A Young Girl's Manifesto

I watched Surviving R. Kelly on Lifetime, and it can't seem to leave my mind. I've raised three daughters who are confident and know their worth. Because I've raised daughters, I've seen girls who will do anything for attention - especially male attention. This clouded judgment leads them down foolish paths.

I've lived long enough to see the broad spectrum of human behavior; this documentary was a sobering reminder that not everyone is well-intentioned. Today, I want every young lady to know her worth. If you're at an age where you can make decisions for yourself, here's what I want you to know for yourself.

Attention To Detail

"The devil is in the details." This phrase is often used when we've planned but have overlooked a minute factor that can cause our plans to fail. Because our plans fail, hence the phrase.
Human nature tends to be big picture – we don't want to think of the minutiae, as it's too mind-boggling.

So it is always amazing to me that God cares about everything in our lives - from the trivial to the grand. When God told Moses how to build the Tabernacle and its accouterments He provided minuscule detail. God was the first architect and he provided a clear blueprint as to how the Tabernacle should be built.

In Exodus 24:18, Moses went up to Mount Sinai and communed with God for forty days and nights. At this time, God provided Moses with instructions for the building of the Tabernacle. The Tabernacle was a place where God's people would worship him. Every physical detail listed in the book of Exodus has some spiritual correlation, but I am in awe when I observe how God spells out the physical aspect.

In stark detail, God conveyed to Moses the following:

The Tabernacle and its building materials. The Lord specified that gold, silver, bronze, blue and purple linen, oil and precious stones be used to build the Tabernacle. These would come as an offering from the Israelites (Exodus 25:3-7).
Accouterments for the Tabernacle - The Ark of the Covenant – The Ark was to contain the tables of the law and was to be kept in the holiest place: The Holy of Holies. God provided the measurements, the materials and the design (Exodus 25:10-22).
The Table of Showbread – a table to constantly display bread. This table symbolizes how God nourishes us all the time. Again, God provided Moses with measurements, materials and design (Exodus 25:23-30).
The Golden Lamp stand – provided constant light for the Tabernacle and was resplendent. The Lamp stand is a type of Christ. It was to have 6 branches, 3 on each side and one stand in the middle. God specified that it be made with a talent of pure gold, and provided Moses with the specifications for the shape of the lamp stand (Exodus 25:31-40).
Curtains of Linen – The curtains were to be hung throughout the Tabernacle in three colors – blue, purple and scarlet. The linen curtains symbolize Christ's righteousness. God told Moses the length, how they should be folded, where the selvedge should be located (did you know God was a seamstress?), the loops, and the clasps for the curtains (Exodus 26:1-9).
Other items are also specified for the Tabernacle and are laid out in astonishing detail. There are: the Curtain of Goats Hair, the Covering of Rams Skin, the Boards & Sockets, the Inner Veil, the Outer Veil, the Gate of the Court and Oil for the Lamp (Exodus 26).
Since God leaves nothing to chance, He then delineated the priestly garments: (breastplate, robe, ephod, embroidered coat, miter and a girdle), how the priests should be consecrated, the types of sacrifices, food for the priests and finally who may worship (Exodus 28,29).

Once God provided Moses with the layout of the Tabernacle, God recognized that he would need knowledgeable people to build the Tabernacle. Moses didn't have to scratch his head for too long because God then provided spirit filled craftsmen, contractors who were good at their work. They had a talent for working with their hands that God used and blessed. He provided Bezalel and Oholiab who had knowledge in all manner of workmanship (Exodus 31:1-6). According to all that the Lord commanded, they did (Exodus 31:11).

Ultimately, the Tabernacle was a place of worship and adoration to God Himself. It was also a place for mercy and atonement.

In the same way, God provided an exact blueprint for the Tabernacle, He has a blueprint for each of our lives, right down to what we would consider inconsequential.

The next time you have a quandary in your life, commune with God. Set aside a time to talk and listen to what He has to say. God is detail oriented as evidenced throughout His Word, but in particular in providing the specifications for the Tabernacle. God leaves nothing to chance; He is aware of every situation. He cares about every aspect of your life. Listen, and He will provide all the necessary details for your life. He will even send the right people along to assist you, individuals who have exactly what you need, when you need it, blessed by God.

