Extremely Blessed

I participated in a conversation recently where someone said, "we are extremely blessed." That phrase got me thinking as I sometimes think we equate blessing with financial prosperity or being able to do whatever we want, synonymous with living the good life. We equate blessing with pleasure.

The person who mentioned being extremely blessed by all outward appearances did not appear that way. He wasn't flashy, didn't own a big house,

Walking in the Rain

These days as we make the most of our restrictive environment, my mind wandered back to when I felt gloriously unrestrained.

We had settled into our new house in Brooklyn and had established a routine for day-to-day life. At the ripe old age of twelve, I took public transportation, navigating the streets of Brooklyn. I never felt afraid though I knew to be aware of my circumstances. 

One particular day, I was walking home from school because I missed my bus. It started to drizzle, and I realized I had no umbrella, nor was I wearing a jacket with a hood. We had an unspoken rule that we never got our hair wet as it meant washing, drying, braiding again. I had a relaxer at that time, so I also thought if my hair got wet, no big deal! (after all, wasn't that the point?) All of these thoughts ran through my mind initially as the rain became a steady

Braving Imperfect Motherhood

In honor of Mother's Day, I'm posting today instead of Monday. Hallmark would have you believe that this day has only one flavor. Read on for my experience.

Before experiencing motherhood for myself, I had this expectation that I was going to be a better mother than my mother ever was. That is, if I was ever going to be a mother at all. To be clear, I had a healthy childhood and my mother did a masterful job at caring for all of her children but as far as I could see motherhood was a tiring, messy task, with little to no reward.

These thoughts were so deeply ingrained, were it up to me, I would have lived my life to ensure that children were not on my radar.

The Heart of Giving Series - What It Looks Like When You Give to God

So far we've looked at giving and we've seen that how we give matters. We've seen that it can become second nature but yet we don't always do this regardless of the benefits. In this post, I'd like to explore the mechanics around giving regardless of your income level. I think many struggle with this question: "How do I give to a God I cannot see?"

The universal church is comprised of those who belong to Christ and who have trusted Him for salvation. These members of the universal church should seek fellowship and edification in a local church, which is where our giving typically occurs. Therefore when you give to God, you are giving to His representation here on Earth - the body of Christ.

The actual meaning of the word church is not a building but a group of people. The word “church” comes from the Greek word ekklesia which is

Blessings or Not?

Children are a gift from God; a reward from Him. In the KJV it says ".....and the fruit of the womb is his reward." When we think of children we forget the gift part; we forget the feeling of receiving a gift - that feeling of unexpected glee and joy while simultaneously feeling undeserving of such a gift. It's equivalent to the feeling that you have on your birthday and you are presented with gifts because of the special person that you are.

More often than not we don't initially ascribe positive words or thoughts to children. 

A Guaranteed Good Taste

Introducing new foods to a baby is quite an adventure. If you're anything like me you initially introduced them to something you thought they would like such as bananas, or pears. You'd put just a little bit on the spoon then put the spoon in the baby's mouth. Then you'd wait for a positive response. If they swallowed you were good to go - you knew the baby liked the fruit. But oftentimes it might not have been that easy. I never thought one of my children would like squash (probably because I didn't like it). So I tentatively let a little fall on her lips just so she could lick and taste it. No protest. She willingly opened her mouth and devoured squash. Squash was her new favorite food.

If you don't taste something, you'll never know if you like it. Your tastes are purely subjective, but to taste and experience God is not.

O taste and see that the Lord is Good. 

Unlike food, once you taste of the goodness of the Lord, you are certain to like it because of the immediate benefits. You will experience His goodness, His grace, His love, His mercy. Most people I know need these things. This tasting is an acknowledgment of an experience that God is good. It's not only that God is good; it's that once you've experienced God you will know that He is good. It's not a sampling that you refuse; it's more an act of faith. Humans are wired to like and experience good things. God is the ultimate good.

Are you being a baby and clamping your lips shut refusing to taste? Perhaps a taste of God's love in the kindness of strangers, or the embracing fellowship of a church maybe the taste you need to allow you to open up and really taste and see that the Lord is good. If you dare to taste, you will see and experience the goodness of God. You will be blessed.

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him! Psalms 34:8 [NLT]

Have you tasted of the goodness of God?

Rich Towards God; Blessed to be a Blessing

Recently my husband and I found this authentic South American restaurant in Scottsdale Arizona. We were on a weekend getaway trip that I won from being on a talk show. We knew the restaurant was authentic because they had plantain chips on the table. We immediately gobbled them up and another platter was brought out. (BTW plantain is pronounced plan tin - not plan tain....think of how you pronounce fountain the next time you're tempted to overemphasize the last syllable.)
As we were gobbling and perusing the menu, I noticed the following verse printed on the menu - When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. Isaiah 43:2 [NLT] I guess the rapid rate at which we gobbled up the plantain chips brought the owner over and we got to talking.

