How Gossip Can Wreak Havoc

We may think saying things about another person that we have no knowledge of is harmless, but God knew what he was talking about when he lumped gossip with murder (Proverbs 6:16-19). A reckless tongue can do a world of damage and destroy relationships (James 3). In his letter to the Romans, Paul equates gossipers with “slanderers, God-haters” (Rom 1:30) and warns the Corinthians not to engage in “quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder” (2 Corinthians 12:20). As a refresher, gossip is defined as casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. Gossip is the enemy hiding in plain sight.

A Young Girl's Manifesto

I watched Surviving R. Kelly on Lifetime, and it can't seem to leave my mind. I've raised three daughters who are confident and know their worth. Because I've raised daughters, I've seen girls who will do anything for attention - especially male attention. This clouded judgment leads them down foolish paths.

I've lived long enough to see the broad spectrum of human behavior; this documentary was a sobering reminder that not everyone is well-intentioned. Today, I want every young lady to know her worth. If you're at an age where you can make decisions for yourself, here's what I want you to know for yourself.

Book Review - The Sun Does Shine by Ray Hinton

3:00 am, 10:00 am and 2:00pm. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you are on death row. This was Ray Hinton's reality for thirty years in the State of Alabama's Holman Prison. Not everyone on Death Row deserves to be there - remember that.

Ray Hinton was summarily convicted and sentenced to death for a crime he did not commit in September of 1986. His only crime was being a Black man in the state of Alabama. When the crime occurred - a murder of a store manager, he was at work 15 miles away, where his manager could vouch for his presence. With an airtight alibi, he thought he would be released. But none of that mattered. It wasn't an honest mistake; race had everything to do with it.

"You know I don't care if whether you did or didn't do it. In fact, I believe you didn't do it. But it doesn't matter. If you didn't do it, one of your brothers did. And you're going to take the rap. You want to know why?' These are the words that were said to Ray after he was arrested by a police lieutenant. He continued, "I can give you five reasons why they are going to convict you. Number 1, you're black. Number 2, a white man gonna say you shot him. Number 3, you're gonna have a white district attorney. Number 4, you're gonna have a white

My Immigrant Experience

When I came to America in 1978, besides what was portrayed in books and my limited TV intake, I had no idea what to expect.

Subconsciously, I thought everyone was rich until my older brother told me there were lots of poor homeless people right where we lived. Subconsciously I thought I could easily acquire the foods I was used to and they would taste the same, but I soon realized that there were ethnic neighborhoods where we could shop. As far as things tasting the same - they never did, but I adjusted. Subconsciously, I thought everyone had two parents and a family similar to mine; I soon learned that I was viewed as an aberration.

Black and White

Black and white. Black or white. This seems to be the line of demarcation, particularly where we live. There's an unspoken narrative around these colors that goes something like this:

Black - bad; criminal; fighting for equal rights; less than; minority; a problem; burdensome.
White - good; controls all the power structures including the church; responsible for slavery but won't accept the scars from this pain; always assumed to be well-meaning and good.

These associations have crept into every facet of our society including the church. In the 60s we had overt racism and now we have covert racism - where it's systemic and impacts the very fabric of all of our lives.

The very origins of America's racial history are closely tied to the America's church history. Missions were used as a way to rationalize the genocide of the native population and later on justify recruiting them into abusive boarding schools. Missions were used in theology to rationalize the slave trade as some European Christians argued that Cain's curse was a justification to steal humans from West Africa and enslave them in the new world though there is no actual proof of this. The American founding fathers wrote the Constitution within a culturally Christian identity yet most of them, Thomas Jefferson included, dehumanized their African brothers and sisters through enslavement. Looking at the origins of this country it's hard to say that covert racism crept in like a thief in the night. In the Constitution, the founding fathers proclaimed everyone equal under the law, an idea which was quickly contradicted by protecting slavery under the law. The cognitive dissonance it takes to say you love God and yet destroy people made in God's image because you found yourself superior is significant and must be acknowledged as such. It is important to take a critical look at how people can incongruently identify as Christian culturally and yet relationally have distance between the God they claim to serve. 

America said one thing and lived out another and now is wondering why they cannot recognize their own reflection. These associations we have with people groups have a deep history to them and are supported by living institutions. These associations go against how we should treat each other as Christians, believers in Christ, yet culturally this is our normal. We are called to have a different standard, a paradigm shift, since so many cling to these entrenched views and are unaware until something like Charlottesville happens.

In church, we see what we thought was hidden seep out in our interaction with others, in particular, those not like us. We see our churches become homogeneous. There's a danger in sameness - we think everyone thinks the way we do and therefore there's no fear our shame in expressing those thoughts. The fact that so many "ethnic" churches exist is heartbreaking. Therefore, it becomes something to be celebrated when we truly see a multi-ethnic, diverse, united church - because this is not the norm.  

This phenomenon exhibited by churches and others is something called in-group bias: "It's a well-known principle in social psychology that people define themselves in terms of social groupings and are quick to denigrate others who don't fit into those groups. Others who share our particular qualities are our "in-group," and those who do not are our "out-group.""(Source: psychologytoday.com)

In light of the current climate, I am challenged to be known by my fruit: to live differently think differently and act differently. To let my heart and my actions line up. To let my biases not define my life but to love and accept all because like me they are made in God's image. The thing about racism is that it feels the worse when it shows up in churches - where God's love should be evident. If you've suffered racism at work, in a road rage incident, DWB (driving while Black), being followed in a store, or just the gnawing feeling that something isn't right with a particular interaction which you know stems from the skin you're in, then sometimes you expect a safe place where you can just be and when it seems that no safe place exists, it creates a widening gap.

