Woman of the Word - My Mother

If you stay open and allow yourself to experience everything you feel, you just may realize your emotional capacity. The reality is I miss my mother. We weren't always close in that classic mother-daughter sense or the way I am with my daughters because we came at this thing called life differently. From what she shared of her upbringing with me over time it wasn't idyllic, and some parts were hard. It was hard for me to hear but also hard for her to live through. It gave me a new appreciation for my mother.

When I got married and eventually became a mother, I realized that I am who I am because of my mother. I was strict - because of my mother. I was frank and blunt - because of my mother. I was exacting - because of my mother. I liked all of those things. I disliked that I was a yeller - because of my mother. The yelling forced me to become introspective and separate the good from the bad; because overall my mother was a good mother.

And then when I was tired as a mother and only because I was a mother, I realized my mother must have also been exhausted, often.

The Beauty of Grief

Grief is a complex emotion. To grieve indicates loss usually of something or someone precious and dear. There are no pat answers to grief and no one prescribed way to handle grief. There is a time to mourn and a time to rejoice (Ecclesiastes 3:4), so while there's no time frame there's a limit to grief. When Naomi lost her husband and subsequently her sons it seemed as if her world was falling apart. She was in a strange land, with no immediate family and two daughters in law - Ruth, and Orpah. In her grief, she decided it was best to go back home but Ruth chose to stay with her. Ruth chose to leave her country and cling to, travel with her mother in law. Ruth was also alone, for her husband, Naomi's son had died. So it was a circle of grief. But grief provided the impetus to go home, for Naomi, and may have allowed Ruth to connect with her. Ruth clung to Naomi (Ruth 1:14).

Grief isn't all bad. It gave these two women courage to travel alone and return to Bethlehem. It provided clarity and a little foolhardiness as it was rare for two women to be traveling alone over a lengthy period of time in those days. This journey may have taken anywhere from seven to ten days and it involved steep elevations and river crossings. All of that physical activity may have dulled the grief that both felt as they could only rely on God and each other. We know how the story of Naomi and Ruth ends, but they both had to go through their grief to get to the other side.

The anniversary of my mother's passing is September 1st and while sometimes I feel lost, the majority of the time since my mother's passing I have felt purposeful. Her death has lit a fire under my butt that reinforces that life is too short, life is for living, and there's no need to be afraid to try anything. Yes in a strange way my mother's death has given me a new lease on life. Since her passing, I have experienced a range of emotions. For example, when my mother was transitioning, and I saw how unmoored my dad was becoming I crazily thought that if my husband and I could die at the same time it would be good. Losing a life partner is difficult. There were established routines, and in death, there are no more.

I'm sure Naomi felt unsure of herself with the loss of her husband. And then when she thought she was getting a handle on things, her sons died. Even in grief, life goes on. In your grief, you may initially feel like Naomi - like the Lord has raised his fist to you; it's OK to acknowledge this feeling. But life goes on - there's still aspirations, dreams and hope while still dealing with the mundane and the minutiae. Life goes on. Hopefully, someone comes along to provide support, until you are able to do the same for others. Keep busy. Give all of your anguish to God for he understands. Allow grief to change your perspective on life and become more appreciative of every day you are given.

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime!

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5

How has the loss of someone changed you? May it ultimately change you for the better.

 --Nylse

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Mornings With Children

It seems that no matter how much you plan, organize and strategize mornings with children can sometimes be chaotic. Since the Little One missed a week of school she has had to make up a boatload of schoolwork. (BTW, what's the point of missing school due to an excused absence and still having to make up all the work? Isn't that why it was excused?! rant over).

On Friday she found out that she had to do a project in a weekend that everyone in the class had at least two weeks to do. She decided that she would tackle this project and get it done. I don't know if you know, but 8th-grade work nowadays is not like when you and I were in school. They're expected to know how to use technology well and incorporate into their assignments.  She's done more PowerPoint's at 13 than I did at 20. What was a PowerPoint back then?! (Second rant over.) Of course, there's always the Mac vs PC argument, and this teacher wanted the assignment completed in Keynote which is the Mac version of PowerPoint. Well, we're not a Mac house, so that's that. Anyhow she does the Keynote part of the project on her phone very tediously and eventually gets frustrated. The first part was to write a 600-word report.