I mentioned that this was one of my favorite verses and he proceeded to share his story with us: He grew up in a South American country where his parents were missionaries. He had a fishery business and was very successful and wealthy. He used his wealth to fight for people who were being taken advantage of, but the government was not pleased and all of his assets were seized by the government. He had nothing and had to leave the country. He ended up in Arizona with a relative and was able to start the restaurant and has seen the faithfulness of God. But what he said that struck me was, "I was doing everything right, yet God allowed everything to be taken away from me. And I have seen how God was with me in the fire and I was not burned." He implied that he needed to be humbled and going through loss and restoration was indeed humbling.

For the past month or more there's been a constant theme in the messages I've heard from various pulpits - God wants to bless us, blessings encompass more than money, Christians are confused about how to approach wealth especially if you don't have it, and there is a  responsibility that comes along with blessings including wealth.

Luke 12:13-21 tells the parable of the rich fool. The fool is identified as rich - we don't know how he came about his wealth - whether by birth, work, or any other attribute but he was rich and clearly his priorities revolved around his wealth over anything else. In the parable God gave a warning to the rich fool - Then he said, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.” Luke 12:15 [NLT]

We get comfortable with our blessings and sometimes think that nothing bad will happen to us because we're blessed. But maybe God wants to test us to see where our heart lies - like Job, like the restaurant owner we met. In Luke 18 God told the rich ruler it's hard for the rich to enter into heaven; it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich to enter into heaven. Which simply means we can get attached to our possessions and it is much easier for the rich to do so since they have more possessions. They may even think it's because of what they've done instead what God has allowed for them.

Being rich materially requires constant submission to the Holy Spirit so our hearts and attitudes are always right. Don't you love getting to know a person and then realizing that they are wealthy beyond anything you can imagine? I do. These people don't broadcast their wealth materially, nor are they pompous. But in getting to know them you see that they are generous with their time and resources and then as an added bonus you see their material blessings. Being wealthy with material goods is like an added bonus which means as a Christian you are already blessed.

Live like Christ wants you to live. Affluence lends itself to generosity, but we're not all affluent and yet we can still be a blessing to others. The church in Macedonia was very poor, but they were filled with abundant joy which overflowed in rich generosity. Their priority was how they could best serve the Lord unconditionally. In so doing they gave more than they had so that they could help those who needed their help. So great was their desire to serve Christ that they would not allow their economic situation to keep them from being involved in the Lord's work (Waldrop 1984:38).

Sometimes the wealth comes in visible portions while here on earth, sometimes invisible, but we are all blessed in some way. More exciting than that is when we get to heaven we will all know the abundance of the Lord in his fullness. No longer encumbered with this world's cares and responsibility and in a place that is more lavish than we can imagine, it's where we belong. It's why we are so dissatisfied at times with our earthly blessings and desire more.

 “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.  And if you are untrustworthy about worldly wealth, who will trust you with the true riches of heaven? Luke 16:8-10[NLT]

None of this negates financial planning, making wise financial choices, etc. but for a Christian, it's about your most important priority - being rich towards God so that we can be a blessing to others. Let's not get hung up on material wealth but recognize our blessings because of what Christ has done for us. Let's use what he has done for us as a springboard to reap greater blessings for the Kingdom.

Are you a blessing to others? Are you rich towards God?

Warning - Being Parched Happens and How To Fix It

When I first moved to CA, everything was brown, dried and parched.  Driving on the 101 there was no greenery; it was a shock to my eyes, as coming from NY - the five boroughs, I had never seen anything like this.  It was so dry, that anything could start a fire and that is pretty much what happened that fall.  Have you heard of the California Wildfires? Once the fires started, they raged and burned anything in their path. It takes a huge effort to contain these fires. We got so many calls that first year due to concern, but fortunately, for us, we were not in the fires' path.

A drought is an extended period of months or years when a region notes a deficiency in its water supply whether surface or underground water.  (wikipedia.com)

A drought is not enjoyable - you're being deprived of something that is much needed - this could be physical, emotional or spiritual. A drought leaves you parched, craving refreshment.

In the ecosystem of life, droughts are not meant to be a permanent phase even if they are caused by natural circumstances. Droughts come gradually, therefore when their full blown you cannot force them out of your environment. A lifestyle intervention is necessary beforehand. In the words of John Wooden, "when opportunity knocks it's too late to prepare."

I used to think there were ways to avoid a drought, but for me, it happens because I'm human.
I'm moody, sometimes fickle, prone to being hormonal, etc. Also sometimes circumstances precipitate a drought - job loss, death, divorce, relationship issues, things not working out the way you intended. The combination of being human and circumstances is the perfect storm for a drought.