I posit that that safe space is the church, at least it's supposed to be. The church can accept all while at the same time speak out on societal ills. The church can be a place where healing begins. But it requires the hard work of love, faith, and forgiveness in action. I don't turn a blind eye to racism in my personal life and as such I'd like to see the church become more vocal on addressing the ills of racism - not the Black Church or the Evangelical Church or the White Church - just the Church - one body fighting against injustice. Jesus wouldn't have it any other way.

This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.

If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead. Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them. 

1 John 3:11-15

Then Peter replied, “I see very clearly that God shows no favoritism. In every nation, he accepts those who fear him and do what is right.This is the message of Good News for the people of Israel—that there is peace with God through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all. 

Acts 10:34-36

Racism and its implications are no longer the elephants in the room; instead, these elephants are roaring demanding attention. "The church needs less lip service and more love accompanied with action. Until we are willing to confront and discipline our brothers and sisters who are knee-deep in this type of sin, and others, we will be villages in valleys, rather than cities on a hill." (Source: desiringgod.org)

Mothers, Daughters and Self-Image

Eating disorders are pervasive in our current culture, and there was a time when it seemed to reach epidemic proportions. I wondered what part, if any, does a parent play, in particular, a mother, when it comes to body image disorders such as anorexia and bulimia which overwhelmingly affect females.

Research indicates that there seems to be a correlation between a mother's fixation with her image which may unintentionally send the wrong message to a child especially if she has a different body type. But then there are also cases where a mother didn't send a negative message yet the daughter still ended up with an eating disorder.

For myself, I cannot say that my mother ever made a fuss about her body image or her weight - she had other pressing matters to deal with like keeping house and ensuring her large family was happy. I was a very skinny girl, and my mother was not. I distinctly remember having a class assignment where we had to create a healthy diet. Working with my mother, we created the following menu: Breakfast - Bacon, Eggs, Bakes (Pancakes) and Orange Juice. Lunch: Rice and Beans, Chicken, Plantains, and Coleslaw. Supper: A Corned Beef Sandwich and Tea.

When I submitted this assignment to my teacher, I distinctly remember the teacher looking at this 'diet' in disbelief and then giving me the once over and deciding it was OK. I was unbelievably skinny, and everything in this menu was meant to fatten me up.  BTW I ate like a horse and still didn't gain weight; I was 99 pounds when I got married at 22 and after the honeymoon had gained a whopping 6 pounds. Finally, I had cleared the 100-pound milestone!!!!

I knew I was skinny because I was teased for it at school but I was never made to feel sorry for it at home nor did I ever feel bad because of my weight. My mother was not slim, and she carried herself well, so I never thought negatively or had any thoughts about her weight. She also didn't make any comments within my hearing regarding her appearance or her weight. But as I had children and heard what other mothers were saying about weight gain etc., I became conscious about weight - mine, and others. My daughters have always known that I prided myself on the way I look, but I wasn't overbearing with it. They've heard me say I feel fat without being anywhere near fat. As a mother, I had to be responsible for my words and actions yet still be a person. As it related to food consumption, I made food choices early on for the family that they didn't have a say in, based on what I thought was best. For example, I never bought sodas, focused on fruits and vegetables, and only bought wheat bread. This is what they knew, and this was their routine.

I became conscious of how I spoke to my daughters about weight and body image. The older they got, the greater wisdom I had to exercise especially if this was a touchy area. Sometimes I said nothing, and if I said anything, it was minimal. I'd seen other parents lose this battle and I learned that I had to pick my battles. Weight gain or weight loss, I still wanted my children to feel accepted and loved. Apparently, I wasn't always successful at this, because to a young child, a critique may seem like a deadly blow. One of my daughters told me many years later that I made her feel insecure because of her weight when she was much younger, but somehow it didn't lead to a downward spiral of an eating disorder. Maybe I knew to stop, perhaps she knew that she was worthwhile, or maybe it was a combination of both. Maybe in all of these maybes, God was in the mix providing wisdom, understanding, discernment, and grace.

There's a balance to how we do this, but even if we do everything right, we still don't know how it will be received by the child. That's the challenge of parenting. Ultimately I had to know that I was worthy, not because of how I looked or felt but because I was loved by God. This love gave me worth and confidence which my children could emulate and which I could pass on. I think this was my mother's secret and it became mine. It can be summed up in this quote by Naomi Wolf,  "A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem," with a caveat that the Source of this self-love is very important.

Young minds are particularly susceptible to the lies of the enemy and eating disorders are behaviors controlled by lies that show up in their approach to food. Am I saying that if you are anchored in Christ, you are immune from having a daughter that struggles with these issues? No, but what I have seen in my own life is that this makes a huge difference. A mother knowing Whose she is and who she is makes an imperceptible distinction to her daughter.

The enemy of our souls won't quit - so he may not get his hooks in to create full-blown eating disorders, but he'll keep trying. As Christian mothers, we have a power that can defeat the enemy. We have to believe it, tap into it, and use it. Perhaps with the strength of the scriptures, one less daughter will fall into an eating disorder.

God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalms 34:18

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Proverbs 28:13

There's no age limit on any of these verses. To deal with anything, you must first acknowledge that it exists. Start there, then reach out to others around you until you have the resources and strength that you need. Please don't believe the lies that lead to an eating disorder; starving the body to control the mind does not provide a balance of health and well-being and doesn't give the answers that started you down this path. God created you to fulfill His purpose through you, so know that self-inflicted pain is no way to live. God wants you to thrive while you're alive, not live a life of lack because you are trying to control your body. Turn over the controls to Him. 

