Sleep When the Baby Sleeps - God's Gentle Reminder

Motherhood brings with it a flood of emotions — joy, wonder, exhaustion, and sometimes uncertainty. In the middle of it all, there are bits of timeless wisdom passed down through generations, whispering reminders of grace and care. One such piece of advice deeply shaped my early days as a mom.

I'll Never Tire of Mother's Day

Some people have a love-hate relationship with Mother's Day. I'm not one of those people; I absolutely love the day.

Motherhood is no easy task, and anything we do to celebrate mothers is worthwhile. Now I'm not saying go out and spend money you don't have, but if a day forces you to acknowledge what you can be doing often, then it's worthwhile.

And I know some don't have the best relationship with their mothers; I know all mothers aren't saints or well-meaning. I know motherhood might have been a surprise for some, and they didn't handle it well. I know some mothers never treated their offspring kindly. This is the complexity of human nature that we all wrestle with.

I had no aspirations of being a mother, yet I became one four times over. For me, motherhood forced me to grow; to view life differently through the lens of a child at various stages. Motherhood empowered me; it made me realize that I could do things differently, especially if I didn't like the way things were done to me and how they made me feel. Motherhood made me smarter; I learned to listen to my children recognizing there is lots of wisdom in the mouth of babes. Motherhood gave me discernment forcing me to do what's best for me and mine. Motherhood humbled me; I know nothing, yet these little ones are looking at me like I must know everything. And though I never planned on it, motherhood taught me sacrifice. I've sacrificed goals and possessions in the name of putting others needs before mine. I didn't even know I could do this, but I did it over and over again. One last thing - motherhood made me realize I'm multifaceted. I can do many things, including being a mom. Motherhood is not the be all and end-all that we sometimes make it out to be.

I think humans are wired for acknowledgement and affirmation. This day was initially created to honor the sacrifices mothers make for their children. When we honor another person, we are showing that their efforts are not in vain and they are not taken for granted. It's very easy to take people for granted, even if you never intended to. Everyone needs a pat on the back, if only for a day.

I hope you'll make the best of the day regardless of your situation. Enjoy the day and the weekend.

--Nylse

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What I've Learned from Marriage and Motherhood

“Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew? Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two?  The Candy Man…. The Candy Man can. The candy man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.” I first heard the Sammy Davis version of this song on the radio and sang it to myself often. I never realized that I would have my own version of a popular candy: M&M’s®.

A Popular Candy

M&M’s themselves began as a reproduction of a foreign candy, named after two candy makers whose fathers were both candy magnates – Forrest Mars and Bruce Murrie. While abroad, Forrest Mars Sr. noticed British soldiers eating small, pill-sized candies called Smarties, made of a chocolate center and a hard candy shell. He was shocked to see that the candies held up in the summer heat and were small and easy to transport. Armed with his new knowledge, he moved back to the states to claim his spot in his father’s company. He secured a patent for the

My Other Mom is Gone

I remember the first time I met her. My then-boyfriend had spent a bit of time describing his mother to me, but his description did not adequately prepare me for who she was. 

When I first saw her at the airport, I can still see her face to this day. It was stern but welcoming; however, I was not put off by her. I was never afraid of her and always felt comfortable around her. She was staring straight ahead, with perfectly coiffed hair with an outfit that displayed her status in this world. 

But it was her face that struck me. At first glance, she looked nothing like my husband; her complexion was similar to mine, and we were about the same height and size. It turns out these superficial commonalities cemented our bond over

A Thread of Unity

My mother was a seamstress. It was a joy in her life, something that made her proud but also made her happy. That she enjoyed creating beautiful creations was something that always resonated with me.  It's like my mom always had this mentality - creating beauty where few could see it and then hearing the praise because of her creations; she was a visionary - she saw it all along.