Your plans won't fail if God is in the details.

Do you invite God into every aspect of your life?

P.S. I wrote this many years ago, but only decided to share it again today.

A Chapter A Day - Proverbs 7

One of the common themes in Proverbs so far is to flee temptation and listen to instruction.

The temptation may take the form of a seductive woman, but it can be any temptation. Let's review Proverbs 7.






Observations and Highlights

Why did the writer spend so much time warning his young son about the strange or adulterous woman? In today's language, she may be called a slut, whore or a loose woman. In our culture, we are bombarded with sexual enticement on every side, yet apparently it's not new. This woman is loud and stubborn and is always looking for a gullible man. She's also subtle - she knows how to get what she wants. She steps out on her man. She speaks so well, that what she is proposing sounds plausible. But when the man finally gives in to her, he realizes that he is like a bird who is trapped within an inch of his life. (v 10-23)

The father understood that the only way to protect yourself from this "in your face" temptation was to: know right from wrong, make a conscious decision to do right, understand the consequences of your actions, and feed your heart and soul with what's right. (v1-7, 24-27)

Sexual temptation is one we can all understand. We're told men are wired to cheat, premarital sex is ok, and you can even swing while married. Sex is something that is good but only within the confines God set forth. The thing about temptation is that there is always something in it that seems good. In order to resist temptation, you must have a good foundation, if not you'll be led astray by everything that sounds good.

Know the word; read the word.

Book Review - Having Our Say; The Delany Sisters' First 100 Years

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I stumbled upon this treasure - Having Our Say, at a local book reseller. Sometimes I just want to read books about African Americans who have lived extraordinary lives; this book fits the bill. The title alone is intriguing - the first 100 years implies that there is a second set of 100 years. That fact alone made me curious to see what was inside, combined with the fact that there were sisters who lived together.

100 years is a couple of lifetimes; 100 years in America for Black people spans many seminal events from slavery to the Civil War, to Jim Crow, and after.  These two women - Sarah and Elizabeth (Bessie) share how their family lived through these events and the wisdom gained along the way.

The Delanys were a family of 10 children from North Carolina; their father was born in slavery yet became the nation's first black Episcopal bishop; their mother could have "passed" for white but chose not to.

The parents shepherded the children so that they were aware of the dangers of the time, yet protecting them while instilling in all the children ambition. Every child had to work to pay his way for college - and all 10 of those children did. For a while, they were all quite prominent in NYC as lawyers, doctors, and educators. Of the 10 children, Sarah and Bessie ended up together - they lived together and worked in NY; Bessie as a dentist and Sadie as a teacher. The family was quite close and looked out for each other professionally and personally. When their father died, their mom lived with Bessie and Sadie and it was not burdensome. The mom got to travel with her daughters and have new experiences.

There's tons of wisdom in this book from these ladies:
Bessie didn't fly and this was her reasoning - "When you're in a train and it breaks down, well there you is. But when you're in a plane and it breaks down, there you ain't."

I thought I could change the world. It took me a hundred years to figure out, I can't change the world, I can only change Bessie, and honey that ain't easy either.

Sadie on dealing with institutionalized racism - you had to decide: Am I going to change the world or am I going to change me? Or maybe change the world a little bit, just by changing me? If I can get ahead, doesn't that help my people?

Life is short and it's up to you to make it sweet.

This book is a goldmine of wisdom from two ladies. If they were alive I know I would enjoy their company, instead, I've read the book.

War Room and Marriage

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Today my husband and I saw War Room - the movie that brings a Christian spiritual perspective to the masses. Before I saw this movie marriage was on my mind:

It's a good thing - it has the ability to bring out the best in you through much trial and error. Just like in raising children, there's no definitive formula for having a successful marriage but there are traits that improve the situation.  Living and loving closely isn't always smooth sailing, but the importance of a solid foundation becomes prominent as you navigate the ups and downs of life.