--Nylse

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More Black History - After Slavery and Jim Crow

My initial post on slavery was written on August 4th, 2015. The 2nd part - this post, has sat in draft mode until now. It seems fitting that I should post this before Black History Month ends. So many of us don't know our history; not just Black History. As an adult looking back, I can now see that History was one of the more important topics taught - but depending on your sources the picture painted may be incomplete. Is history ever complete? We weren't there so we have to rely on and trust the records of what was done at the time. As it relates to Black history, the more we read, research and speak to others the more we realize that this is an area that is shortchanged on many school's history curriculums. As I said in my prior post, it wasn't until I went to college that I really began to unearth my history. Hopefully, this post whets the appetite for learning more of our history.

America has always been conflicted about how to treat its Black citizens. Though Jefferson coined the phrase all men are created equal, he didn't truly believe it for Jefferson was a slaveowner; his belief and his actions were not aligned. Jefferson, like all slaveholders and many other white members of American society, regarded Negroes as inferior, childlike, untrustworthy and, of course, as property. Jefferson, the genius of politics, could see no way for African-Americans to live in society as free people. He embraced the worst forms of racism to justify slavery. (http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/founding-fathers-and-slaveholders-72262393/#R7hPlcwWx6qhkp1I.99)

Of the nine presidents who owned slaves, only Washington freed his. (http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/founding-fathers-and-slaveholders-72262393/#R7hPlcwWx6qhkp1I.99)

But even though many of them decried it, Southern colonists relied on slavery. The Southern colonies were among the richest in America. Their cash crops of tobacco, indigo, and rice depended on slave labor. They weren’t going to give it up and history has shown they did not.

Here's a brief history lesson taken from various sources. The first U.S. national government began under the Articles of Confederation, adopted in 1781. This document said nothing about slavery. It left the power to regulate slavery, as well as most powers, to the individual states.
A dispute arose over the legislative branch. States with large populations wanted representation in both houses of the legislature to be based on population. States with small populations wanted each state to have the same number of representatives, like under the Articles of Confederation. This argument carried on for two months. In the end, the delegates agreed to the “Great Compromise.” One branch, the House of Representatives, would be based on population. The other, the Senate, would have two members from each state.
Part of this compromise included an issue that split the convention into North–South lines. The issue was: Should slaves count as part of the population? Under the proposed Constitution, the population would ultimately determine three matters:

(1) How many members each state would have in the House of Representatives.
(2) How many electoral votes each state would have in presidential elections.
(3) The amount each state would pay in direct taxes to the federal government.

Only the Southern states had large numbers of slaves. Counting them as part of the population would greatly increase the South’s political power, but it would also mean paying higher taxes. This was a price the Southern states were willing to pay. They argued in favor of counting slaves. Northern states disagreed. The delegates compromised. Each slave would count as three-fifths of a person.

What should be done about the slave trade, the importing of new slaves into the United States? Ten states had already outlawed it. Many delegates heatedly denounced it. But the three states that allowed it — Georgia and the two Carolinas — threatened to leave the convention if the trade were banned. A special committee worked out another compromise: Congress would have the power to ban the slave trade, but not until 1800. The convention voted to extend the date to 1808.

A final major issue involving slavery confronted the delegates. Southern states wanted other states to return escaped slaves. The Articles of Confederation had not guaranteed this. But when Congress adopted the Northwest Ordinance, it a clause promising that slaves who escaped to the Northwest Territories would be returned to their owners. The delegates placed a similar fugitive slave clause in the Constitution. This was part of a deal with New England states. In exchange for the fugitive slave clause, the New England states got concessions on shipping and trade.

The black community received an enormous shock with the Supreme Court's "Dred Scott" decision in March 1857. Blacks were not American citizens and could never be citizens, the court said in a decision roundly denounced by the Republican Party as well as the abolitionists, because slaves were property, not people. By this ruling, they could not sue in court. The decision was finally reversed by the Civil Rights Act of 1865.That was 8 long years.

The constitution set forth the ideals of freedom and equality while providing for the continuation of the institution of slavery through the fugitive slave clause and the three-fifths compromise. Slavery was abolished by Amendment 13 of the Constitution. Amendment 13 - Slavery Abolished. Ratified 12/6/1865. Here is the actual text of the 13th Amendment: 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. 

The ratification of the 13th Amendment in 1865 is considered the end of slavery. This then ushered in the Jim Crow era. Jim Crow an appropriate name - not flattering, derogatory, a way of life for blacks and whites, and cruel.

The Jim Crow era accompanied the cruelest wave of "racial" suppression that America has yet experienced. Between 1890 and 1940 (some sources say up to the 60s), millions of African Americans were disfranchised, killed, and brutalized. Quite simply, another human decided that you were inferior because of your skin color. You couldn't drink at the same water fountain, swim in the same pools, go to the same schools or churches, stay in the same hotels, shop at the same stores and many more aggressions because you were Black. You could not vote or participate in democracy. As a Black person, you were raped, lynched, or imprisoned for any perceived slight with minimal recourse. Please let that sink in. This went on for generations and became a way of life for black folk though it was not right. On the flip side, it reinforced a warped sense of superiority in white folks that they never had. This too was not right. Fear is a crazy thing!

Yet, during this time we survived. There was brilliance in Black people and slowly but surely the world came to know. There's MLK Jr, and many before him; there were doctors, nurses, journalists, educators, musicians, athletes, inventors, scientists, activists. There's an endless list of Black achievement from this time frame. There were many battles to fight and many ways to fight them all with the goal of restoring some degree of human dignity to Black people in America.

As a nation, Jim Crow and its vestiges are a part of this country's history. 

Remember, those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it (Edmund Burke).

Rich Towards God; Blessed to be a Blessing

Recently my husband and I found this authentic South American restaurant in Scottsdale Arizona. We were on a weekend getaway trip that I won from being on a talk show. We knew the restaurant was authentic because they had plantain chips on the table. We immediately gobbled them up and another platter was brought out. (BTW plantain is pronounced plan tin - not plan tain....think of how you pronounce fountain the next time you're tempted to overemphasize the last syllable.)
As we were gobbling and perusing the menu, I noticed the following verse printed on the menu - When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. Isaiah 43:2 [NLT] I guess the rapid rate at which we gobbled up the plantain chips brought the owner over and we got to talking.