Whenever my mother sewed, the first thing she started with was a pattern. The pattern provided directions for cutting each piece, sizing, and stitching with the finished garment in mind. I found it intriguing, for I never imagined that a sleeve, for example, in a pattern could look so different than what I typically viewed as a sleeve. But as I watched her work, it made sense. She would clear the table, spread out her fabric, pin the pattern pieces to the fabric, then cut out the pieces. Then she would pin them together to get an idea of what the finished product would look like. 

Meditation and Marination

When I was a child, my Barbadian mother had a routine that you could set your clock by. Saturdays were dedicated to cleaning and preparation for Sunday, so on Saturdays, my mom spent a significant amount of time preparing and seasoning the meat for Sunday's dinner.

First, she took great care in cleaning the meat - beef chicken or lamb. She lifted skin, removed fat, removed blood and veins, and went through every nook and cranny of that meat to ensure it was clean and edible. Sometimes she would then soak the meat in lemon juice and salt. Next, she would rinse it off and season using herbs and spices: a little salt since my dad had to watch his blood pressure, Mrs. Dash, onions, garlic, thyme, pimento and any additional seasoning that would enhance the flavor profile she was going for. Finally, she would place the meat in a covered bowl and let it sit in the fridge for hours. This was a crucial step in ensuring that the meat was flavorful.

Later that evening she would cook this meat so that all that happened on Sunday after church was reheating.

Woman of the Word - My Mother

If you stay open and allow yourself to experience everything you feel, you just may realize your emotional capacity. The reality is I miss my mother. We weren't always close in that classic mother-daughter sense or the way I am with my daughters because we came at this thing called life differently. From what she shared of her upbringing with me over time it wasn't idyllic, and some parts were hard. It was hard for me to hear but also hard for her to live through. It gave me a new appreciation for my mother.

When I got married and eventually became a mother, I realized that I am who I am because of my mother. I was strict - because of my mother. I was frank and blunt - because of my mother. I was exacting - because of my mother. I liked all of those things. I disliked that I was a yeller - because of my mother. The yelling forced me to become introspective and separate the good from the bad; because overall my mother was a good mother.

And then when I was tired as a mother and only because I was a mother, I realized my mother must have also been exhausted, often.

The Mentors We Need as Mothers

My phone seems to have a mind of its own where it inadvertently dials random people at improbable times. One morning I noticed that it had dialed Barb.  About an hour later Barb called back, and we had a divinely inspired conversation.

You know those older women mentioned in Titus 2:3-5? Barb is one of those women; a teacher of good things. She has an unpretentious manner which makes you share without being judged; you just feel loved. We talked about parenting grown children - does it ever end? She understood what I meant.  We spoke about Proverbs 22:6 - training up a child in the way they should go and when they are old. I shared that sometimes I don't have the fortitude to withstand the training up, and then the gap of time as it

My Son and Me

This post catches me by surprise as I never expected to have this depth of emotion around the relationship I have with my son. My son already holds a special place in my heart as he was my first child and he is the only boy. My son introduced me to motherhood, and it was a really pleasant introduction. I've never had complicated pregnancies or deliveries; as a matter of fact, I gave birth to all 4 children without any pain meds (I'm either strong or stupid!). When I had my son, I can't say I knew what love was immediately, but over time I learned.

My son was a pleasant baby with an easy going disposition. He was always a foodie who ate well. As a matter of fact, because I was a new mother and he was a good eater, I didn't introduce foods properly so when he developed allergies, I was never sure what he was allergic

Braving Imperfect Motherhood

In honor of Mother's Day, I'm posting today instead of Monday. Hallmark would have you believe that this day has only one flavor. Read on for my experience.

Before experiencing motherhood for myself, I had this expectation that I was going to be a better mother than my mother ever was. That is, if I was ever going to be a mother at all. To be clear, I had a healthy childhood and my mother did a masterful job at caring for all of her children but as far as I could see motherhood was a tiring, messy task, with little to no reward.

These thoughts were so deeply ingrained, were it up to me, I would have lived my life to ensure that children were not on my radar.

