the work? Isn't that why it was excused?! rant over).

On Friday she found out that she had to do a project in a weekend that everyone in the class had at least two weeks to do. She decided that she would tackle this project and get it done. I don't know if you know, but 8th-grade work nowadays is not like when you and I were in school. They're expected to know how to use technology well and incorporate into their assignments.  She's done more PowerPoint's at 13 than I did at 20. What was a PowerPoint back then?! (Second rant over.) Of course, there's always the Mac vs PC argument, and this teacher wanted the assignment completed in Keynote which is the Mac version of PowerPoint. Well, we're not a Mac house, so that's that. Anyhow she does the Keynote part of the project on her phone very tediously and eventually gets frustrated. The first part was to write a 600-word report.

This morning she wakes up and realizes that there is a capability in PowerPoint to add a voice recording, so she attempts to complete the presentation this morning. Let me add the presentation was completed but part of the assignment was to record an interview as part of the presentation. (As I type this, this all seems a bit much for one weekend.) So she was going to record the interview this morning, This recording took at least 5 minutes. She did it once, she did it twice, she even attempted it a third time but it would not work. Each time she played back the presentation the recording was not included.

It is now 7:50 and we must leave because school starts at 8. She eats breakfast in the car as I drive to school.

She is so sad as she gets to school. She asks, "Why do I miss her so much?" She is just a mess and I pray with her and let her know that she can take her time. We hug for a while until she eventually regroups. She eventually gets out of the car, and I continue to pray as I make my way home.

Even without the specter of grief, mornings can be crazy. I know that she has to go through this and I'll do my best to continue to guide, support and comfort her. Sometimes in spite of our best efforts, things fall apart in the morning. Laundry is misplaced or worse no clean underwear; can't find a shoe or a book that's needed that day;  lunch is forgotten;  homework did not make it to the book bag. There's so much that can go wrong.

As a mother I've learned to take it easy, because unfortunately yelling or making empty threats just does not help....at all. Also, if I wake up early before all this mayhem, I'm better equipped to deal with it. Thankfully, this is not every day or even most days.

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. Jeremiah 31:3[NLT]
I hope tomorrow brings a better morning.

#Encouragement

When I keep encouragement in mind I'm reminded to reposition my thoughts and my words so that they can encourage another. We all need encouragement and some of us need it more than others, because we are wired to be encouraged and acknowledged.

The folks who are called needy probably never received the "ments" they needed - acknowledgement and encouragement.

You see when I was growing up I did not receive much verbal encouragement from my parents. A lot of time was spent on pointing out what wasn't done up to standard. While well-meaning, to a child all they may hear is discouragement - yet another ment. I thought I was impervious to the detrimental effects of not having received verbal encouragement at the frequency I would have liked until I had my children. At some point, I realized the damaging impact of not focusing on encouragement.

For example - one day I asked one of my children to dust while I was away. When I came home, she was quite happy that she did what I asked. But the first thing I did was point out the little spot she missed. Burst her bubble. Imagine this feeling compounded over a childhood; over a lifetime. I could have acknowledged that she did a good job, while also encouraging her and then pointed out the tiny flaw after, instead I did the opposite, and for a long time I focused on the tiny flaw. My children and I have a great relationship - if we didn't there's no way I would have known what I did then, and how it impacted her. Hearing their perspective is a constant reminder of why encouragement is so necessary.

Encouragement is like salve on a wound; it is  soothing, provides healing, is comforting, and uplifting. Encouragement shows that someone believes in you; someone knows your worth. Someone sees in you what you cannot see.

I want to always write as an encourager. I want you to know that I believe in the best in you. I want you to receive the encouragement I give. I also write as a reminder to myself, to always try to reposition my thoughts so that I encourage.

That's why every post is write has the hashtag encouragement.

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 [NLT]

Are you an encourager? How do you encourage others?

I Will Not Live In Fear; Here's Why

As a mother of a black son living in America, I could have succumbed to fear a long time ago. When you're constantly bombarded with news of black men suffering excruciatingly at the hands of police officers, it can do something to your psyche. When every shooting seems to justify the blatant disregard for life, it hurts. When one is indeed innocent, that message gets lost in the black and white story. This is not a new phenomenon, though in the past week it seems to have reached a boiling point. Within my circle of close friends and family, most of the men have a story of being wrongly stopped by police - within their neighborhoods, on their way home, and when they least expected. I won't sit here and tell you what to do and how to act when stopped by the police, for though that is good, that too has its flaws.