I mentioned that this was one of my favorite verses and he proceeded to share his story with us: He grew up in a South American country where his parents were missionaries. He had a fishery business and was very successful and wealthy. He used his wealth to fight for people who were being taken advantage of, but the government was not pleased and all of his assets were seized by the government. He had nothing and had to leave the country. He ended up in Arizona with a relative and was able to start the restaurant and has seen the faithfulness of God. But what he said that struck me was, "I was doing everything right, yet God allowed everything to be taken away from me. And I have seen how God was with me in the fire and I was not burned." He implied that he needed to be humbled and going through loss and restoration was indeed humbling.

For the past month or more there's been a constant theme in the messages I've heard from various pulpits - God wants to bless us, blessings encompass more than money, Christians are confused about how to approach wealth especially if you don't have it, and there is a  responsibility that comes along with blessings including wealth.

Luke 12:13-21 tells the parable of the rich fool. The fool is identified as rich - we don't know how he came about his wealth - whether by birth, work, or any other attribute but he was rich and clearly his priorities revolved around his wealth over anything else. In the parable God gave a warning to the rich fool - Then he said, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.” Luke 12:15 [NLT]

We get comfortable with our blessings and sometimes think that nothing bad will happen to us because we're blessed. But maybe God wants to test us to see where our heart lies - like Job, like the restaurant owner we met. In Luke 18 God told the rich ruler it's hard for the rich to enter into heaven; it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich to enter into heaven. Which simply means we can get attached to our possessions and it is much easier for the rich to do so since they have more possessions. They may even think it's because of what they've done instead what God has allowed for them.

Being rich materially requires constant submission to the Holy Spirit so our hearts and attitudes are always right. Don't you love getting to know a person and then realizing that they are wealthy beyond anything you can imagine? I do. These people don't broadcast their wealth materially, nor are they pompous. But in getting to know them you see that they are generous with their time and resources and then as an added bonus you see their material blessings. Being wealthy with material goods is like an added bonus which means as a Christian you are already blessed.

Live like Christ wants you to live. Affluence lends itself to generosity, but we're not all affluent and yet we can still be a blessing to others. The church in Macedonia was very poor, but they were filled with abundant joy which overflowed in rich generosity. Their priority was how they could best serve the Lord unconditionally. In so doing they gave more than they had so that they could help those who needed their help. So great was their desire to serve Christ that they would not allow their economic situation to keep them from being involved in the Lord's work (Waldrop 1984:38).

Sometimes the wealth comes in visible portions while here on earth, sometimes invisible, but we are all blessed in some way. More exciting than that is when we get to heaven we will all know the abundance of the Lord in his fullness. No longer encumbered with this world's cares and responsibility and in a place that is more lavish than we can imagine, it's where we belong. It's why we are so dissatisfied at times with our earthly blessings and desire more.

 “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.  And if you are untrustworthy about worldly wealth, who will trust you with the true riches of heaven? Luke 16:8-10[NLT]

None of this negates financial planning, making wise financial choices, etc. but for a Christian, it's about your most important priority - being rich towards God so that we can be a blessing to others. Let's not get hung up on material wealth but recognize our blessings because of what Christ has done for us. Let's use what he has done for us as a springboard to reap greater blessings for the Kingdom.

Are you a blessing to others? Are you rich towards God?

Tony Evans - A Biblical Response on Race

This is a hard-hitting yet comforting message that is much needed today. The passages used are: the woman at the well, Peter's vision, and Paul confronting Peter.










Key points

• Your theology determines how you respond; it is the most important thing.
• God made us all - in his image.
• Where we are today requires a Godly response.
• When men and women of God are quiet, our impact is minimized and the culture goes crazy. He says it like this - "A mist in the pulpit, is a fog in the pew."
• Racism is a sin; sin can make a good person bad.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Graduates From A Peculiar Institution

Have you ever reviewed or become aware of your family history and discovered some appalling fact? Slavery in American history is like that - appalling. Perhaps I was asleep during much of my history lessons, but I do not recall learning for any length of time about the cruelties of slavery and what Black Americans endured. In hindsight, I would have to say it was glossed over or whitewashed (pun intended). I did not intentionally start out to discover all I could about slavery, but the more I read the more I wanted to know, and it has been a devastating knowledge. Like Malcolm X, I can honestly say, I will not forget how shocked I was when I started reading about slavery's total horror.

I struggled with how men could be so cruel to their fellow man; what goes on in one's mind to remove all humanity from another soul; is this what happens when profit is placed over people; why the need to punish so severely with whippings and maiming; and why was all of this sanctioned by the laws of the land.

My curiosity was stoked by current events and by reading fiction and historical fiction around the Civil War. In the past months I have read:

1. The Invention of Wings - Sue Monk Kidd
2. Somebody Knows my Name - Lawrence Hill
3. Candle In the Darkness - Lynn Austin
4. Uncle Tom's Cabin - Harriet Beecher Stowe
5. 12 years a Slave - Solomon Northrup
6. Thirty Years a Slave From Bondage to Freedom: The Institution of Slavery as Seen on the Plantation and in the Home of the Planter: Autobiography of Louis Hughes - Louis Hughes
7. When I Was a Slave: Memoirs from the Slave Narrative Collection - Norman R. Yetman
8. American Slavery As It Is, Testimony of a Thousand Witnesses (Illustrated and Annotated) - by Theodore Dwight Weld
9. Running a Thousand Miles for Freedom; or, the escape of William and Ellen Craft from slavery - by Ellen and William Craft

For approximately 250 years black people were treated worse than animals in the name of capitalism. So much of this country was literally built on the backs of slaves. Slaves were used to doing labor that the white man would not do. In America, there were two distinctions of slavery - Northern and Southern and every slave knew that if you were sold down south it was worse than your worse day as a Northern Slave. If you were white you could own a black person and no one would question it; therefore the worst white person could own a black person and no questions would be asked. As a slave, you were subjected to the whims of your master - whatever they may be. As a slave, you were not entitled to any thoughts or rights. Being kidnapped into slavery was a very real fear - thousands were kidnapped from the North and sold into slavery in the South.

