Eating disorders are pervasive in our current culture, and there was a time when it seemed to reach epidemic proportions. I wondered what part, if any, does a parent play, in particular, a mother, when it comes to body image disorders such as anorexia and bulimia which overwhelmingly affect females.
Research indicates that there seems to be a correlation between a mother's fixation with her image which may unintentionally send the wrong message to a child especially if she has a different body type. But then there are also cases where a mother didn't send a negative message yet the daughter still ended up with an eating disorder.
For myself, I cannot say that my mother ever made a fuss about her body image or her weight -
she had other pressing matters to deal with like keeping house and ensuring her large family was happy. I was a very skinny girl, and my mother was not. I distinctly remember having a class assignment where we had to create a healthy diet. Working with my mother, we created the following menu: Breakfast - Bacon, Eggs, Bakes (Pancakes) and Orange Juice. Lunch: Rice and Beans, Chicken, Plantains, and Coleslaw. Supper: A Corned Beef Sandwich and Tea.
When I submitted this assignment to my teacher, I distinctly remember the teacher looking at this 'diet' in disbelief and then giving me the once over and deciding it was OK. I was unbelievably skinny, and everything in this menu was meant to fatten me up. BTW I ate like a horse and still didn't gain weight; I was 99 pounds when I got married at 22 and after the honeymoon had gained a whopping 6 pounds. Finally, I had cleared the 100-pound milestone!!!!
I knew I was skinny because I was teased for it at school but I was never made to feel sorry for it at home nor did I ever feel bad because of my weight. My mother was not slim, and she carried herself well, so I never thought negatively or had any thoughts about her weight. She also didn't make any comments within my hearing regarding her appearance or her weight. But as I had children and heard what other mothers were saying about weight gain etc., I became conscious about weight - mine, and others. My daughters have always known that I prided myself on the way I look, but I wasn't overbearing with it. They've heard me say I feel fat without being anywhere near fat.
As a mother, I had to be responsible for my words and actions yet still be a person. As it related to food consumption, I made food choices early on for the family that they didn't have a say in, based on what I thought was best. For example, I never bought sodas, focused on fruits and vegetables, and only bought wheat bread. This is what they knew, and this was their routine.
I became conscious of how I spoke to my daughters about weight and body image. The older they got, the greater wisdom I had to exercise especially if this was a touchy area. Sometimes I said nothing, and if I said anything, it was minimal. I'd seen other parents lose this battle and I learned that I had to pick my battles.
Weight gain or weight loss, I still wanted my children to feel accepted and loved. Apparently, I wasn't always successful at this, because to a young child, a critique may seem like a deadly blow. One of my daughters told me many years later that I made her feel insecure because of her weight when she was much younger, but somehow it didn't lead to a downward spiral of an eating disorder. Maybe I knew to stop, perhaps she knew that she was worthwhile, or maybe it was a combination of both.
Maybe in all of these maybes, God was in the mix providing wisdom, understanding, discernment, and grace.
There's a balance to how we do this, but even if we do everything right, we still don't know how it will be received by the child.
That's the challenge of parenting. Ultimately I had to know that I was worthy, not because of how I looked or felt but because I was loved by God. This love gave me worth and confidence which my children could emulate and which I could pass on. I think this was my mother's secret and it became mine. It can be summed up in this quote by Naomi Wolf, "A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem,"
with a caveat that the Source of this self-love is very important.
Young minds are particularly susceptible to the lies of the enemy and eating disorders are behaviors controlled by lies that show up in their approach to food. Am I saying that if you are anchored in Christ, you are immune from having a daughter that struggles with these issues? No, but what I have seen in my own life is that this makes a huge difference.
A mother knowing Whose she is and who she is makes an imperceptible distinction to her daughter.
The enemy of our souls won't quit - so he may not get his hooks in to create full-blown eating disorders, but he'll keep trying. As Christian mothers, we have a power that can defeat the enemy.
We have to believe it, tap into it, and use it. Perhaps with the strength of the scriptures, one less daughter will fall into an eating disorder.
God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalms 34:18
People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Proverbs 28:13
There's no age limit on any of these verses. To deal with anything, you must first acknowledge that it exists. Start there, then reach out to others around you until you have the resources and strength that you need. Please don't believe the lies that lead to an eating disorder;
starving the body to control the mind does not provide a balance of health and well-being and doesn't give the answers that started you down this path. God created you to fulfill His purpose through you, so know that self-inflicted pain is no way to live. God wants you to thrive while you're alive, not live a life of lack because you are trying to control your body. Turn over the controls to Him.
--Nylse
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