From the time of my son's birth to the present, I've had an opportunity to be fearful or faith full. I choose to live by faith and not by fear. Living by fear makes you paranoid; makes you skittish; makes you not trust others, torments you in your dark hours. You can't relax whenever your child or husband leaves the house, and while it's normal to a degree for parents to worry, this degree of worry is sickening; it literally can make you sick.

I choose to live by faith grounded in God's word. It's a faith in God that gives me courage; it's a faith that gives wisdom; it's a faith that gives strength. When I was afraid for my son, I prayed and God gave me peace. The more I prayed, the more peace I received. My son one day told me, "Mummy, you don't have to live in fear." That statement combined with my prayers gave me more peace than I can put into words.

I would encourage mothers to pray - but not with resignation but with an expectation that God will protect our boys and men. God will change hearts of those in authority. God will remove the systemic blocks that are in place in our society. God will raise up leaders, mothers, you and me to affect change in our society. We can't do it in our own strength; as we look around we can see the fruits of that. But with God guiding us, a different day is coming.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1 [KJV]

Ye that fear the Lord, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield. Psalms 115:11 [KJV]

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? Psalms 118:6 [KJV]

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 [KJV]

Fear or Faith? How are you coping?

Random Thoughts

We had a deadline at work recently. Riddle me this - if everyone knows a deadline is coming months in advance, why do we wait until the last minute to get everything done? Since my completion now depends on your schedule, the one that's filled with panic - my output is now in a panic driven schedule vs a realistic one. I really don't understand this at all. I prefer to approach deadlines like this: "I love deadlines, I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” - Douglas Adams

My body is transitioning - as I approach the half-century mark sometimes I'm amazed and sometimes I'm saddened. It's amazing what the body can do - I can still run, move, lift weights and apparently could pass for someone half my age.  However, these hormones...these hormones! I can see how they can drive a sane person mad.  May they stabilize soon.

Crossroads - the way my life looks today is not what I anticipated it would look like. Well, that sounds worse than it actually is. I am so happy with my children and the people that they are. I revel in the fact that we can have conversations, real conversations. I'm glad that I'm on the other side of parenthood where I'm no longer responsible for molding and shaping but am now able to see the results of what was poured into our children.  I have a daughter that lives out of state who has no qualms about calling me in the middle of the day to ask me the most random and inane questions. Love this! I have two adult children who are still at home but we are traversing this new path with more success than failure. And in the mix is the Little One, who is now 13. Some days my life feels like a TV sitcom where we all have fun together.

My husband is a great father to our children in that he has strong principles that are the foundation of his life and he has been able to pass these on to our children. My husband loves to talk and he has no greater joy than talking with his children and hearing their thoughts. But he too is learning that we've raised some pretty well-adjusted adults and they don't always need advice, just a listening ear.

So perhaps I never expected these outcomes, but I'll take them. What I will say about what I thought my life would look like is simply this - some dreams just have not come true as yet.

When I read the newspaper and see the things that happen, sometimes all I can say is, "There but for the grace of God." Because I honestly don't know why some children end up in cages at zoos, or why some are eaten by alligators or why some are shot. I'll never know why things happen the way they do and I'll never know why we were spared from certain things.

We're all living in this world trying to make it through. Everyone knows you can't do this thing called life alone. It starts with a village but it doesn't end there. Trust in someone bigger than you so you can have the peace and the wisdom to traverse this life successfully no matter what comes your way. Trust in God.

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. 1 Chronicles 16:11 [NLT]

Curious to know, what's happening with you?

Work Life Balance

On the fourth Thursday of each April, more than 37 million Americans at over 3.5 million workplaces participate in "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day."(source: Forbes.com)

This year marks the program’s twenty-first anniversary. Initially, this day was called "Take Our Daughters to Work Day," but then it was recognized that parents, not just mothers, probably wanted to model working for their children, not just their daughters. Regardless of what is called, when I worked in corporate America I found this day very interesting.

First, companies embraced it with gusto and planned activities for children and even provided childcare. Then the gusto faded - and as an employee, it was OK to have your children with you on this day. It wasn't an off day as you were at work, but how much work got accomplished was anyone's guess. I don't know what happens nowadays since I currently work from home or consult.