The slave had no family - he could be married, bought or sold at someone else's whim. Women were forced to breed either with other slaves or with their masters. Many were the children who were separated from their mothers never to be seen again. As a slave, the sanctity of marriage was invisible.

A slave was not fed or clothed as a human - livestock received better treatment than a slave. The favorite form of punishment seemed to be whippings with a cowhide or bullwhip. If one was particularly stubborn you could also be maimed or have your teeth knocked out. You were also branded like common cattle. Even if a master was not cruel in the outward sense of the word, a slave was considered "property for life."

Source

Slaves were whipped without mercy for minor infractions, worked from sun up to sun down, were given the worse food and only fed twice a day, could not take care of their babies and lived in constant fear while yearning for freedom. Though human, the slave had no rights. The slave was flogged, tortured and brutalized, yet was expected to continue working and produce. One of the greater cruelties of slavery was the child of a slave took the condition of the mother; therefore if the mother was a slave, the child was a slave even if the child was fathered by the master. How heartless a man must be to treat his flesh and blood as a slave; the slave had no rights except what his master desired.

Even if they were treated like brute beasts, not being allowed to learn, they knew what they were going through could never be right. Mothers murdered their children so that they wouldn't know the horrors of slavery. Many ran away; some succeeded and some did not. A slave knew that there was no worse fate for a slave than one who ran away but was caught. Dogs were set on him to catch him and if caught his punishment was more severe than anything he had endured to that point. For a slave was property and in running away you reduced the earning potential of the master.

The laws of this great country sanctioned slavery:

If more than seven slaves are found together in any road, without a white person— twenty lashes a piece. For visiting a plantation without a written pass— ten lashes . For letting loose a boat from where it is made fast— thirty nine lashes; and for the second offence, shall have his ear cut off. For having an article for sale without a ticket from his master— ten lashes. For being on horseback without the written permission of his master— twenty five lashes. For keeping or carrying a club - thirty-nine lashes. For having any article for sale without a ticket from his master - ten lashes. For traveling in any other than the most usual and accustomed road when going alone to any place - forty lashes. For traveling in the night without a pass - forty lashes. For being found in another person's negro quarters - forty lashes. For hunting with dogs in the woods - thirty lashes. For being on horseback without the written permission of his master - twenty-five lashes. For riding or going abroad in the night, or riding horses in the day time, without leave a slave may be whipped, cropped or branded on the cheek, or otherwise punish not extending to life, or as to render him unfit for labor.  (a subset of the laws in Southern slave code).

100 lashes were considered a severe whipping and depending on the offense, which could be anything. it could be up to 500 lashes. Overseers were the primary administrators of whippings, but sometimes it was the master himself or another slave, threatened with punishment, usually whipping if he didn't comply. "The slaveholders of America resort to every species of cruelty, but they can never reduce the slave to a willing obedience. The natural elasticity of the human soul repels the slightest attempt to enslave it." - Frederick Douglass

One of the more appalling cruelties that resulted from slavery was the rationalization by slaveholder that this was what God intended. It just goes to show how the mind of man can be so corrupted when he is blinded by his own sins. As Frederick Douglass so eloquently states: "It must also be stated that the American pulpit is on the side of slavery, and the Bible is blasphemously quoted in support of it." (Frederick Douglass) This is not the slavery of the Bible - for even when the Israelites were persecuted by the Egyptians, the Lord raised up someone so that they were removed from this slavery. The Bible does not condone White supremacy or any human supremacy for that matter. The institution of slavery as practiced in America was never sanctioned by the Bible.
Contrary to the claims of many skeptics, the New Testament proclaims that all people are equal in the eyes of God - even slaves:

• There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28) 
• knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. (Ephesians 6:8) 
• And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him. (Ephesians 6:9) 
• a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all. (Colossians 3:11) 

Over time,  slavery became a necessary evil. A startling statistic emerged in the 1970s, when economists taking a hardheaded look at slavery found that on the eve of the Civil War, enslaved black people, in the aggregate, formed the second most valuable capital asset in the United States. David Brion Davis sums up their findings: “In 1860, the value of Southern slaves was about three times the amount invested in manufacturing or railroads nationwide.” The only asset more valuable than the black people was the land itself.

In his impassioned new memoir, “Between the World and Me,” Ta-Nehisi Coates writes, “In America, it is traditional to destroy the black body — it is heritage.” This statement seems inflammatory, but history and current events show the truth in this statement.

Frederick Douglass along with many others was a graduate from the peculiar institution of slavery. "I was a graduate from the peculiar institution," Mr. Collins used to say when introducing me, "with my diploma written on my back!" (Frederick Douglass Douglass, Frederick, 1817?-1895. My Bondage and My Freedom.) Many of our ancestors had their diplomas written on their backs. Since I am here today, it is from whence I came. I truly thank God, that my diploma is not written on my back.

As a Christian, I am called to be in the world but not of the world. In the world around me, I see racism toward black people in many shapes and forms. They are the stories that make it to headlines which can make one more wary and weary, and they are many that don't. Because of the cloud that hangs over our interactions, in trying not to make everything about race you recognize that race pervades many of our interactions.