Time for a New Start

All of a sudden, August 14th seems to be the date when most schools resume all over these United States (did you catch the irony in the name of this country? I digress). The Little One started high school on Monday and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. She is my late in life child, the child of my old age, our surprise blessing. Prior to discovering I was pregnant with her, I was seeing my way across the finish line and looking forward to a respite from childrearing. This time, I'm much closer, and there will be no surprises.

She started High School with all of its promises of new beginnings, experiences, and excitement. As an older parent, I'm there for her but I'm also nudging her to embrace the good that High School has to offer. As I've prayed for all of my children, I'm more cognizant of how to intercede for her in light of what's happening around us.

I pray for peace; I pray that she has a peaceful disposition and that she is a peacemaker.
I pray that she has no anxiety and that when she becomes uneasy, she is reassured that she need not be anxious about anything.
I pray for favor with her teachers, guidance counselors, administration and any position of authority that she interacts with.
I pray that she is surrounded by good friends and that she is a bright light to all; that her light will shine.
I pray for protection from people and things that mean her harm.
I pray for bravery to combat injustice and to speak up as needed.
I pray for wisdom and discernment.
I pray for determination and strength as there will be things that she will just have to persevere through - whether it's dealing with a tough project, making a team or short-sightedness on her part.
I pray for memory to recall God's word that is hidden in her heart; to recall what she has studied.
I pray that she will be a friend to the friendless.I pray that she exudes joy.

I have prayed a variation of these prayers for my children daily as they navigated the halls of learning and will continue to do so. I found these scripture bracelets on Groupon and got her one with her favorite verse on it so she could have a visual reminder of God's promises.

We're all in need of fresh starts. This country is in need of a fresh start, just as the thousands of students who start school annually. In the midst of transition let's not forget the importance of prayer. At the beginning of this school year, let's take a moment to pray for our children, their teachers, their schools, their communities, their homes, their countries. Perhaps the Little Ones, empowered by love from praying parents, can truly initiate the fresh start we all need.

Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Always be joyful. 

Never stop praying. 

1 Thessalonians 5:14-17

It's time for a new start; start with prayer.

--Nylse

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What's With the Whining?

What's with the men of Ephraim? In Judges 8:1 the men of Ephraim asked Gideon "Why did you fight the Midianites and didn't call us?" Recall that Gideon asked for men to fight and received a huge response - 32,000 men. It's highly implausible that the men of Ephraim were excluded from this call. Gideon handled their question with tact and diplomacy and diffused what could have become an ugly situation.

In Judges 12, they made a similar accusation to Jephthah - "Why'd you fight the children of Ammon and not tell us?" They also threatened to burn Jephthah's house down.

Jephthah seems to be a no-nonsense, cut to the chase kind of guy because he responded by saying, "I called for you and you didn't help, so God helped and delivered me."

Then Jephthah ended this nonsense once for all - he and his men fought against the men of Ephraim. Apparently, the men of  Ephraim were better talkers than fighters for the scripture gives the impression that they were easily captured. Even in war,  the men of Ephraim tried to be coy and evasive but Jephthah was one step ahead of them. He asked the Ephraimites to pronounce Shibboleth knowing that most of them did not pronounce the h due to a regional dialect. (It would be the equivalent of asking someone to pronounce tomato - depending on where you are from you would pronounce it differently). If you said Sibboleth it identified you as an Ephraimite and you met your end that day. 42,000 Ephraimites were killed that day and we never hear of the men of Ephraim complaining again.

According to 'Psychology Today' whining is when the dissatisfaction voiced is trivial or inconsequential and not worthy of special attention. There is a distinction between complaining and whining; whining is worse. Complaining involves voicing fair and legitimate dissatisfaction with the goal of attaining a resolution or remedy. When we voice legitimate dissatisfaction but do so without the goal of attaining a resolution we are merely venting.