Iron sharpens iron - the best in you sharpens the best in him and vice versa.

Don't neglect yourself for the sake of your marriage - this is often overlooked. Nowadays it sounds like taking "me" time with a focus on physical renewal. However if you had a solid walk, and a strong pray life, prior to marriage then this is something that you need to continue. This practice produces the best you. When two become one, it's two solid people that do so. To neglect this individual aspect of your union does not a strong union make.  It seems counter intuitive - but when two people have strong walks and come together and continue their individual spiritual practices while at the same time adding  to it, the union becomes stronger. The spiritual aspect affects the rest of you. Your pray time and time with God, literally provides practical application for day to day living. It is one of the most effective ways to affect change in your relationship.

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One of the comments from the movie was, "It's hard being a woman." When I would say this, my husband would say, "It's hard being a man." I would have to agree with both statements. Some of the hardness has to do with cultural expectations combined with personality and general expectations. Being in relationship with others brings out the best and the worst in us, because though married we are still human with all of our flaws in addition to everything else.

I like that War Room shows a version of marriage most people don't see, in a demographic that is often overlooked. We've heard people talk and heard the Christian cliches, but the movie provides a visual representation of:

Praying for each other instead of trying to change each other - Elizabeth's prayer life has lapsed due to the busyness of life. But she knows and loves the Lord. Her husband, Tony seems to be even more cursory in his walk and his faith doesn't appear to have an impact on his daily life. This shows up in his actions at work, and how he treats his family. Elizabeth is burdened by the state of her marriage and wants it to change, but she seems to be at her wits end. Enter Ms. Clara who has seen how prayer changes things. There comes a point in the story where Elizabeth is forced to pray and she takes Ms. Clara's lessons to heart and establishes a War Room in her house - a place that is quiet and private where she can spend uninterrupted time with the Lord - and begins to pray earnestly for her marriage, her husband, her family, her house, and herself.

Christians can make dumb mistakes - Tony has made some poor choices and ultimately loses his job. Elizabeth knows her husband's flaws, but because she is no longer focusing on him and what he's not doing she can respond in a way that astounds him and forces him to search his heart and ultimately confess, repent to his wife and God, and change his ways.

Spiritual warfare - As Elizabeth prays for her family, she recognizes that she is fighting a battle in prayer. Sometimes when we have minor arguments that erupt in to big things I wonder how we got here. At these times, it is distinctly impressed on my heart that the devil does not like thriving Christian families and creates distractions that take our eyes off of our purpose. As Elizabeth prayed she recognized that something was trying to tear her family apart, but no more. In the mighty name of Jesus, it had to flee. When you recognize the enemy you are dealing with, you can pray smartly so that he is defeated.

Mentoring - Ms. Clara wasn't always a prayer warrior; she didn't always know how to pray and didn't always read the Bible. But now that she is, and she has seen visible proof in the transformation of Elizabeth, she charges Elizabeth to do the same for another person. She shares with Elizabeth how seeing her grow has strengthened her faith as well.

I have found that praying and spending time with the Lord, provides wisdom that you just do not have unless you do so. It gives you the courage to act and speak wisely. You have a confidence that belies your current situation. Now, I don't have a physical war room in my house and I don't typically write my prayers down. I have a prayer time daily in the quiet of the day where I read and pray. I know the importance of pray and set aside time to do so daily.

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Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. Ephesians 6:18 [NLT]

Do you pray for your marriage? Do you pray for your spouse? Will you see this movie?

You Are Not Your Mistakes

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Have you ever kicked yourself for doing something so dumb? "How could you?" you say over and over again. You deal with it, you talk it out, and you do your best to learn from it and you move on. I've done some dumb things in my life - haven't we all? But that's no excuse because when I should have known better, I didn't do better and as a result I was humiliated. I'd venture to say that if I wasn't humiliated I might have continued not doing better.

I remember that humiliation.  Isn't it funny that no matter the passage of time, sometimes that mistake just rears its ugly head and all of a sudden it's hitting you square between the eyes.