I am grateful for the elasticity of the human soul, and that as a people we have been able to repel attempts to enslave. Hopefully, we can all learn from our history so that this never happens again. I'm also hopeful that this knowledge will help in strengthening the divide between races; that it won't continue to be minimized but at the very least acknowledged.

PS - I started writing this ~3 months ago, and even now it is one of the more difficult posts I have had to write.

Choose To Live

Source

By now you may have heard of Brittany Maynard - the 29 year old who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and is choosing to die on November 1st, 2014. She moved to Oregon so that she and her family can take advantage of the Death with Dignity Act, and received the sedative that will end her life. She is married, and is her mother's only child. Somehow she is being hailed as a hero but something in me does not sit right with all of this.

All of us have had dark days where at some point we may actually think we're better off dead. The irony of life is that when you're dealing with something in that moment that's all of you have - the culmination of experiences leading up to that point. The beauty of life is to have survived, and look back in amazement, with new strength. If you hadn't overcome you wouldn't be where you are today. By choosing to die, you are shortchanging yourself of all the good life has to offer; the yin and yang; the growth and reward; the trials and overcoming.

But even when you don't overcome, you grow, because you realize life isn't perfect.

Choosing to die at a time that's convenient says I get to take my life in my own hands. I get to determine my perfection. I get to quit. The ultimate fallacy is it fools you in to thinking that you are really in control - when you're not.

We are not totally in control of our destinies, God is. [Job 14:5, Psalm 139:16] By choosing to die, you're trying to take over something that you have no control of, because you really don't know what death will bring. Death is a huge unknown; death is more uncertain than dealing with a terminal illness.

I also believe dying with dignity is a crock. Dignity is ideal but death isn't always dignified. Sometimes it's sudden or gruesome or painful. More importantly, since death is inevitable we should be prepared for death, but not in a controlling way but rather as an inevitability that we all have to face.

When my brother left this earth after 17 years of a long terminal illness one of the things that struck me was that he was no longer here. He didn't have to be perfect to be missed. He just needed to be here and he no longer was. He could no longer make an impact on those around him. He was gone. It didn't matter if his fingers were perpetually curled, or his skin had darkened, or he could no longer move - he was a presence in his house. He could still communicate with his family members the best way he knew how. The others around him were learning also - how to deal with adversity, how to smile, how to deal with pain, how to be tender and compassionate, and much bigger lessons. Lessons that were absorbed but were never spoken. He may have been diminished physically but he still had a lot to give, as the gap that is his death proved.

Diagnoses aren't final; as far as we know my brother outlived many people with his illness by at least 10 years. In this way, he made his doctors think and ponder all they knew about his illness. His living provided a challenge so that they could help the next person.

Do you know that dark days don't last forever? I know that's not a fair comparison to a terminal illness but everyone has something that they are dealing with.
What if everyone who had a terminal illness chose to die? What if the beauty is in living? Who says one has to be perfect to enjoy life or make a difference? 

I hope Brittany has a change of heart and lives as long as the days that were allocated to her.

DOMA Defeat

God is in control and nothing comes as a surprise to God.

The Supreme Court's decision makes me wonder if this is not an ongoing opportunity for Christians to be salt and light in this dark world by loving and ministering to those we scorn; those that are different from us.

Isn't it ironic, that marriage was not considered a big deal until the same sex couples wanted what heterosexuals took for granted all along.

More irony - the AIDS epidemic was one of the things that brought the issue of same sex rights to the forefront.

I currently live in California; the chances of me interacting with someone who is gay is very high; or my children knowing someone who is being raised by two moms or two dads is very high; or friends in my peer group who will never have grandchildren (unless they're adopted) is very high. These are not remote situations.

I believe what the Bible says about marriage, and will always stand by that. My daily pray is that whomever I interact with that they may see Jesus in me; that they will feel comfortable enough to share with me.  When Jesus walked this earth He was love in action; I want to be like that.  Since I'm not God, I'll leave the judging and the punishing to him (I hope that's not wrong of me). May I have Godly discernment to know when to have compassion, making a distinction; but on others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.” Jude 1: 22-24 

God is in control and nothing comes as a surprise to Him.

Porn - Book Review

There are no coincidences in life.

Recently, I was away from home for about three nights.  One night in my hotel, I came across a documentary on pornography and I was drawn in.  What was most telling was how the women were trying to convince themselves and others that porn was a legitimate industry and it was similar to any other job.  Then there was the couple who had taken to filming their sex life and was now making more money than when they were both school teachers.
After watching, I felt disturbed and dirty.

Then I read Exposed by Ashley Weiss.  It's a story about how porn affects a marriage, told through the wife and the porn star's eyes.  In this story, once the wife found out about her husband's addiction she really struggled with her self-worth.  She had these issues before, but her husband's addiction brought them to a head.  She questioned her looks, her body, her reasons for being married, infertility, everything. Ironically, she is a Christian Marriage Counselor and is now unable to provide counsel based on what she's going through in her own marriage. She had an idealized view of marriage and her marriage no longer fell into it.

The porn star also struggled with her self-worth; because of her lack of self-worth she inadvertently becomes a porn star. She never thought she was pretty or had anything to offer anyone; also she didn't come from a stable home.  Unsure about what to do with her life after graduating from high school, she responded to a modeling ad that would pay $500/day.  The recruiter (who eventually becomes her pimp) thought she was beautiful and started taking pictures of her.  She lost her virginity in her first film, and after that became deadened to most things around her and what was happening to her body.  Ultimately she gets pregnant, but what happens after she gives birth, will make you believe in redemption. Every life, no matter how dirty and used, can be redeemed.



There's lots of twists and turns in this story, but the author humanizes the porn star's reality. Contrary to the documentary, I did not feel dirty after reading this book.  The author took great pains in presenting a palatable version of the porn star's life, a side we often don't think about.