The Ephraimites were cowards and chronic complainers who spoke up after the fact. This type makes leadership challenging because as a leader you have to assess the validity of a whiner's complaint and then determine how to address it. Gideon diffused it but Jephthah got rid of it. Instead of whining after the fact, state your case and your willingness to assist, when plans are being made so that it is clear what your motives are and where your heart lies. Complaining and whining especially after the fact can lead to unintended dire consequences. Whining can wear a leader out - think parent and child or team leader and team members. A whiner is not usually viewed in a positive light. As a parent, if you have a child that's a constant whiner, it wears on you (and of course we can't handle our whining child like Jephthah did though a similar thought may run across our minds (but that may just be me)).

There's another interesting lesson here - you are known by how you speak. I have an accent, so when I speak one of the first questions asked is "Where am I from?" This is a loaded question because I'm often not sure how to initially respond.  As humans when we interact with a youngster who speaks well and does not whine we almost automatically wonder who is this child and who are his parents. You want to see the source of the child's behavior; in the same manner, our speech should shine as Christians. As a Christian, you can be clearly identified by how you speak.

Jephthah judged Israel for 6 years - one of the shortest on record, and then he died.

If you are a whiner, sincerely submit this to Lord. This may be a hard habit to change but you may benefit sooner than you anticipate as whining endears you to no one. As a leader, be prayerful and mindful as you determine the best course of action for dealing with whiners.

The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you. Matthew 12:37

Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. 

Matthew 7:20

Are you a whiner? If you're a whiner, why do you whine? As a leader, how do you diffuse whining?

--Nylse

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Raising Children

The process of making bread is similar to raising children.

The basic recipe is relatively simple with few ingredients; but in order to get bread, we must combine, mold, shape (even pummel) all the ingredients together. Then we must let the dough sit, until it rises.

Once it rises, we separate the dough and depending on our recipe, let it rise further before placing it in the oven.

Once it comes out of the oven, it's beautiful and ready to be eaten. One of my favorite memories as a child was eating slices of fresh baked bread with butter on Saturday afternoons.

In Proverbs 22:6 [KJV]we read, train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 31:28 [KJV] says, her children rise up and call her blessed. 

As mothers, we train our children by teaching, molding character, disciplining, hugging and being practical examples for them. Sometimes the hardest part is to just sit and wait while the bread is rising. Everything went in that is needed to make a loaf of bread, but with children, we don't know how long it will take for them to rise; for them to rise up and call us blessed.

I've had to sit and wait as my oldest went through a wayward stage. This child went off to college and probably had the typical college experience - enjoying his freedom away from home just a tad bit too much. When he came back home, I sometimes felt as if I didn't know him. But since he was an adult now, I learned it was better to pray and believe the promises of God's word than to constantly nag or harass him. So I prayed daily. I prayed constantly. I prayed often. My husband and I both prayed. Today, this young man is someone who lives to please the Lord; a young man who is not ashamed of what Christ has done and is doing in his life. He embodies Romans 12:1-2. But during his season, I had to wait and hope and pray and wait as God worked and formed him into the perfect loaf of bread.

Through my children, I know that the promises of God's word are true. As I've waited with each child, I don't wait idly. I wait with a belief that God's promises aren't empty and they will come to fruition. I wait as an exercise of faith. I wait hopefully.

So let's do our part in raising our children and trust that when they are old, they will not depart from our training and will rise up and call us blessed.

Traditional White bread Recipe

I Will Not Live In Fear; Here's Why

As a mother of a black son living in America, I could have succumbed to fear a long time ago. When you're constantly bombarded with news of black men suffering excruciatingly at the hands of police officers, it can do something to your psyche. When every shooting seems to justify the blatant disregard for life, it hurts. When one is indeed innocent, that message gets lost in the black and white story. This is not a new phenomenon, though in the past week it seems to have reached a boiling point. Within my circle of close friends and family, most of the men have a story of being wrongly stopped by police - within their neighborhoods, on their way home, and when they least expected. I won't sit here and tell you what to do and how to act when stopped by the police, for though that is good, that too has its flaws.

From the time of my son's birth to the present, I've had an opportunity to be fearful or faith full. I choose to live by faith and not by fear. Living by fear makes you paranoid; makes you skittish; makes you not trust others, torments you in your dark hours. You can't relax whenever your child or husband leaves the house, and while it's normal to a degree for parents to worry, this degree of worry is sickening; it literally can make you sick.