Ironically, when children were at work it was harder to work. Depending on the age of your children, it was hard for them to grasp the concept that you sitting at your desk and "working" was actually work. For example, they did not get all the details that went into making a decision, so there were questions and other interruptions. The organization I worked with pampered the kids - they had the best chocolate chip cookies and fun activities throughout the day. My children were well behaved (and cute) so other adults wanted to engage them in conversation. The mother in me would encourage the conversation while at the same time being wary of kids being kids. Work-life balance was not achieved on this day.

The premise of this day may be convoluted but the old adage,"children learn what they live," is true; children model the behaviors we have demonstrated for them in all areas - not just at home or at work.

I grew up in the Bahamas and this day did not exist back then. My father was the Foreman/Manager at the Bahamas Electric Company. He had a good rapport with his employees for as children we knew many of them by name. Oftentimes they would pick us up and drive us to school. It was then we realized how well-respected he was. I never went to his place of work but the way he spoke about his job and the respect shown to him by his employees were indicators that he enjoyed what he did. He was also generally happy in those days. On the other hand, my mom stayed home. My primary impressions of my mom were that she was a hard worker - she was not lazy; she was resourceful and she loved to sew. My mother seemed happiest at her sewing machine. I absorbed the skill of sewing from my mom. I think at one point my mother also attended secretarial school. One of the skills she learned was shorthand. She taught me shorthand;I wish I still remembered it today. I learned important lessons from my parents and how they handled work. My parents were aspirational - I saw from their example that a willingness to work opened up a world of possibilities.

Work is a part of life; it's not only something that you do outside of the home. Work is valuable and its worth is seen in how we are compensated. When children are very young, as a mother, work-life balance seems to be in the forefront of your brain. Everyone struggles with finding a balance but men view work-life balance differently from women. Many women are often thinking of tasks to be done even while at work. I hear it's no easier being a SAHM (so as an aside, I wish the motherhood wars would end; there's no need to pit moms against each other and it's even worse when it comes from other Christians). But children grow up and the balance shifts over time.

You are responsible for your life and therefore how you balance your priorities. It's nice to have companies recognize that striking a balance is important, but it's even more important that you do so.

My priorities start with God, and then I would say everything else falls into place. If I were a bit more specific I think it might look something like this: God, Me, Family, and Everything else.  My faith is central to who I am, so if God is not first in my life, I don't know where or what I would be. He's been first in my life for a long time and that's not changing. But I've noticed that when I don't prioritize myself, many of the other priorities fall apart. Over time I've learned how important it is to take care of me. This may be  oversimplified, but this is how I attempt to achieve the ever elusive work-life balance.

Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33 [NLT]

And yet, 

“Better to have one handful with quietness

than two handfuls with hard work

and chasing the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6 [NLT]

How do you achieve a semblance of balance? What were your experiences with "Take Our Children to Work Day?"

The Sounds of Home

Without fail, by 10 o'clock on most nights, my body decides it has had enough for the day and shuts down. If I'm on the couch all of a sudden I am sound asleep. Last night I fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. I kept going in and out of sleep until I finally went to my bed. At some point, before I went into deep REM sleep, I heard the sound of a guitar and beautiful singing accompanying it. I smiled and thought about all the sounds that emanate from a home and what they mean.

As a newlywed, it was just me and my husband enjoying each other's company. I learned he was a movie buff, and so I broadened my horizons and watched a lot of movies. As a newlywed there was the sound of laughter, love, and conversation with the background noise of TV.

Soon after, we had our first child. Now there were the sounds  of a baby - crying, pooping, laughing, aahing cooing, interspersed with the sounds of us. Us figuring it out, us talking to each other, and us sleeping. Oh, the joy of sleep. Sleep became more essential and movies took a back seat. But we kept talking and always tried to laugh. The background noise of TV receded for a bit.

More children and more sounds - until my quiver was full.

There's now some constant sounds in my world - Family Radio playing Christian music, the whistle of the kettle daily for a cup of tea, the pages turning as we all read various books, horsing around with Dad on a Friday night; board game battles; the crinkling of a bag to get to a beef patty; the popping sound as we opened the Styrofoam container that contained jerk chicken from our favorite place; the wind chimes on the front door signalling another person has arrived or left; sometimes the slamming of doors (but not often). On Saturdays, there was music - oldies, and Jamaican music played loudly throughout the house. The sound of housework was a constant also - cooking, cleaning, mopping, dusting, organising. These things weren't done in a vacuum, so more talking, and sometimes bickering. TV noise increased again as we would watch movies in my bedroom as a family because that's where the DVD was.  Of course, as we all grew and changed we all produced different sounds - boo hoos, achoos, hmms, uh-ohs, groans, moans, stomps, claps, singing, snoring, shouting, yelling and hahas; always haha. Sometimes we whispered but mostly we were loud. Our love is loud.