From the Author
This is the story of my own journey, but not completely. While I wrote much of this book based off of my own life, Ally and Jessie's story is a lot different than mine. Ally tends to be a little nicer than I was during this trial in our marriage. Honestly, I relate more to Taylor, the porn star, in this book. Some people may think Taylor is the cliche porn star story, but her story was based off of many actual porn stars and ex-porn stars I met throughout this journey. While Ally is obviously closer to my heart in many ways, Taylor isn't far from the girl I used to be either. I think that's the biggest theme I want people to come away from when reading Exposed... that we are not very different from each other at all. As women, our hearts carry the same tune. I realized this while writing Exposed, and I hope my readers find this while reading it.

Women have bought into the false reality that they're the ones in control within the industry and control the shots.  This power comes at a high cost as it perverts sexuality, deadens you to what's real and gives you a warped view of yourself.
My brother and I had a very interesting conversation around this issue. Many men are affected by pornography.  There's another book out there that deals with this issue - Every Man's Battle.  (We'll discuss at another time).

Understand the things that make you prone to sin and remove them - And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.  Mark 9:47

Have you ever been affected by pornography?  Has it affected your marriage?  Do you talk about this with your spouse? 

MORE - Sharing My Faith

How do you share your faith?
Is your faith important enough to share?

I know for me, my faith is too good not to share; it's like finding a designer dress on sale for a ridiculously cheap price and wanting to tell everyone within ear shot.  My faith in Christ is that good!

However, sometimes I struggle with the how of sharing my faith and perhaps you do also.
Today we live in a cliche, feel good culture - if you're on the Internet or social media every other person is quoting a Bible verse or declaring something in the name of the Lord.  While I have no problem with people sharing over the Internet, it doesn't seem to add up.  If there are so many Christians out there, we should be turning the world upside down, instead as Christians we seem to have lost our way.

There are two scenarios when it comes to sharing:
By the time you share your faith, its a culmination of many actions and your hearers genuinely are curious about your intentions, motivations and heart.  Because of who you are and how you live, it's something to be coveted.

The other scenario is once you share your faith - all eyes are on you.  They don't know you, but now they're curious about you. They're trying to figure out if your actions are consistent with your beliefs.  So many times these two don't line up, which is why many people are turned off by those who call themselves Christians.

I worked with a young lady who brought her Bible to work daily and was always quoting scripture.  She only wore skirts and was modest in her appearance. It was a high pressured environment and I even remember having a conversation with my manager alluding to the fact that she brings her Bible to work with her so we should be all right.  He warily agreed with me.  Unfortunately, he was right about his reservations of her because in the long run she turned out to be one of the worse employees we'd ever had.  She was unreliable, lazy, and belligerent. I learned from that experience that just because you can quote it, doesn't mean you live it.  All of the Word applies to you, not just the parts you think are easy to follow.

I share my faith by my actions, by how I live, prayerfully and with knowledge. I never know when opportunities may arise, so I'm prepared by cultivating daily quiet time that's just me and the Lord. Sometimes I'm caught off guard, but that doesn't deter me. Sharing doesn't mean that everyone will be converted; it's simply telling and displaying something you have. I am encouraged by many verses, this being one of them: Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.  Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 7:20-21

It's not sufficient to talk it, you've got to live it.  Living it will produce natural opportunities to share. Bloom where you are planted - share.

How do you share your faith? Is it important to you?  Are "Christians" your best or worse employees (contractors, etc)? 

My Brother's Keeper

Last week a prominent person committed suicide and many were shocked and saddened by it, probably because of his age and his method of dying. Suicide happens; it's not the wisest choice, but an individual chooses this path.
Have you ever felt like you didn't matter? Like no one would care if you weren't here? That God doesn't love you or cares about what's happening to you? Have you ever felt so sad, that it feels like an ache that won't go away? Have you ever wondered if you're a victim of your circumstance? I have felt some of these feelings - but what I know today is that these are all lies. You matter - to others and to God. If you read the Bible you will know that Satan is the father of lies. John 8: 42-44.

Christians suffer with these feelings also - David, Elijah, Job, and Jeremiah are some people mentioned in the Bible who struggled with feelings of unworthiness and wanted to die.

But I want to flip this around and challenge you to be a good friend to the people in your life. Don't categorize your friends and call some of them acquaintances, or associates, or whatever name you give to people that you regularly interact with.
I'm challenging you to consider them all as friends. Get to know them - call them, chat with them, eat with them,  hang out with them.
Don't be a friend that neglects. I know life happens.  One of the saddest things about the recent suicide was a friend on the news saying he wished he had checked in more; as a friend, he had no idea what was going on.

Oftentimes when you're feeling down, just knowing that someone cares can make all the difference in the world. That's what helped me when I was in that place - knowing that someone cares but more importantly recognizing that God cares and I was not in this life alone.

Remember, a friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

In this year of MORE, I'm challenging myself to being a better friend to the people in my life.

Are you a good friend? Are any of your friends hurting? What are you doing to help them?

Conception Control

So after yesterday's post on very large families, it made me think about birth control or more specifically preventing the conception of children.

There is no particular mention of birth control anywhere in the Bible - yet clearly some control was employed. Everyone did not have a large family. Even though families were large all the children did not come from the same woman. Abraham was the father of many nations and he had children from Sarah and Hagar. Jacob had twelve sons but they were from four different women and for a time Rachel could not have any children. She died in childbirth after giving birth to her last child.

In Bible times, to be barren was a source of shame. Hanna prayed for children until God blessed her with Samuel.

In Bible times, carrying on the family line was important. Levirate marriage (Deut: 25:5-6) is a type of marriage in which the brother of a deceased man is obligated to marry his brother's widow, and the widow is obligated to marry her deceased husband's brother. If a brother was not available the next of kin could marry - this is what happened to Ruth.