I choose to live by faith grounded in God's word. It's a faith in God that gives me courage; it's a faith that gives wisdom; it's a faith that gives strength. When I was afraid for my son, I prayed and God gave me peace. The more I prayed, the more peace I received. My son one day told me, "Mummy, you don't have to live in fear." That statement combined with my prayers gave me more peace than I can put into words.

I would encourage mothers to pray - but not with resignation but with an expectation that God will protect our boys and men. God will change hearts of those in authority. God will remove the systemic blocks that are in place in our society. God will raise up leaders, mothers, you and me to affect change in our society. We can't do it in our own strength; as we look around we can see the fruits of that. But with God guiding us, a different day is coming.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1 [KJV]

Ye that fear the Lord, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield. Psalms 115:11 [KJV]

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? Psalms 118:6 [KJV]

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 [KJV]

Fear or Faith? How are you coping?

Work Life Balance

On the fourth Thursday of each April, more than 37 million Americans at over 3.5 million workplaces participate in "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day."(source: Forbes.com)

This year marks the program’s twenty-first anniversary. Initially, this day was called "Take Our Daughters to Work Day," but then it was recognized that parents, not just mothers, probably wanted to model working for their children, not just their daughters. Regardless of what is called, when I worked in corporate America I found this day very interesting.

First, companies embraced it with gusto and planned activities for children and even provided childcare. Then the gusto faded - and as an employee, it was OK to have your children with you on this day. It wasn't an off day as you were at work, but how much work got accomplished was anyone's guess. I don't know what happens nowadays since I currently work from home or consult.

Ironically, when children were at work it was harder to work. Depending on the age of your children, it was hard for them to grasp the concept that you sitting at your desk and "working" was actually work. For example, they did not get all the details that went into making a decision, so there were questions and other interruptions. The organization I worked with pampered the kids - they had the best chocolate chip cookies and fun activities throughout the day. My children were well behaved (and cute) so other adults wanted to engage them in conversation. The mother in me would encourage the conversation while at the same time being wary of kids being kids. Work-life balance was not achieved on this day.

The premise of this day may be convoluted but the old adage,"children learn what they live," is true; children model the behaviors we have demonstrated for them in all areas - not just at home or at work.

I grew up in the Bahamas and this day did not exist back then. My father was the Foreman/Manager at the Bahamas Electric Company. He had a good rapport with his employees for as children we knew many of them by name. Oftentimes they would pick us up and drive us to school. It was then we realized how well-respected he was. I never went to his place of work but the way he spoke about his job and the respect shown to him by his employees were indicators that he enjoyed what he did. He was also generally happy in those days. On the other hand, my mom stayed home. My primary impressions of my mom were that she was a hard worker - she was not lazy; she was resourceful and she loved to sew. My mother seemed happiest at her sewing machine. I absorbed the skill of sewing from my mom. I think at one point my mother also attended secretarial school. One of the skills she learned was shorthand. She taught me shorthand;I wish I still remembered it today. I learned important lessons from my parents and how they handled work. My parents were aspirational - I saw from their example that a willingness to work opened up a world of possibilities.

Work is a part of life; it's not only something that you do outside of the home. Work is valuable and its worth is seen in how we are compensated. When children are very young, as a mother, work-life balance seems to be in the forefront of your brain. Everyone struggles with finding a balance but men view work-life balance differently from women. Many women are often thinking of tasks to be done even while at work. I hear it's no easier being a SAHM (so as an aside, I wish the motherhood wars would end; there's no need to pit moms against each other and it's even worse when it comes from other Christians). But children grow up and the balance shifts over time.

You are responsible for your life and therefore how you balance your priorities. It's nice to have companies recognize that striking a balance is important, but it's even more important that you do so.

