Thursday, November 9, 2017

I Never Prayed for a Husband

Anecdotally, I will share that I never prayed specifically for a husband. As a 21-year-old, the desire of my heart was to serve God and make wise choices with my life. I had a fleeting desire to have a boyfriend because so many around me did, but this desire didn't take over my life. I had friends who were male and that was good. I tried having a boyfriend once: I didn't like it, and my family didn't like him so that was a no go. Talking to guys who didn't have the same beliefs as me especially when it came to purity was problematic, so I avoided those guys. Outside of the physical, it was nice to have friends and I had lots of male friends, though they weren't all Christians but friendship removed any pressure of
moving into a relationship. I learned early on that having the same Christian beliefs made relationships easier.

I eventually met my husband at church, but that's not as charming as it sounds. First, he was new to the country so no one knew him or of him. Second, when I first saw him, he had thick glasses and smelled like raw onions because he'd just eaten a burger from Wendys. Honestly, I smelled the pungent scent of onions before I saw him. Third, he arrived on the heels of someone who came from the same country and had wreaked havoc in our church community. I guess I saw something different in spite of all of those initial negatives because I walked up to him and did something I'd never done before - I punched him, hard, in the stomach which would be the most interesting act of faith ever noted. It took me by surprise as much as it did him, but it got his attention! Well, that was the start of something that is still going strong after all these years.

Today I hear many women saying they're praying for a husband and while that's one way to get a husband it's not the only way. A lot of times when I hear this statement, what I pick up is that many are so focused on what they are praying for, they forget who they are praying to. So they become so wrapped up in this husband hunt, using bits and pieces of scripture to rationalize their mindset, and each time a man shows up in front of them, they go through a mental list and say, "this must be it." "This must be it," though they can see huge inconsistencies between his beliefs and his actions. Some get caught up on looks, ethnicity, finances, and life goals while rationalizing anything that could be a red flag. They're seeking God's will without knowing God to truly know what His will is.

As I got to know my husband, it was evident that he was a man of God who took his walk seriously. He was authentic and real. He had a past, but that was in the past. I could see that he was a God-changed man. All of this lined up with the true desires of my heart so that when he proposed marriage, I wasn't doubtful. I was slightly nervous because marriage is life changing but not worried about him and his character. I knew the hand of God had brought us together.

Though I do think to pray for a husband has its place we can switch out husband and replace that with anything else that we've prayed for at length with no result as yet. As a prior homeowner, I've prayed for our next house since we relocated to CA 10 years ago. God knows we desire it, but it hasn't happened (yet). When I get hung up on this desire and the fact that I don't own a house I become bitter, and question God. When I realize that this is not his plan for me at this point in time, I let it go and trust God that the right house will come along in time. It no longer consumes my thoughts to the point where I'm envious of anyone that owns a home; instead, I can focus on all of the other things that are going right in my life and also notice how He's using this circumstance to mature me and shape me. I move from being me-focused to God-focused and isn't this the point? This shift in perspective requires an intimacy with God that only comes from spending time with Him.

Marriage is a beautiful thing just like being single is a beautiful thing just like living is a beautiful thing. Live life; know and seek after God; and enjoy what He brings to you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6
I have tried hard to find you—
don’t let me wander from your commands. Psalms 119:10

Did you pray for your spouse? Are you praying for something that has not materialized yet? How do you wait?


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  1. Thanks for sharing your insights and God-honoring wisdom.


  2. isn't that true in so many areas - we get caught at the what instead of the who. Now why in the world did you punch him??? And where in CA?? I"m in SLO-town! Come for lunch! Yes, praying now for someone near and dear to come to faith in God- so after reading again about Noah building a boat when he had never seen rain before, I've begun saving money for a celebration-he's-saved-party! Faith and action and God at the helm.

  3. I cannot believe you punched him! Hahaha, it was the onions! But yes, that made me laugh out loud :)

    I did not pray for a husband either. In fact, for a while I was convinced I would never marry. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure why I felt that way.

    Patience is hard but I always tell myself that anything that comes too easy often isn't treasured as something that doesn't come easily.

  4. If we could just really get a hold of WHO we pray to, then a lot of the WHAT we pray about would take care of itself! good thoughts here! Thanks!

  5. Wow...I can't believed you first action was to punch him. Curious to know what his response was :)

  6. This: "Second, when I first saw him, he had thick glasses and smelled like raw onions because he'd just eaten a burger from Wendys," just made me laugh out loud. I met my husband in church too when I wasn't looking. At our first interaction we shook feet. It was weird.


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