From the Bible we know that God controls everything including the womb; He blessed Sarah with a child at the age of 90. The same can be said of Elisabeth; Mary the mother of Jesus never knew a man yet gave birth.

From the way our bodies are made we know that there are certain times a month where we can conceive.

We also know that if you're breastfeeding it reduces one's fertility - so if you are constantly pregnant and nursing for any length of time, the chances of a very large family are reduced.

We also know that some women can have children and some can't and today the stigma is not as huge as it was in Biblical times.

We also know that there are medical reasons to limit having children or to not have any - I have a friend that has severe scoliosis and it was considered a miracle that she was able to get pregnant and deliver a baby.

There's a movement known as the Quiverfull movement. Prior to yesterday, I'd never heard of it.

Even though a woman is married she is still responsible for her body; the coming together of husband and wife is by mutual consent. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says - The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Each sex here is put on exactly the same footing.

There's a resource out there called Christian Family Planning - I came across it from reading another blog called tolovehonorandvacuum where she queried her readers for their thoughts on birth control. Due to this post I learned of a method called Fertility Awareness Method [FAM]; I think in my time we called this the Rhythm Method.

What to do with all of the above?

God has given us the responsibility for many decisions in life, including how many children to have. Does using birth control imply that we don't trust God? I don't think so. I think it is an area that requires pray and wisdom from God. When we manage our responsibilities it does not mean that we have stopped trusting God.

How did you approach your birth control decisions? Is preventing the conception of children a display of lack of trust in God? Any other thoughts?

20 Children and Counting........

Breaking news today is that the Duggars are expecting baby # 20 in April 2011. She is 45 years old. This will be the biggest gap between any of their children - the 19th child was born in 2009.

I know children are a blessing from the Lord and everyone should have their quiver full - so some may have one, some four, some none, but 20? I have a brother that has 5 and a good friend that has 7.

I come from a large family - they were 9 of us. I saw the work involved in maintaining a large family; a huge amount of the physical work of rearing children fell on my mother. My father was the one who worked outside the home and was the disciplinarian. I remember as a child, that laundry was never done. Guess who had to fold baskets of cloth diapers in those days? I HATED IT. My mother didn't seemed to thrilled about all the work involved either. House work was never ending. She loved us but didn't seem happy about the toll it took on her.

These thoughts colored my perceptions when I got married. I knew going in that I DID NOT want 9 children. My husband came from a family of 2 and initially wanted 5! After 3, we both agreed that was enough. We have four children - our quiver is full.

Honestly, it always rubs me the wrong way when I read of the Duggars. It seems excessive and extreme. I don't really understand why families put their lives under the microscope by being on TV constantly. I take no issue with their financial situation - just the fact that they keep having children, even if it is a blessing from God.

Ultimately, a couple’s motives for how many children they have are between them and God - I know this in my heart.

Without castigating the Duggars, please share your thoughts in the comments.

Can one have too many blessings? If you came from a large family, do you now have a large family?

Abortion...sigh

I really wished that Dr. Yang on Grey's Anatomy did not go through with her abortion last night.

My first introduction to abortion was while working at a summer job in the late 80s as a File Clerk. This job was one of the worst jobs in creation - so bad that I never listed it on my resume. The requirements of the job were to file pertinent papers pertaining to a client’s file all day. For 8 hours this was all we did. The pay was horrid - minimum wage. The room where all of this filing took place was grey, full of files and about the size of a standard basement. My co workers were all women from different walks of life; I remember that some of the girls smoked marijuana religiously on their lunch hour and seemed to have been beaten down by life even though they were relatively young. Then there was an older lady probably in her late 30s; she was married and was doing this job as a means to support her family. One day she told me that she wouldn't be coming in for the next three days because she was pregnant, but she couldn't afford to have another child so her and her husband were going to take care of it. She didn't seem comfortable telling me this as a matter fact she seemed quite pained, but it seemed that they had decided this was the best they could do at the time. This was my first introduction to abortion and I thought to myself this is surely not how it's portrayed in the media.

Fast forward a couple of years - I'm now married, have a couple of children and am working. I worked with a young lady who was very “giving” of herself, and if she got pregnant, she aborted. When I met her, she had already had three abortions, but was still living the same way. I tried to influence the best I could, but I don't know if I made difference. I hope I did.

Every election year, abortion comes up. I don't see how abortion becomes a litmus test for who is a great politician or who will run the country well. In my mind, both parties are guilty since neither is acting on the greatest commandment, which is to love. Any how, within my circle of friends I randomly decided to ask if anyone ever had an abortion. To my surprise more than half of the group had.

So what has all of this taught me?

• For the most part a woman does not come to this decision lightly.
• Last night on TV - they said it’s better to have no child than an unwanted child; I can't agree with this. In the long run a career does not equate to a human life.
• Having children forces you to think outside of yourself; I know all of us aren't always ready for it when it happens, but you learn to put yourself aside.
• If you're here - someone did it for you. They might not have done it perfectly, but you're here and you now have an opportunity for hope; an opportunity to do things differently.
• Once you've gone through a pregnancy and delivery you recognize the miracle of creating another life - even if the circumstances around the pregnancy aren't ideal.
• When you abort they're lingering feelings/emotions that may show up at the oddest times for both you and the dad.

I am pro-life but not judgmental. I recognize that life is complicated and sometimes things happen that we wouldn’t have planned for ourselves. Bad things happen to good people all the time. But I know I’m not always in control of my circumstances. When difficult situations arise, I turn to God to provide wisdom and direction. Turning to God will not lead you in the wrong direction.

So if you’re wrestling with this, forget the politicians. Be still. Stop – do nothing. Talk to God and let Him lead you in the right direction.

I will leave you with Psalms 139 which has helped me many times, particularly verses 13-18. God made you (and your unborn children) and knows you.