Noticeably absent from our lives was the sound of pets - we never had any.

And now I am here - guitar playing and singing. This moment makes me realize that all those sounds brought us here to a point of exploration, growth and creativity.

As I close my eyes, smile and drift off to sleep, I am grateful for the sounds that come from my house today; the sounds that make my house a home.

Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.

How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! Psalms 127:1,3-5 [NLT]

What sounds come from your home?

Two Pounds of Gratitude

Now that I live on the West Coast, friends and acquaintances are more multicultural, in particular, I am blessed by many from the continent of Asia. Recently, the Little One had some friends over during spring break, so I planned an outing to the beach. The parents were grateful for this time as were the girls. We had a beautiful day; we even saw a seal at the beach. As I returned the girls to their parents, each parent expressed their gratitude. One mother expressed her gratitude in what appeared to be a most unconventional manner - she gave me a container of 2 pounds of sliced seasoned beef from the Korean market.

I don't mind receiving a gift of food, but I'd never gotten raw beef before. It turns out, this was quite tasty! So tasty, I am now becoming a regular at the Korean market for Bulgogi - the actual name of the dish.

But this simple gesture made me realize two things:

• It's OK to express gratitude in a way that is unique to you. It must be liberating to be so sure of yourself, that you would buy beef for someone as an expression of thanks.

• I appreciated the expression of gratitude more than the beef itself; the beef was icing on the cake! Her simple act made me realize that my actions were important to her and therefore I was important to her.

Being grateful is contagious - because of this, I will try to demonstrate my thanks in more realistic and practical ways. A card is nice, but if more can be done, it will be. A thankful mindset allows you to see the beauty in the ordinary; over time being grateful can become second nature.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:18 [NLT]

Have you ever received an unexpected gift of gratitude? How did it make you feel?

Fear and Faith

Source

Recently, schools were closed due to a "credible threat" that would have impacted a significant number of schools and students.
We are living in dangerous times.
Everyone was saying, "better safe than sorry," but many of the responses seem to reflect the repercussions of the times we are living in.
Fear cannot be the primary motivator of our thoughts because it makes us fearful.  Living in fear is draining, exhaustive, and crippling. Faith produces the opposite effects - rejuvenation, revitalization, and growth. I would like to suggest we live by faith instead.

Fear is the opposite of faith. If we only trust in the things that we can see in this world we will be fearful. On a regular basis, we are dealing with terrorism - domestic and international, economic downturns, natural disasters, health scares, unemployment. We are consumed by what the future will look like for our children. There is always something to worry about! However, the Bible provides excellent comfort on why we need not live in fear.

A Chapter A Day - Proverbs 13

Proverbs 13 continues with contrasting righteous attributes and foolish attributes. However there are a couple of verses that don’t necessarily fit this model and I’d like to look at them. BTW, if you are taking the running analogy to heart, you should be in the zone now. Plan to stay in the zone for a while.

Observations and Highlights

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (v12).
Hope deferred. To hope is to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence; to believe desire or trust. To defer means to put off to a future time. Hope deferred is to have an expectation that is delayed; an expectation that doesn't occur in an anticipated timeframe, as a result, becoming less hopeful, stressed, or anxious. This delay pains the mind and affects the spirit. However, we have to know that what we’re hoping for is from the Lord. It does no good to hope you win the lottery if the Lord has not directed you in that way; that may just be wishful thinking.
Why be any of those things when you can give it over and just wait. Waiting seems SO HARD but hold on to the fact that a longing fulfilled brings life. God understands what we go through when we hope, that's why He gives us someone to place our hope in.

He that walks with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed (v 20).
Choose your friends wisely as they can negatively or positively influence you. Sometimes, it's much easier for friends to have a negative influence on you than the other way around which is why we are also warned that  bad company corrupts good character. The pull your companions may have on you is similar to a gravitational pull. The more wise friends you have the greater the likelihood that you will be positively impacted by them. The converse is also true. As with everything, it’s a process but once you recognize that you may be a companion of fools, sever the chains and go in a different direction.