What do you do?

At this point, I've learned to remember that I am not my mistake. The feelings may come to make me doubt where I am now, but I'm not that mistake - I'm not the person I was when I made that mistake. All of these thoughts take root in our minds and if we ruminate on them they can grow and produce undesirable fruit that is rotten.

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Is this how you feel?

Instead, take every thought captive. When you capture something, you surround it and muffle it so that it is stifled and has no room to grow. Do that with your thoughts. Then replace the mistake with your growth from that point on. Don't marinate in the mistake, marinate on the growth.

While we may always wrestle with things that caused us pain, we don't have to let our minds stay there. We can remember that we have overcome and we are now better for having made that mistake.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 6-7

Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23

If this is your struggle, remember you can overcome and you are not your mistakes.

Notes From My Daughter - Don't Correct Me

Occasional notes from my 20 year old daughter. I never know what to expect when she writes, but it's usually a pleasant surprise.  Read on!

My daughter

When we see the truth we point it out. The truth is ultimately a light that will cut through any darkness. When the truth cuts through some darkness in us however, we get defensive. We find it hard to believe that we ARE (not maybe, not perhaps, not kind of) wrong.

Let's just take a brief moment out of all our busy glamorous lives to be clear and honest: we all could have avoided much pain if we listened to God. Not only could we have avoided destructive pain (there is constructive pain so don't avoid that) but we also could have progressed if we listened.

I am not encouraging you to live in a world of "should've, would've, could've," because that's not the solution. All hope is not lost, God is a merciful great God, but this post is going to focus on you as His child and how the choices you make in your role do indeed impact the play we call Life.

Conceptually, I think we all understand we aren't God. But sometimes we get this notion that if we were God everything would be OK because we could have control. What if I told you, you could get the control you seek by………submitting? Crazy ain't it? But it's true.

Know your role and listen to the one ahead of you; simply put God has it all properly ordered in His will for life.

To be honest, when I think about God's role,

1. I know for certain I can't do it
2. I don't know how I would feel if I made paradise, Hell and everything in between yet the creation that I gave my heart to only listened to me on their terms.

Every parent out there can testify that it is a burning frustration when their child doesn't listen to them, and that feeling isn't really birthed from their selfishness. 99% of the time you  want your children to listen because you see the best path for them, and you, having lived longer, know better than them. (This is my public apology to my mother for the many times I didn't listen to you, love you mom).

If you study 1 and 2 Samuel you will see the difference between a man that listened to what he interpreted God would want him to do, and a man who was truly after God's own heart.

Saul: Shows us a lot through his character. Looking at his life we can learn in advance to faithfully listen to God at all times even when you think you know what's best.

David: A man who still did wrong, and suffered the consequences, but made God the center of his choices.

Listening takes time, and its effects happen over time. Be patient, not prideful.

"Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done"- C.S Lewis

Notes From My Daughter - Pride & Beauty

My Daughter

Occasional notes from my 20 year old daughter. I never know what to expect when she writes, but it's usually a pleasant surprise.  Read on!

Another Note on Pride! Yes! And I will finish this series soon, but I'd rather go through it thoroughly than promote the notion that there is a shortcut to dealing with this stronghold. Now if you have a problem with the gaps in between my posts, I don't blame you (honestly I am sorry college is a beast and I'm still learning how to schedule my life properly).

 If you want insight on dealing with pride in a more consistent and timely manner I only suggest you do these things constantly: worship, pray and study the word of God. In doing these things you are "asking, seeking, and knocking" and the Lord is faithful to answer. I'm only showing you what He showed me overtime and while I am grateful for the lesson, and the ability to write, it is ultimately God who does the changing and provides revelation. He's a better writer than I am, He even has 66 books that have been on the best seller's list for centuries! I've only been alive for 20 years and I will never beat that track record.

However In my 20 years of life, God has used the aspect of change to teach me more than I could learn if I were to remain the same. God-led experiences are humbling and always provide a truthful perspective to whatever you face in life. One circumstance in particular is when this happened to me is when I decided to cut my hair off.