The good thing is thanks to maturity, droughts don't happen as often.While you going through a dry time, remember to reflect; know that it will pass - weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning; pray more which leads to talking to the right people or making different choices; focus on your blessings; humble yourself and find the courage to do what you can to change.

Humans also go through droughts in a spiritual sense.  Jesus is the water of life - but sometimes even though he is our Source, we backslide or we willingly choose to ignore Him. As a believer, we can survive the drought because we have someone who will quench our thirst. He is always there - He is always faithful, though we are not.

Sometimes you've got to go through a drought to appreciate what you do have, but remember a drought was never meant to last forever. When a drought ends, refreshing relief is welcomed.

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Psalms 23:4 [NLT]

In a drought? This too shall pass.  

A Room To Grow

Source

As I read this article, I realized that it will be a while before I deal with another child going off to college. I am happy about this yet I think back on the past years with no regrets.

Some things we did not know
With your first child, it's so much harder than you think but it gets easier over time, but it's never easy. I shed buckets of tears after realizing what we had just done when we came home after dropping off the first child. I was shocked as the tears just came and came. Those tears were pleas that he would be all right, comfort in knowing that you've done the best you can and just plain old release. It may be one of the few times that I've cried so much and so long.

Many things we learned along the way

• The boy was not as finicky as the girls when it came to dorm rooms.
• Everyone needed a trunk, combination locks, bed risers and shower caddies.
• A lot of the items on those dorm room shopping lists are extraneous, (trust me you don't need a sleeping mask).
• Roommates matter, but sometimes you can't control who you will get. You learn to deal with what you have until next semester.
• Being an RA is a great way to learn leadership and possibly save on tuition. Worse case, befriend the RA.
• Care packages are nice but not vital; do what works for you and your family. Is there more care shown than having money in your bank account? But sometimes I sent books or other knick knacks that were well received.
• The freshman 15 can be real because of 1st yr meal plans and the freedom of being on your own; but after that, those 15 lbs may go in a different direction since the student may be on the starvation plan.
• Having good friends in your college town can make holidays like Thanksgiving easier. It's not always cost effective to go home for Thanksgiving if you are attending college out of state.
• Living off campus is totally different than living on campus; you will need furniture which is another expense or you will pay more for a furnished apartment.
• Everyone needs a laptop; a Mac is worth it for the long haul but not a necessity. On the other hand, having your own personal printer is not a necessity. 
• You don't need a full set of dishes; you can get cutlery from the cafeteria or just make sure you have a plate, a cup, a knife fork and spoon; and this can all be plastic.
• You have to figure out your storage options at the end of each school year. This can take the form of a friends garage, a friend's place or paying for storage. I still have stuff in my garage from college students who have stored stuff with me.
• Everyone is trying to get you to spend money; absolutely nothing is free.

We've argued, laughed and cried every year figuring out the logistics of moving children in to dorms and we have survived. We have more than survived - we have come out on the other side and are able to see our grown children growing in to the purpose God has in store for them. It was exhaustingly exhilirating. If we can do it, you most surely can.

For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die. Psalm 48:14 [NLT]

Ultimately a dorm room is a space for your children to grow. What was it like moving your children in to dorms? Did the reality live up to your expectations?

Unforced Errors

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Since I'm married to sports aficionado, I've learned the game of tennis and actually enjoy watching it. Of course once two women came on the scene who turned the tennis world upside down, I've watched it ever since.
Unforced error is tennis term that means: the ball you hit was not good - it went outside the line or in to the net. You did not score the point and the opponent did not cause the error - you did. Perhaps you double faulted or hit the ball wide. None of these are intentional.

The official definition is: Error in a service or return shot that cannot be attributed to any factor other than poor judgement and execution by the player [Source: Glossary of Tennis Terms ]. But poor judgement is entirely subjective. There is no mention of physical fatigue, tactical decision making, and mental game.  See more at: Tennis Game.

The thing about unforced errors is that they don't necessarily determine the outcome of the game. What really matters is your proportion of unforced errors to winners; typically if you have more winners you win.

An example of an unforced error is a double fault. In tennis a fault occurs when you do not serve the ball within the lines of the opposite box. This is the only space that a serve can land. A player has two chances to serve a decent serve. If you miss twice its called a double fault and it is also considered an unforced error. Now it takes a lot of effort and skill to place the serve in the box. Because you're playing against an opponent you think tactically and so you do things to the serve that make it difficult for the opponent to return - after all that's the point of the game; you're trying to win points. If the serve is not returned it's called an ace and the player who served wins the point. So you may serve with a high speed, or your placement is always on the line, or you may also spin the ball. As a player, you're always going to go for it, because the rewards outweigh the risks. It never looks effortless when an unforced error is committed.