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them (v 24).
If you’re a parent, you MUST discipline your children as it is one of the best ways to demonstrate love. In my family, we were beaten (sounds horrid), but we weren’t abused. That correction served its purpose because it kept us on the straight and narrow. As a child, I didn't necessarily appreciate this correction, and as an adult and a parent, I now know it could not have been easy for my parents. But the discipline occurred because the alternative was not pleasing: bad behaviour left unchecked. Find a happy medium that works for you, but correct your child lovingly when necessary. The more you do it in their formative years – the less you’ll have to do it as they're older.

Read on.

A Chapter A Day - Proverbs 6

Proverbs 6 provides several warnings against foolish behavior, lists things that God hates and provides more warnings on adultery.








Observations and Highlights

Warnings against foolish behavior

1.     Go to the ant..... (v6-11)

My parents are West Indian and one of the things I can remember growing up is my mother saying to us children, in her very strong Bajan accent, "Go to the ant thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise.” Back then, I didn’t know what a sluggard was, but it didn’t sound good. I did not want to be a sluggard. She always said this before we were given some new task to do. I think because of this verse we learned to embroider one summer, learned to crochet the next, I tried my hand at sewing because she sewed, and of course, chores - there were always chores. Clean the house, clean the bedrooms, the bathrooms, cook, mop, clean, etc. We weren't allowed to be idle or bored. She wanted us to be industrious - I'd have to say it worked. Thanks mum.

What are the ways of the ant? They are very small, yet they are a force to be reckoned with. They do what needs to be done, without a leader or anyone providing instruction. They anticipate for times of need and plan accordingly. They put away when there's plenty so that when there's little they are prepared. They understand the seasons of life - you may not always have excess, so plan ahead. Sleeping is overrated - sleep when you need to and then work while you are awake.

2.     Troublemakers ultimately get what they deserve, and sometimes it’s suddenly and with no warning. (v 12-15) Every behavior has a consequence and troublemakers are not exempt from this principle. As a matter of fact, because they are quick to stir up trouble, their consequences may be swift and untimely. Don’t be a troublemaker.

3.     Seven things that the Lord hates (v 17-19) 

1. A proud look

2. A lying tongue

3. Hands that shed innocent blood

4. A heart that creates wicked schemes

5. Feet swift to run after mischief

6. A false witness

7. One that creates discord

Have you ever looked at this list before? There are a couple of things about this list that stands out to me:

·         I don't like these things either. If it's good enough for the Lord then it’s good enough for me.

·         If you're a parent, these are behaviors you want your children to avoid; you may not say it in these terms but I don’t know one parent who wants their child to be a lying, scheming, manipulative, trouble making murderer and be proud of it.

·         God is the ultimate parent; He has our best interests at heart.

·         These are anti-social behaviors; if you have friends that display these characteristics eventually you remove yourself from them.

4.     Can a man take fire in his bosom and not be burned? (v 27) Last but not least - don't cheat on your spouse.

There's so much meat in this chapter - I'll have to revisit it at some point in the future.

 Hang in there with me - keep reading and growing.

Feeling Misunderstood

Source

Do you ever feel misunderstood? In particular, do you feel misunderstood in the relationships that really matter to you? Have you noticed, that you never know when a misunderstanding may occur? This is why being misunderstood is so frustrating.

 The basis of being misunderstood is when our intentions don't line up with our actions.  However, usually, we feel misunderstood because our well-intentioned thoughts don't translate to well-meaning actions. I gather there are many scenarios for being misunderstood but the most common would be that you are well-intentioned. 

Being misunderstood is an opportunity to examine others and yourself. Let's start with others first. Intellectually we know that everyone will not understand us; everyone won't "get" us. There are myriad personalities in this world and even though personality assessments are done that group common characteristics of various personality types into subgroups, even within those subgroups there are huge variations. I have not met my twin - that person that is exactly like me. I watch House Hunters and one thing that I take away from this show is people like what they like and there's no rhyme or reason to it. That's how humans are with their personalities - it's the way we're wired and every facet of one's personality can't be explained or understood. The way we are wired can create misunderstanding. So it's pointless to try to be understood by all, but it grates when the ones closest to us seem to misunderstand us on a regular basis. I think this is when we have to look at the other person's personality and not confuse their personality with their character. Personality is an expression of who you are; it's your temperament; the way you do things; character is foundational and is based on your intrinsic morals and values. The core of who I am does not change but my expression of it may change. It's nuanced - but it may help in thinking about why misunderstandings occur and how to deal with them.

