Friday, April 27, 2012

Really Bad Relationship Advice

I recently read this dialogue in an advice column of a popular magazine:

Q: I am a 25-year-old virgin. How can I satisfy my boyfriend without going all the way?A: Think of your man's body as the world's best amusement park. Sure, some may come only to ride the Big Dipper, but there are other thrills to be had—if you're willing to explore off the beaten path. Rub your man's feet, whisper in his ear, lick his neck. And if you really want to set off fireworks, give him a handy. A hand job is the safest sex there is. It leaves your man satisfied, and you don't even have to take off your clothes, unless you want to. Simply undo his pants and Ooh! and Ah! over his magnificence (good sex is 80 percent enthusiasm). Squeeze a generous amount of lubricant into the palm of your hand and handle his business. If your man's face is twisted up like his baby toe is stuck in a mousetrap, you're doing great. Feeling hot and bothered yourself? Let him return the favor.

There are so many things wrong here. If this question were posed to me, here's what I would say instead:

Why is it important to satisfy your boyfriend sexually if you are a virgin? Is this an area that you talk about? Does he or you  not understand what virginity entails? Is being a virgin important to you?  Once you try to satisfy your boyfriend sexually, without technically having sex, many things can ensue.  You are putting yourself in a predicament that you may not be able to escape from.  Two old adages comes to mind - "Play with fire, you get burn" and "Don't start something you can't finish!" If you value your virginity, then don't try to satisfy your boyfriend sexually.  Get to know your boyfriend - his character, morals, his spiritual foundation - these are the things that make a man and these things are important. Sex should be reserved for marriage; if this were truly the mindset many hurt feelings and emotional dramas (not to mention other consequences), would be spared on both sides.

Just because it feels good does not mean you are entitled to it at this point in time. Sex was meant to feel good - but there is a time and an order for everything.  When you're in a relationship with a male, establish a new normal for you; establish this from the beginning so that you won't have to deal with this unfounded worry.

As a Christian, don't look to the world for sound Biblical advice.  If you follow the advice above you will end up with sticky fingers and being hot and bothered.  Instead, transform your mind by renewing it, shun evil or the very appearance of, love your body, as it is a temple and save yourself for marriage.

What do you think of the advice above? What would you tell your 25 yr old daughter? Do you think it's unrealistic to be a virgin at 25?


  1. WHAT... on Earth?! Who gives advice like this article?! This is beyond crazy! Granted, I am not a virgin -- I have a son and the gig is up. But... what?! Is this a joke? Give him a hand job? Huh? All that is going to do is lead to him wanting something more! And then have him return the favor... HUH?! Really?! They might as well have sex!

    I agree with what you said -- they need to communicate. Talk about what her virginity means to her. Why is it important for her to be a virgin. If he can't get with that, he's may not be the one for her.


  3. WOW! I am in awe on that advice....makes you wonder what other kind of advice people get on this topic. Crazy!
    I like the direction that you provided. Well stated.


I love reading your comments; but please be kind. Unkind comments will be removed.