With Hair!

One morning I woke up about 15 minutes before my class, at this point I could still make it on time because my class was only 5-10 minutes away from my dorm. So I rushed out of bed, put on some clothes, threw on my glasses and as soon as I saw my reflection with 20/20 vision I stopped. I looked a mess. I tried little things to improve my appearance like swapping my bulky glasses for contact lenses.

"Better" I thought, but when you start off terrible better just takes you from looking. I looked at my clock and I had 5 minutes until class started; with those 5 minutes I thought "let me try and fix my hair and then I'll look good enough to go to class."

Now every woman with sense knows that getting your hair to look decent in 5 minutes is a bit unrealistic unless you're really skilled. Any black woman with natural hair knows you've lost your mind, but due to my Jamaican sense of time and my unhappiness with how I looked I proceeded to try to give myself a makeover.

It was then that I clearly heard God speak to me, in the midst of my confusion and frustration I strongly felt the Holy Spirit convict me "Why do you care what you look like?" and I promptly responded "I don't, but other people are going to think I'm crazy if I walk out of my house looking like this."

And right then and there in my freshman dorm room I had an "aha moment". Most people have an aha moment and change, I however kept on pulling and brushing my hair even though I just had a revelation. To be clear, I never worshiped my hair, I worshiped people's opinion. It held me like a mother holds a child to its breasts, making me feel secure whenever I cried. To start weaning me off this attachment would take an adjustment in my perception and identity. The thing about worship is whatever you worship you will allow to define you and at this point in time my identity was in the opinions of other people. When you worship God, He defines you.

It was now 20 minutes into my 50 minute class and I was still in my dorm, trying to look presentable. Even though God spoke to me already, I realized how serious the matter was at this moment (I had a Matthew 21:28-32 moment of delayed listening). I broke down, wondering what on earth was I still doing in my bedroom and how did my priorities get so screwed up. Why did it feel like I had to look a certain way to at least be considered good enough? I wasn't aiming for beautiful goddess but I didn't wanted to walk around looking like a troll. Once more, God spoke to me:

"Cut your hair Gabby"

"No"

"You've always wanted to cut your hair"; ( this is true, you can ask my mother I was a scissor happy child), "so why not?"

"I would be happy, but everyone else will…."

I didn't finish my sentence because there was nothing more to say. I realized I was basing my identity on conditional appreciation and not the love of my heavenly Father which is crazy because I'm made in his image. What does the opinion of another creation matter?

So that day I semi-committed and cut off 3 strands of hair, lol. (I had to do something to represent that I was going to listen). The only reason I didn't cut it all of immediately was because I wanted to figure out how to donate my hair. That same day, I went on a blog and saw a post about a woman who donated her hair. Feeling confirmation, I committed to cutting my hair in the summer when it would be long enough and giving it to charity. The actual ACTION of physically letting my hair go was for me representative of me caring more of what God thought than anyone else. I actually let my dad cut my hair since I thought he would be the only family member willing to do so. I went into the bathroom with 5 ponytails of thick hair and asked him to do it for me because I couldn't do It myself.

After he cut them all I said "Daddy, do you still think I'm pretty?" he looked in my eyes and he said, "You are beautiful."

New Hair do

I could only imagine if that's what my earthly father felt, how much more did my heavenly Father have delight in my obedience? This is not to say I'm obedient all the time, or that I'm perfect (you can even see my delay and hesitance in this story). However, in that moment of finally having short uneven unprofessionally cut hair I felt more beautiful than ever because I saw myself the way God saw me rather than thinking about anyone else.

Your identity has everything to do with how you behave, how you believe and whom you trust. When your identity is not in God it is so easy to be attached to sin and to be proud to the point where you are unwilling to change. Change is not even a thought, you don't see the beauty in it and you are unable to see the flaws in your ways. You are blind and that is why pride comes before a fall.
Change can happen immediately, through a long process, or by combination of the two. No matter which route it occurs by, be willing to let God make changes in your life. God is the only one who has the authority to say "I am who I am" and though you are made in his image, you still fall short and it's important throughout life to LET GOD make you look more like him every day as He is the only one who defines your image. Be open to his change. Be willing to see his vision. Beauty is made by God and he sees it perfectly so let him take you and show you what he has designed for your life.