This morning she wakes up and realizes that there is a capability in PowerPoint to add a voice recording, so she attempts to complete the presentation this morning. Let me add the presentation was completed but part of the assignment was to record an interview as part of the presentation. (As I type this, this all seems a bit much for one weekend.) So she was going to record the interview this morning, This recording took at least 5 minutes. She did it once, she did it twice, she even attempted it a third time but it would not work. Each time she played back the presentation the recording was not included.

It is now 7:50 and we must leave because school starts at 8. She eats breakfast in the car as I drive to school.

She is so sad as she gets to school. She asks, "Why do I miss her so much?" She is just a mess and I pray with her and let her know that she can take her time. We hug for a while until she eventually regroups. She eventually gets out of the car, and I continue to pray as I make my way home.

Even without the specter of grief, mornings can be crazy. I know that she has to go through this and I'll do my best to continue to guide, support and comfort her. Sometimes in spite of our best efforts, things fall apart in the morning. Laundry is misplaced or worse no clean underwear; can't find a shoe or a book that's needed that day;  lunch is forgotten;  homework did not make it to the book bag. There's so much that can go wrong.

As a mother I've learned to take it easy, because unfortunately yelling or making empty threats just does not help....at all. Also, if I wake up early before all this mayhem, I'm better equipped to deal with it. Thankfully, this is not every day or even most days.

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. Jeremiah 31:3[NLT]
I hope tomorrow brings a better morning.

On Being a Wife - Job's Wife

Source

"Why don't you curse God and die?" This is what Job's wife said to Job at the height of his suffering. Job had recently lost his livestock, his children, and his health. Job's wife was there as he was going through all of his losses, because she also lost possessions and her children also, but not her health. The loss of her children would be just as painful as the loss of Job's health; she was suffering in conjunction with Job.

Curse God and die - was this the raging of a mad woman or someone who was overly concerned for her husband?

If God knew Job was a righteous man, surely his wife knew. She knew his heart. Seeing him at his lowest point and not being able to do anything for him, she probably blurted out what she thought would release him from his misery - death. And since Job was so righteous the only sure fire way that she could think of for death to occur would be to curse God, anger God, reject the very deity that Job has been so faithful to his whole life; because in her grief, she had a warped view of God.

But Job's response indicated that he knew that she wasn't literally suggesting he do so - he said she speaks like a foolish woman, not that she was a foolish woman. Job knew his wife was not a foolish woman but again in her grief, she sounded like something she was not. Job was a smart man and recognized that. Because whatever his response and reaction to her, the Bible says, "In all of this Job sinned not."  He didn't sin in his response to her.  Sometimes in wanting the best for our spouses and doing all that we can but yet not feeling their pain, our anguished thoughts may not come out as clearly as they should. According to Job's wife, death would release Job from his suffering.

The Bible doesn't indicate that Job's wife suffered a greater fate for her words, and we know that Job was restored and went on to have ten more children. When we are suffering in marriage, the whole unit suffers, but we may not always express ourselves poignantly in our deepest grief to each other. This is where knowing each other's heart and having a solid foundation is important. This is why you never stop talking and communicating with each other.

If you've lashed out at your spouse because of their pain, I hope your spouse receives it in the spirit it was intended. I hope they understand that it pains you to see them suffer and if you could you would do anything humanly possible to stop their pain. I hope they don't respond in kind to you. I hope you get the opportunity to come back and clearly express yourself and perhaps ask forgiveness. Tricky times wreak havoc, but let's use it to come together, not pull apart. .

But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong. Job 2:10 [NLT]

What can you learn from Job's wife?

No Words...Again

I don't understand how a husband could murder his wife and then kill himself - that's just the wimp's way out. If you want to kill anyone, kill yourself (that's just the anger talking, please don't kill yourself, either).

If you love someone, how can you murder them? That's not love at all.

As I sit here this morning, processing the death of a classmate, my husband is telling me how a friend of ours knew her well. They were like brother and sister and she had a zest for life.

My thoughts go a little crazy at this point, so I'll leave most of them unwritten.

Death is awful. Being murdered by someone who claims to love you - I can't imagine.

Her death is not a surprise to God, as it is to us.

I sincerely hope (as I hope for all) that she is in heaven, rejoicing, no longer having to worry and deal with the ills of this world.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 2 Corinthians 1:3 - 5

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Psalms 90:12

Condolences.