Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Children You Don't Know

Have you ever felt like you don't know your own grown children?

I have.

I don't know why anyone puts a wall around themselves except to them it seems necessary, but it does seem awkward when it's your child.

As a parent, I'm not blind to the temptations our children face, especially in the times we live in. I often hope they will make the right choice, ah...but sometimes they disappoint.

What do I do with this disappointment?
Is it a scar on me as a parent? Yes and no - but mostly no because as an adult you've made a choice to live your life in a way that's not consistent with the way you were raised. As a parent, there's always a degree of embarrassment, or the opposite of pride when these situations occur.

I rely on God more- it would be prideful of me to think that MY children would be perfect and always make me happy. I think disappointments come to keep me humble.

Depending on the severity of the disappointment, I may become more insular and introspective. Of course I question myself and my parenting skills or lack of them.

I can't rationalize bad behavior; I don't accept the behavior but I still love the child. I will always love but their actions may force me to make some tough choices.

I rely on the people around me particularly my husband to help me navigate. It's usually my instinct that alerts me to something being off; then he follows through with the child in question. He's as level headed as I'm not and often has a better handle on these circumstances due to his life experience.  For me I can empathize with a lot of things, but have not experienced it. Together, we figure it out.

As I write this, I am reminded that I disappoint God regularly also with my behavior. How does God deal with us? He loves us, he corrects us, he chastises and ultimately we repent - because of His steadfast love. I hope to be steadfast as God is.

......I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3
Is this a foreign concept to you? Have you ever felt this way about your children? Do you see a model in the spiritual for how to deal with this?


  1. Have I ever?! My precious first born became our prodigal at the age of 18. He is now 24. Broke our hearts and it began to take a toll on our health. But GOd came in and healed those of us left behind. This is why I started my blog. . .part of the healing process for me.
    I will pray for you and your situation. Don't let the enemy try to tell you you weren't a good mother or you messed up. He tried that with me. Grown children as all of us have free will. All we can do is teach, guide and love and be an example and PRAY! And wait patiently on the Lord.

  2. Your ending is right on target. We are still required to love them b/c God love us despite our issues, baggage and stuff.


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