Source

Being misunderstood also requires that we look at ourselves, especially when we are misunderstood by people we care about. So here are some questions to ask ourselves:

• Are our motives sincere?
• Is my conscience clear?
• Am I trying to hide anything?

It's hard being misunderstood because sometimes it seems as if there is no way to clear it up. It seems like a no-win proposition and the answer seems to be "just don't do the thing that caused the misunderstanding in the first place." That's not realistic. For example, if I have a tendency of laughing before I make a point, you may think I'm laughing at you when the reality is my laughter is a reflex that had nothing to do with you. Now I can work this and explain this to you but it doesn't mean it won't ever happen again. My husband and children may know this but they won't always remember this, but as long as they remember that I meant no harm, the misunderstanding is easily resolved. And if I'm really not laughing at them, but it's purely a reflex then we're good. But this is why it's important to examine yourself to ensure that your intentions were well-meaning.

Ultimately, being misunderstood is a facet of life; some of us handle it better than others. Do what you can and know that you're ok especially after you've examined yourself and carry on. But examine yourself; don't rely on this is the way I am and there's nothing I can do to change it.  The essence of you won't change but adjustments can be made - that's life. Being misunderstood recognizes that we will be adjusting until we leave this earth and this is the hard part for all of us. Let's take it one misunderstanding at a time, so that we have the grace to carry on. Don't linger in the misunderstanding, move on.

It has been suggested that when you are misunderstood, you repeat these four sentences:
It’s not about me. It’s not about now. It’s all about God. It’s all about eternity. (Source)

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 1 Peter 5:6 [NLT]

How do you handle being misunderstood?

Real Relationships

Source

In my quiet time this morning my thoughts congealed around relationships - specifically how they fluctuate based on what we put in them.

A relationship won't flourish on its own, but it most certainly will remain stagnant with no input. To me, a relationship is like a plant. It's not the perfect analogy but there are some similarities.

When you take a potted plant or a seed and you place it in the soil, your goal is to see that plant grow and flourish. Therefore, you make every effort to ensure that the plant has everything it needs for growth. The soil needs to be good soil so that the plant can take. Location and climate are also factors - you definitely need the sun and moderate temperatures.

But if you have all of this but you never water or weed or fertilize - guess what happens to your plant? Not much (unless it's a plant that requires minimal intervention), but even then it still won't flourish.  My mother in law loves orchids, so being influenced by this love I recently bought my first orchid. I learned from the vendor that this beauty only needs to be watered once a week. I couldn't believe it, but it has turned out to be true. Even though an orchid is a low maintenance plant, I still need to do my part.

Just like relationships a plant truly thrives when you take the time to nurture it - water it on schedule as needed, trim leaves as needed, remove weeds as needed, and add fertilizer if necessary.
When I did this my plants thrived; when I didn't they were lackluster.

This all reminds me of the Biblical principal of reaping what we sow. In our relationships, we get out proportional to what we put in.

Let's take time to tend the relationships in our lives:
Provide the right climate where they can thrive - initially, determine if you have similar values. You don't have to be at the same place in life but it is helpful if your value systems are in alignment. As an example, when I was younger I had a friend who had an interesting way of thinking about life - nothing mattered. While not being preachy I'm sure I tried to counter her views whenever I can; she was not open to it at that point in time so eventually our paths diverged. In my marriage, my husband and I have very similar values and that has made all the difference in the world.

Water and nurture  - implies that you put in effort on a regular basis. Therefore, always be ready to listen; be there as much as humanly possible; disagree amicably; and be kind to each other.

Remove weeds - sometimes differences occur; don't nurse hurts but do your best to address and deal with it. In the best of relationships, there will be disagreements and hurt feelings because we are humans and not immune to bad behavior.

Fertilize  - enjoy each other's company; do things "just because", laugh and hug and always listen; don't betray a confidence.

Remember this—a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. 2 Corinthians 9:6 [NLT]

Those who plant injustice will harvest disaster, and their reign of terror will come to an end. Proverbs 22:8 [NLT]

7 Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. 8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:7-9 [NLT]

Plant your relationships in the soil of love and respect and be intentional about nurturing the relationships in your life. Some of us are like orchids and some of us need daily attention like roses; may the people in our lives give us the attention we need and may we do the same for the relationships in our lives.

Are you nurturing your relationships?