Source

Here's what Roger Federer - currently ranked #2 for men, has to say about unforced errors:

“I don’t care about unforced errors. The guys that love the statistics, they love those things. I don’t care if I make 20 or 60 unforced errors. I don’t care, as long as I’m doing the right things and staying true to my game plan and it makes sense. If I’m just making errors and I can’t hit a winner any more, then I’m in trouble, clearly."


Sports provides great analogies for our lives particularly our spiritual lives. So what's the point?

• Sometimes you have to go for it.
• No one is perfect - perfection is unattainable for imperfect human beings even for the #1 players.
• You'll never know until you try,
• Once you've made the error, put it behind you and move on to the next point. Don't get bogged down by your errors.
• When you go for it, give it your best effort 
• There are things out of your control like the wind, or the crowd.
• In tennis it's about the win.

Tennis like life is complicated and requires some mastery. The only way we can master life is with God. Don't let the fear of failure prevent you from going after your goal. Even if you've failed, don't stop trying. Give every effort one hundred percent. Don't get stuck on your failures, but instead keep moving. We're not perfect, so all of us will make errors at some point, but with God's help we will succeed especially if what we are going after is what He has in store for us.

True humility and fear of the Lord lead to riches, honor, and long life. Proverbs 22:4 (NLT)

Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God,[a] for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. Ephesians 1:11 (NLT)

Have you made any unforced errors lately? How did you recover?

If a Child Lives With......

On a recent episode of Chopped, one of the contestants was so scarred by his childhood, that even as a professional chef he never felt he was good enough. He was harder on himself than the judges and the irony is that what he was presenting was really good.  He won the competition that night.

I felt sorry watching him because even though he appeared as an adult, he presented himself as a child still waiting on his parent's validation. His back story was that he had a military dad who was very hard on him; nothing he did was good enough. He left home at 17 and never looked back physically, but was always looking back mentally. He never blossomed.

Source

Parenting is hard. There are guidelines and principles but then each child is different. Sometimes as parents we think we are doing right by our children, but if we stepped back we may see that we are not. Times are different - when I was coming up I felt I had no choice but to do what my parents wanted. However my personality is and was such, that I never felt beaten down or less than by their demands. I did hate getting a beating, so I made sure that I avoided this punishment as much as I could. When I became a parent, it became apparent to me what my parents in particular were dealing with and what it means to be a parent in general. Parenting is hard.

There is a poem called Children Learn What They Live and there is one line in particular that resonates with me, which I've highlighted below.

Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005)
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

BUT (I've inserted the but since positive attributes are highlighted from this point on)

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

The need for encouragement never ends for both parent and child. I have realized this as I see my young adults navigate this world. And if it is all I can do to encourage them, then that is what I will do. I know how good it feels to receive encouragement; as a parent I will do my best to encourage my children.

What have your children lived? Does this poem challenge you as a parent?

Has the World Gone Mad?

Shopping is causing folks to:

• Pepper spray each other
• Creating mayhem in malls
• Shoot gunshots in the air

All of the above occurred throughout the country on what is known as Black Friday. And yet we are in the midst of a recession.

They are no excuses - if you don't need it and it's on sale is it a bargain?

How about giving the gift of time instead of stuff?

Why not become creative and make a gift or write a heartfelt letter?

How about helping those less fortunate than you?

Why not cook a meal (as simple or elaborate as you please) and invite someone over?

If you have a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your body and shoes on your feet you have a lot and quite possibly more than you need.

Let's shift our thinking this holiday season - let's become more mindful of the blessings we already possess and let's incorporate the "least of those" in our holiday celebrations; and if you must shop please don't pepper spray anyone to get preferred access.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matt. 6:33

Are you a Black Friday Shopper? Are Black Friday bargains worth it? What's the best bargain you've found? If you don't shop what do you do instead?

Hard Times

Gen 26 begins with this ominous verse - and there was a famine in the land.

When there’s a famine, there’s a drought, crops aren’t producing, people can’t provide for their families, therefore creating a shortage of cash which produces a vicious cycle. It is a state of extreme or general shortage. Does this scenario sound vaguely familiar?

For the past year or two we’ve been experiencing a recession which might have been a precursor to a depression. A recession is a temporary depression in economic activity or prosperity. A depression is an economic condition characterized by substantial and protracted unemployment, low output and investment, etc; a slump. During a recession, jobs are scarce, therefore creating a shortage of cash which produces a vicious cycle. A famine would be equivalent to today's recession.

In verses Gen 26:12-15 God chose to bless Isaac in spite of the famine in the land. He had so much abundance, that his enemies envied him.

We don’t know why God chooses to bless, but we know that God is not limited by a recession, depression or any economic activity in the land. So despite the trying times that we live in, remember that we serve a faithful God. He is in control – not us, even though we think we’re smart. God is. He can bless you during this time as He sees fit.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

Psalms 37: 23-26 (KJV)

There was a famine in the land.....God blesses!