My priorities start with God, and then I would say everything else falls into place. If I were a bit more specific I think it might look something like this: God, Me, Family, and Everything else.  My faith is central to who I am, so if God is not first in my life, I don't know where or what I would be. He's been first in my life for a long time and that's not changing. But I've noticed that when I don't prioritize myself, many of the other priorities fall apart. Over time I've learned how important it is to take care of me. This may be  oversimplified, but this is how I attempt to achieve the ever elusive work-life balance.

Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33 [NLT]

And yet, 

“Better to have one handful with quietness

than two handfuls with hard work

and chasing the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6 [NLT]

How do you achieve a semblance of balance? What were your experiences with "Take Our Children to Work Day?"

Potty Training

Source

Potty training made me realize that parenting was going to be a bit more complicated than I anticipated.

Before I had children, I determined that they would be well behaved and obedient; they would have good manners, excel in school and be all around good children, all because this is what I wanted.

And then I had children.

Potty training the first child - my son, was a bit of an adventure. Everyone said boys are harder than girls so I anticipated some difficulty. It was a Saturday and I placed him in underpants. I told him when he had to use the bathroom to go to the potty or to let me know when he had to go;  at this point in time I don't remember. What I do remember was him not understanding initially, so when he had to go, he stood right where he was and made a puddle.  I remember spanking him on the butt and telling him the next time he has to go, go to the bathroom. Well that spank worked, and by the end of the day he had the hang of it and there were no more accidents. Soon he was potty trained.

Looking back- I realized that this child wanted to please.

Then came my first daughter. Potty training her was a non-event. It was time to be a big girl, and a big girl she became. I don't remember any accidents or protracted discussions.

Looking back - I realized this child was efficient.

So by now when the third child comes along I figure I'm a pro at potty training. I've potty trained two children and we're still standing. I approach potty training this child, a girl, with confidence, which I would soon learn was misplaced. I did everything I did with the first two but nothing worked; absolutely nothing. This child was content to wallow around in her filth even though she knew it was time to be a big girl. I remember giving up and saying to myself, "I've never seen an 18 year old in diapers, so I'm sure we'll eventually figure this out." What saved me was her preschool teacher; basically she had more patience than I.

Looking back - I realized this child was strong-willed.

Source

Before potty training, I never took in to account the individual personalities of each child. After potty training I was keenly aware of this and learned that the approach needs to be tailored based on the child. I'm glad I had this light-bulb moment when they were quite young. Though we are all made in the image of God, each of us has our own unique personality - we are variations on a theme. I realized that I couldn't rely solely on my knowledge, but I had to rely on the One who made these children. The point was, whenever I thought I knew something, I was humbled by a child teaching me to do things a different way. The child was never in charge, but as a parent I was willing to make adjustments to get the best result.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 [NLT]

Did you learn anything profound from potty training your children? What preconceived notions did you have about parenting before becoming a parent?

Update - I have 4 children; it's not that I didn't learn anything from potty training her but she is a work in progress so I didn't mention her. By the time she came around I learned not to rely on prior knowledge but to approach this with no pre-conceived notions. She is not as strong-willed as child #3, but seems to be a combination of #1 and #2. Suffice it to say, I did not forget her. To my attentive readers - thank you for noticing.

War Room and Marriage

Source

Today my husband and I saw War Room - the movie that brings a Christian spiritual perspective to the masses. Before I saw this movie marriage was on my mind:

It's a good thing - it has the ability to bring out the best in you through much trial and error. Just like in raising children, there's no definitive formula for having a successful marriage but there are traits that improve the situation.  Living and loving closely isn't always smooth sailing, but the importance of a solid foundation becomes prominent as you navigate the ups and downs of life.

Iron sharpens iron - the best in you sharpens the best in him and vice versa.

Don't neglect yourself for the sake of your marriage - this is often overlooked. Nowadays it sounds like taking "me" time with a focus on physical renewal. However if you had a solid walk, and a strong pray life, prior to marriage then this is something that you need to continue. This practice produces the best you. When two become one, it's two solid people that do so. To neglect this individual aspect of your union does not a strong union make.  It seems counter intuitive - but when two people have strong walks and come together and continue their individual spiritual practices while at the same time adding  to it, the union becomes stronger. The spiritual aspect affects the rest of you. Your pray time and time with God, literally provides practical application for day to day living. It is one of the most effective ways to affect change in your relationship.