Now that you've heard one of my stories here's my challenge to you:

1. Pray: Ask God where your heart is hardened, where you lack understanding. "8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."- 1 John 1
2. Repent: Repentance literally is a turn, and change. It genuinely comes from the heart when you see how sin really works and how much more you want God. It's responsibility for your wrong yet also a decision to live differently.
3. Action by Faith: There has to be at least one thing you can do to change right now. Ask God one thing you can do to take a step in His direction. And then GET UP AND DO IT, find an accountability partner, and move swiftly. Don't let the thought sit there, be brave enough to bring it to a reality. Change is a choice and your choices are under your control so use them wisely.
4. Repeat: You may have been consistently one way before, but now consistently walk in Faith. The difference is with faith LIFE IS PRODUCED and you can do more with it. Your growth plants new seeds. So continue in the faith, and see what God means when he says he can do exceedingly abundantly more than you could ever dream or imagine. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Psalm 139 is a great chapter to meditate on especially for the issue of identity.
Has it been all smooth sailing ever since I cut my hair? No. Once God matured me in how I viewed beauty and security he opened up my eyes to many more places that I invested my identity in. Our culture doesn't work in a vacuum and the devil doesn't just attack you one time and walk away, it is repeatedly ingrained in our mindset that our value comes from things outside of our creator and that's a lie.

This whole hair experience was a beginning for me and was a pivotal point of me understanding how God uses change for our good. The challenge I gave you all is the same one I am doing myself, but I am encouraged because I know my God is faithful and that He has the true vision of who I am and who I will be. My identity is secure in Him.

For curious minds, although I am growing my hair out again, I definitely plan to cut it again in the future. It's a blessing to have more freedom and I do not regret AT ALL cutting my hair, hence why I plan to do it again.

Blogrolling and Blogging!

I love blogging; both reading other blogs of authors who amuse or inform on food, family and faith, or writing as I do here.

In the blogging world, I’m whats known as a lurker – I visit but don’t make myself comfortable. When I’m really comfortable (i.e. I like your post) I leave a comment. I may post as Anonymous or another moniker that I’ve created just for the blogging world.

Blogs can be categorized in many ways: by race, by activity, lifestyle and gender to name a few. All of these categories have a broad variety of subcategories – hair, makeup, shopping, saving, food, fashionable clothes, Christianity, Christianity and women, motherhood, Christian moms, single dads…I think you get the idea.

Many of my favorite blogs start with the word Black because that’s part of who I am. Sometimes that bothers me, but most times it doesn’t. For example I like BlackGirlsRun and it was created because they aren’t a lot of Black women serious about running – hence the name; but I’m sure there’s no blog called whitegirlsrun (I checked, there isn't).

Through blogging, I've discovered Tumblrs. A Tumblr is a simpler form of blogging with minimal commentary; a quick way to publish pictures and quotes. They’re considered miniblogs; a fast way to share links, photos, and videos without the bells and whistles of a regular blog.

I discover other blogs from the commenters on a blog. Oftentimes when you leave a comment you provide your name (required) email address and a website. The website is typically the commenter's blog and depending on their name or the website I’ve visited, I just may take a click.

So I’ve discovered a comedian in MrsTDJ, a fitness queen in Keyalus, a new bride in the Happynappybride and Lysa - a Christian woman who seems just like me; her posts are inspired. I'll add the rest of the blogs I've discovered to my blogroll.

Blogging has opened up a whole new world to me. I’m now a weekly contributor on Michelle Obama Watch.

As you discover the world of blogs, the easiest way to stay organized is to use a reader, such as the one provided by blogger. Its an easy way to see all updates of all of your favorite blogs in one spot instead of opening each blogs page or trying to remember each blog's address.

Its a whole new world we're living in; as with any new technology, blogs if used wisely can be helpful, educational and fun.