Source

One of the comments from the movie was, "It's hard being a woman." When I would say this, my husband would say, "It's hard being a man." I would have to agree with both statements. Some of the hardness has to do with cultural expectations combined with personality and general expectations. Being in relationship with others brings out the best and the worst in us, because though married we are still human with all of our flaws in addition to everything else.

I like that War Room shows a version of marriage most people don't see, in a demographic that is often overlooked. We've heard people talk and heard the Christian cliches, but the movie provides a visual representation of:

Praying for each other instead of trying to change each other - Elizabeth's prayer life has lapsed due to the busyness of life. But she knows and loves the Lord. Her husband, Tony seems to be even more cursory in his walk and his faith doesn't appear to have an impact on his daily life. This shows up in his actions at work, and how he treats his family. Elizabeth is burdened by the state of her marriage and wants it to change, but she seems to be at her wits end. Enter Ms. Clara who has seen how prayer changes things. There comes a point in the story where Elizabeth is forced to pray and she takes Ms. Clara's lessons to heart and establishes a War Room in her house - a place that is quiet and private where she can spend uninterrupted time with the Lord - and begins to pray earnestly for her marriage, her husband, her family, her house, and herself.

Christians can make dumb mistakes - Tony has made some poor choices and ultimately loses his job. Elizabeth knows her husband's flaws, but because she is no longer focusing on him and what he's not doing she can respond in a way that astounds him and forces him to search his heart and ultimately confess, repent to his wife and God, and change his ways.

Spiritual warfare - As Elizabeth prays for her family, she recognizes that she is fighting a battle in prayer. Sometimes when we have minor arguments that erupt in to big things I wonder how we got here. At these times, it is distinctly impressed on my heart that the devil does not like thriving Christian families and creates distractions that take our eyes off of our purpose. As Elizabeth prayed she recognized that something was trying to tear her family apart, but no more. In the mighty name of Jesus, it had to flee. When you recognize the enemy you are dealing with, you can pray smartly so that he is defeated.

Mentoring - Ms. Clara wasn't always a prayer warrior; she didn't always know how to pray and didn't always read the Bible. But now that she is, and she has seen visible proof in the transformation of Elizabeth, she charges Elizabeth to do the same for another person. She shares with Elizabeth how seeing her grow has strengthened her faith as well.

I have found that praying and spending time with the Lord, provides wisdom that you just do not have unless you do so. It gives you the courage to act and speak wisely. You have a confidence that belies your current situation. Now, I don't have a physical war room in my house and I don't typically write my prayers down. I have a prayer time daily in the quiet of the day where I read and pray. I know the importance of pray and set aside time to do so daily.

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Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. Ephesians 6:18 [NLT]

Do you pray for your marriage? Do you pray for your spouse? Will you see this movie?

Mom of The Year

After Kevin Durant's touching MVP speech, I may not be a contender for the Mom of the Year.

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But really, what is the mom of the year? Who determines if you're a good mom to the children that were entrusted to you? Who knows the sacrifice you make for your offspring?
Who can understand the person you've become since motherhood changed you?
Why do we give out, or even rely on these titles?

If you've birthed a child, changed a diaper, examined poop, removed mucus, tricked a child in to eating - you're mom of the year.
If you've wiped skinned knees, and elbows, or felt sad when your child was hurt - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself standing up for your child in ways you never expected - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself wanting to protect your offspring from every bad thing - you're mom of the year.
If you  equip your child as best as you can to deal with every possible situation - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself yelling because they've done something dumb, yet regretting it later - you're mom of the year.
If you've punished them, though it hurts you - you're mom of the year.
If you've instilled discipline - you're mom of the year.
If you've loved their friends like they are your own - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself crying when they first leave home - you're mom of the year.
If you find yourself cooking their favorite meals because they're coming to visit - you're mom  of the year.
If you always want the best for your children - you're mom of the year.

I re-read Hannah's story recently - she too was a mom of the year. For many years she prayed for a child and promised the Lord that if he granted her request, she would give him back to the Lord. She became pregnant, and after he was weaned (anywhere between 2-3 years) she entrusted him to the priest, Eli, just as she promised. But she went on to have 5 more children. For whatever reason, her first child made her pray and make a promise to God. Children do that to us, don't they?

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Motherhood is not the be all or end all, but it is fulfilling and matures you in an unexpected way. If you're not a mom, be sure to show your mom some appreciation; let her know that she's your mom of the year. If you're mother, don't beat yourself up; enjoy all the moments of being a mom and even if your children don't say it now, may they rise up and called you blessed, as you embody the qualities of mom of the year.

Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her. Proverbs 31:28 (NLT)

Happy Mothers Day!

25 on 25 - Believe the Best

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I embarked on the adventure of a lifetime on March 25th, 1989. That was the day I got married to my wonderful husband.

As we are approaching our 25th anniversary in March, over the next couple of months on the 25th I'll try to share some of what I've learned on this journey.

Even in your darkest days, don't ever quit on your marriage. Believe the best of each other as this will sustain you when it appears that their aim in life is to perpetually annoy you. If you believe the best of each other, you will know that this is not true. As a young mother, I was OVERWHELMED with all that it took to being a mother, a wife, maintaining a house, working outside of home -  just to name a few. In this state, I only saw things from my vantage point and it never seemed like my husband was doing enough to help me and this manifested itself in ugly ways. The reality was, we were both overwhelmed and each of us was doing our damnedest to make things work. Some of this stuff is unavoidable, but as you mature you learn to view and respond to things differently.

But now that we've made it this far, we know now that it is all right. We're better able to talk and have the hard conversations.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 (I love this verse!)

We both know that we are loved and we don't take that lightly.

Book Review - Mom & Me & Mom By Maya Angelou

I've been reading plenty lately; actually I've visited the library quite a few times and have been borrowing and reading books the old fashioned way - o the bliss. I saw reviews for Maya Angelou's Mom & Me & Mom, and they were overwhelmingly positive.

The mother daughter relationship can be one of the more complicated relationships in life; I have experienced its complications with my own mother and sometimes experience it with my daughters.

Maya's mom appears atypical - but at the heart of it all, she was simply a woman trying to do the best with what she was entrusted. Early on when Maya and her brother were 3 and 5 respectively, her mother sent them to her mother to be raised, because she did not know what she was doing. When they were about 13 and 15 they were sent back up north in California to reunite with their mother. I did not know that Maya Angelou's foundation was in Northern California.

Maya was very upfront with mother for being abandoned and her mother accepted it; she apologized. That was the start of the rich display of a mother's love. Her mother supported her in any endeavor she attempted. When she became a mother at 15, her mother was very practical about the whole thing - "Do you love him? No; no use in ruining three lives then." To her mother, this was a slight inconvenience, not an opportunity for scandal.

Maya Angelou has a beautiful economy of words; her sentences are short and to the point, but joined together they tell a rich story. Maya's mom was a dynamo, and with Maya back in her life she remained a dynamo. Her mom, Vivian Baxter was admired by most of San Francisco's black community. If it had not been for her mother's love and total acceptance and respect on both sides, we may have never heard of Maya Angelou.  Her mother told her, you are one of the greatest women I have ever met, and that was not an empty sentiment.

"Baby, I've been thinking and now I'm sure, you are the greatest woman I've ever met. You are very kind and very intelligent and those elements are not always found together. Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt, Dr. Mary Mcleod Bethune and my mother - yes you belong in that category. Here give me a kiss." That is just a powerful statement. 

There are many other examples in the book of the mother daughter dance to total acceptance and love for each other.

This book was written to examine some of the ways love heals and helps a person to climb impossible heights and rise from immeasurable depths. I hope I can inspire my children as Maya Angelou's mom did.